


Oath of Office

by UninspiredPoet



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bodyguard, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Eventual Sex, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Lesbian Relationship, Lesbian Sex, Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Power Dynamics, President Lena Luthor, Rating Will Update Appropriately, Rough Sex, Secret Relationship, Secrets, Slow Burn, Special Agent Kara Danvers, Women Being Awesome, Women In Power, light kink
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2020-10-25 16:44:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 46,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20727467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UninspiredPoet/pseuds/UninspiredPoet
Summary: Special Agent Kara Danvers has been the head of Presidential Candidate Lena Luthor's Secret Service detail for months, now.She has been there since Lena was nominated, and now she has been assigned to protect her for the next four years.Because Lena Luthor is no longer just a candidate.“Congratulations, Madam President. I was rooting for you.”((Disclaimer: My not-for-profit transformative work is only published by me on Archive of Our Own. I do not give my consent or authorization for it to be reproduced or displayed on any third-party websites or apps.))





	1. Madam President

“Marine One clear for landing.” 

Kara stood stock-still on the edge of the landing pad as the aircraft’s communication came crackling into her earpiece now that it was in range. Unlike the other agents positioned in advance of the president’s arrival, she’d been listening closely to the beating of the blades for quite some time, now. Along with every sound in the building below. And the streets beyond. 

She’d been here in National City for two days, now. She hadn’t slept. She didn’t need to. The polls had been predicted easily. The codenames had been assigned. And just like that - Kara Danvers was the head of the president’s security detail. She was here for one reason and one reason alone. 

“Halcyon has landed.”

“Copy that. All clear. We’ll take her from here, Marine One.” Kara’s voice came over their earpieces with steely confidence and firm resolve as her hands stayed clasped lightly just in front of her belt. She could draw her weapon before any possible threat would even be able to think to act. She was, under no circumstances, to blow her cover. No circumstance except one. And it was her job to prevent such a situation from ever happening. Her Kryptonian abilities were a failsafe and nothing more. 

The thumping of the rotors was almost deafening - especially taking into consideration just how carefully Kara was listening. But it was over soon enough, and she turned as the residual wind tugged and pulled at the jacket of her suit. Her eyes scanned the rooftop behind the protection of the tinted lenses that hid them. 

It was difficult not to smile when the door of the craft began to open and her charge finally came into view. Dressed impeccably in a black dress and an ankle-length burgundy pea coat with a high, upturned collar, complete with a little flag pinned to its lapel. She'd done it. She’d won. Kara had been with her - always on the outskirts - for most of her campaign. They’d never even spoken. They would now, of course...but Kara had followed her every move for six months, now - and she couldn’t help the slight flutter of pride she felt in her chest. 

This woman was brilliant. Daring. So competent and genuine that she'd won the hearts of an entire nation of people that desperately needed change. Change that Lena had always wanted to bring about. Change she'd dreamt of since she was a young girl. 

But Kara had a job to do and her face was a mask of stoicism as the presidential liaison approached the woman currently pulling her jacket more tightly around herself against the chill of the air. 

“Madam President.”

President-Elect. Lena Luthor. 

“Not quite.” Lena reached out to take the liaison's hand in a firm grip as she smiled despite the ache in her cheeks and the fatigue she was hiding expertly behind her eyes. 

“President-Elect, then. I think it’s time you finally met your detail. Unofficially, of course. You’ll have formal meetings after your speech this evening if you’re up for it.” 

Lena was absolutely not up for it. But she sure was used to putting on a brave face by now. Then again, that hadn't really been an offer or a choice. It had just been...politely worded. 

She made her rounds as she was introduced, for the first time, to the agents that would make up her personal detail for the duration of her presidency. One by one, she shook hands and offered grateful smiles until she was finally standing in front of Kara.

It was only then that Lena realized she’d seen this woman before. She’d seen this tall, clearly capable woman in the corners of rooms, at the ends of hallways, and even in her hotels. 

The only difference was - this time - the sunglasses came off. And she got a name. 

“This is Special Agent Kara Danvers. She’ll be the one heading up your detail. You’re in good hands, I assure you.”

Lena noted that only one hand moved from in front of that belt. One hand that took her own gloved one in a gentle, yet solid grasp. 

“It feels like we’ve met before, Agent Danvers.” Lena countered with a slight lift of her brow. 

A lift that Kara returned with only a slight curve of her lips in the faintest hint of a smile. “No, I don’t think so.”

“Are you sure? I never forget a nondescript pair of sunglasses.” 

Kara might have laughed, but Lena couldn’t be sure. It had been a low, subdued sound that ended before it could really be given voice as those sunglasses were placed back in their usual spot covering surprisingly blue eyes. “Congratulations, Madam President. I was rooting for you.” 

Lena didn’t mind the ‘Madam President’ thing right then. She was already starting to get used to the way it sounded. Or maybe it was just the way it had been said. Strange, how a woman that she’d never even met - who had just been hovering around her for months - suddenly felt familiar in this sea of strangeness that had suddenly - almost violently - become Lena’s reality. 

Madam President. 

She was...the president. And this was her Secret Service detail. And she’d just stepped off of Marine One. So that she could give her victory speech to the record-breaking crowd that had already gathered to hear it. 

She gathered herself along with a quick, sharp inhale as they made their way inside. At least she would be warm until they got downstairs to the motorcade. 

Over the past months, she'd grown more used to people touching her. Handshakes, touches guiding her into vehicles, and a million other little things she'd never thought of before her campaign had begun. But, as Kara moved to stand between her and the crowd across the street to create a barrier between herself and the open door of the limousine she was stepping into, she was actually grateful for it for once. Or at least the way Kara approached it. With just the slightest brush against her back as she stepped in, and an almost inaudible ‘Ma’am.’ 

Then, they were alone together. Just her and Kara, who was seated across from her in the blissfully dimly lit, spacious interior. The glasses were gone, and Kara’s eyes were on her, though her attention was clearly on, well, everything. Just something about the slight tilt of her head towards the far bulletproof windows so that she could better hear. Something about the hand that always seemed to hover at the edge of her jacket. 

“Agent Danvers, as strange as this might sound, I'm going to have to count you as a friendly face from now on if that's alright.” Lena leaned back in her seat and tried to ease some of the tension she felt in her shoulders to no avail. 

“I don't mind at all, ma’am. That's what I'm here for. You're the first president-elect to make this ride alone. I'm glad to share it with you.”

Lena smiled softly and thought, for a moment, about that word. ‘Alone.’ It was true enough. She had no wife or husband to celebrate this night with. No children...no dog, though she knew that would have to change soon enough. And that was fine. She'd made sacrifices to get here, and they were sacrifices she didn't regret in the least. “That's a relief.” Lena finally responded as she turned her head to glance out the window at the people lining the streets along their route. The windows were tinted too dark for them to see her or even pick out which vehicle she was in. There was no such thing as too careful in regards to Lena. She hadn't only made friends along the course of the election. Not everyone welcomed change, after all. “I'd hate to think you're only here because of a sense of duty or something equally ridiculous.”

Kara’s eyes widened slightly. Just enough for Lena to notice the change in expression in the corner of her vision. “Caught you. I'd begun to think you were some sort of robot.” 

The smile this earned Lena was good. Excellent, in fact. Something to distract herself from the speech she was about to make. From how tired she was. From how...utterly terrified she was. She’d made so many promises. So very many promises...that she had every intention of keeping.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“How many, Jess?” Lena asked the aid that was currently touching up the powder on her face that would keep the lights from glinting off of her pale skin - a difficulty they had faced more than once, and, thankfully - learned how to deal with.

“Over three hundred thousand.” The young woman said evenly - careful to keep her voice steady despite the fact that she was nervous _for_ Lena. 

Lena drew in a slow breath and nodded as she looked around quickly - hidden as she was by the wall of curtains that would be her backdrop for the next twenty or so minutes. The team she’d only just met was already gone - lining the stage in front of the momentous crowd that had gathered to celebrate _their_ victory. Because this didn’t belong to Lena. It never had. This belonged to them. 

And she desperately needed this to be perfect as a result. Starting with this speech...and every speech after. Every decision. All of it. She couldn’t afford to mess this up. And neither could they afford for her to mess it up for them. There were only two agents left that would be sharing the stage with her - just on the outskirts, out of range of most of the cameras and out of the minds of the people that wouldn’t be focused on anyone but her. 

Lena was oddly glad that Kara was one of them. Maybe it had something to do with how steady she looked. Like a seawall against a raging storm. She didn’t look nervous. She made Lena feel like her own safety, at least, was something she actually didn’t have to worry about. 

Oh, but Kara was nervous. Her blood was boiling through her veins as she listened intently to a hundred threads of conversation - spreading her hearing out past the curtain to the gathered crowd and beyond. Ready to act on any suspicion, no matter how slight. She was like a hair-trigger, every sense she had at her disposal hyper-focused on every single detail. 

“Friends, family, citizens of National City!” 

The next time Lena looked over, Kara was gone. The curtain she’d slipped through to gain access to the edge of the stage wasn’t even moving in response to her sudden, silent departure. 

“The next President of the United States of America!” 

From the moment Lena stepped out onto the stage and made her way towards the runway in front of the podium she would be speaking at, the crowd didn’t stop erupting in cheers and applause and shouts of support and utter, unbridled joy. 

Lena, in turn, waved and smiled and dipped her head slightly a few times when she became overwhelmed. Even so, the burning in her eyes was something she kept a tight rein on. Though she couldn’t really stop the way the unshed tears that were there glistened in the multitude of lights that were focused on her. 

A few moments later, she was resting her hands on the edge of the podium. There were no notes - no teleprompters. She didn’t need them. She was ready for this. Nervous, sure. But so incredibly ready. 

“Good evening, National City!” 

Kara felt that slight swell of pride in her chest, again, as Lena’s voice rang out over the crowd - clear, concise, and confident as ever. She couldn’t look at her, though. She couldn’t even risk a quick glance. She also couldn’t afford to catch more than a few words here and there, of her speech. 

“This is the part where I thank a lot of people.” The crowd laughed. Kara’s vision sharpened - honed in on a sudden, unexpected movement in the crowd that turned out to be nothing. 

“And above all, I thank you. I thank you for getting me here. For securing this for not just me - for all of us.

Because this victory doesn’t belong to me. This hard work wasn’t just mine. These _dreams_ aren’t. Just. Mine. They are the dreams of an entire nation. We’ve proven that, tonight. And now, they don’t have to be just dreams. Now, it’s my turn to work for _you_ to make them a reality.” 

The sleeves of Kara’s suit jacket and dress shirt hid the fact that there were likely chill bumps along her skin. She wondered if she would ever get used to how this woman could command a crowd. How effortless it seemed. How easy it was to believe her - to feel for her. And Kara wasn’t even under the full effect like those that were actually facing her were. She couldn’t see that radiant smile or the passion that burned in her eyes so fiercely there was simply no avoiding it. 

Again, Kara reached further into the crowd - the sunglasses she wore hiding the way her eyes darted from face to face, and the stillness of her stance combining in a way that made her almost statuesque. Invisible. At least, to anyone who wasn’t a threat. 

“Again, I thank you. This campaign and everyone involved in it thanks you. This nation thanks you. This was _your_ election. Now let’s start _our_ presidency.” 

The next moments were some of the most euphoric for Lena, as she walked the edges of the stage and waved and pointed and acknowledged as many people as she could.

They were some of the worst for Kara. Lena would be an easier target, now, for anyone who had been waiting for her to walk back and forth past the large sheets of bulletproof glass that had largely been protecting her from any possible long-range attack.

The following security briefing was little more than something to be endured. She knew the rules, by now. The implications. She would have scarcely a moment of privacy over at least the next four years. She would even sleep in a bedroom with unlocked doors so that the agents posted outside her rooms would have easy access. 

She wondered what that must have been like for past presidents and their wives, but upon further thought - she didn't actually want to know. Maybe she was just getting delirious. When was the last time she slept?

“Of course, as your head of security, Agent Danvers will be closest to you for the largest portion of your time in office. That will even trickle down into your hobbies. She's an excellent golfer, of course.”

“Golf?” Lena asked with a lift of one of her perfectly manicured brows as her fingertips drummed lightly at the little makeshift conference table they were all seated around. Her attention shifted to Kara. “I'm afraid we won't be doing much golfing. It's a terrible waste of resources at best, and we won't even get into the colonial attitude surrounding it. I'm not in the business of propagating things of that nature.”

Kara wasn't surprised. In fact, she'd suggested that likely wasn't Lena’s first choice for what to do with her free time. “What is it that you like to do, then?”

The liaison looked on curiously at their exchange while still trying to come to terms with the fact that they had a president who didn't like golf.

“Fencing,” Lena replied simply. “That's how I prefer to get my exercise in. And let off steam…”

“I can't tell you how much of a relief that is. But you'll have to deal with me fumbling through the learning curve.” Kara almost laughed again as she spoke. Almost. Just not quite. 

Somewhere in Lena’s fatigue-addled brain, an errant thought floated around - illogical, yet...she would like to make Kara laugh. She'd like to know if she was always this serious. This tense. Well, perhaps not tense. Ready? Yes, that seemed more accurate. “That won't be a problem.” 

Thankfully, though, they were huddling together into Marine One soon enough. The security briefing had gone by in a blur. For Lena, anyway, who was beyond exhausted, now. 

Kara could see it plain as day in her eyes as the aircraft took off and she slumped somewhat in her seat. 

“Ma’am, your coat,” Kara said as she approached, removed her glasses and moved to kneel in front of Lena’s seat to help her off with it. “We're leveled off now. You should move to the bench and rest.” 

Lena couldn't believe her ears at first. Was Kara really offering to let her sleep? Was she finally going to be able to shut her eyes for longer than the span of a car ride? 

“Are you sure?” 

Kara noted that despite the question being asked, Lena was already handing her coat over. “Yes, ma’am.” She answered simply, offering an encouraging smile that Lena found both infectious and soothing. 

Kara followed her the short distance to the other side of the surprisingly large, quiet space that made up the cabin and reached above her into the storage compartments to produce a small pillow that she placed at the head of the bench seat. A seat that was surprisingly comfortable, in Lena’s opinion. Then again, anything would have been comfortable right then. 

“I never would have guessed a Secret Service agent would have such good bedside manner,” Lena remarked as Kara draped her coat over her carefully. 

“Your well-being is my main concern. I can’t have you collapsing on me.” Kara explained as she moved back across the little walkway. Before she sat, she removed her suit jacket and rested it over the back of her chair as Lena watched the way the leather holster that crisscrossed Kara’s back shifted over the crisp material of her dress shirt.

When Kara sat down, she crossed one of her legs over the other and adjusted her holster so that it wasn’t pulling against her belt quite so awkwardly - though she left it on. She looked a little more relaxed. Whether or not she actually was, Lena couldn’t tell. “I’ll wake you up in plenty of time before we land, don’t worry. Just enjoy your first presidential nap.”

Any other time, Lena might have protested. She had more things to prepare for than she could count. More speeches to memorize than she ever had before. More...everything. But, right now, as Kara reached behind herself to dim the lights in the cabin to a soft, soothing glow - protesting was the last thing on her mind. 

Kara had always had a sense of duty that far outweighed anything else. She’d performed her job to the best of her ability, no matter what the assignment happened to be. No matter who she was assigned to. But as Lena’s eyes shut and, for now, didn’t open again - Kara realized she’d never felt more protective in her life. Not just because Lena was, arguably, the most important person in the free world. Not just because she’d collected more enemies in her campaign than many people did over the course of their entire presidency. But because Kara genuinely believed that she was good. That she was, on every level, worth protecting.


	2. A Friend

“Are you sure you have to be in the room?” Lena asked for probably the third time as she walked down the hall with Kara at her side. There was a slight rasp to her voice. Leave it to her to get sick a month into office.

“One-hundred percent sure.” 

“It seems…” Lena trailed off and glanced in Kara’s direction. 

“It’s just a cold, and as much as I’d like for you to be as comfortable as possible, I also appreciate you being as alive as possible.” 

“I highly doubt a cold is going to be what does me in, Agent.”

Kara laughed quietly in response to that. This was something new - Kara laughing. It was such an infectious laugh. And the more time she spent in the agent’s company, the more often she heard it. 

“Why is that funny, exactly?” 

“It isn’t my job to protect you from colds,” Kara explained with a smile still playing at her lips as she reached to open the door to the office they’d been heading for and stepped in to let Lena in. “What if your physician is compromised?” 

The gaze Alex leveled on her was the most deadly thing Kara had yet encountered on this assignment. 

“Compromised?” She asked in an even tone with a lift of one of her brows. “Really? The first time I meet her, and you’re going to suggest that I’m compromised.” 

Lena glanced between them but recovered quickly enough, reaching out to grasp the doctor’s hand. “I highly doubt you’re compromised, ah…”

“Doctor Alex Danvers. You can call me Alex, of course.” 

“Is Danvers a terribly common name and I’m just not aware of it?” Lena asked as she released her grip and Kara moved to stand near the door of the room. She was, suddenly, as stoic as always. Save for what might or might not have been a slight quirk of one side of her mouth.

“It wasn’t until my sister was assigned to head your team…” Alex trailed off and patted the cushion of the examination table nearby. 

“Oh, I see.” Lena glanced down at her hands as she nodded, then back up at Alex as she looked over what appeared to be a chart. The fact that she seemed to be clearing her throat repeatedly to avoid actually coughing wasn’t lost on Alex. 

“I’m actually glad you made it in today...though I’d have preferred to see you under better circumstances. I actually had a few questions.” 

“What might those be? I hope I have some answers for you.” 

Alex hummed to herself as she flipped a few pages in and tapped her pen against the sheet of paper she was examining. “I’ve never gotten an incomplete medical chart for someone newly elected. Especially in the area of family medical history. Would you mind filling me in on a few things before I figure out what’s ailing you?” 

Lena was quiet for a moment. She hadn’t been expecting that specific question. Not at all. She glanced in Kara’s direction to confirm that she was doing her absolute best to pay absolutely no attention. 

“I’m afraid I can’t help you there.” Lena began as Alex seemed to focus a bit harder on the charts. 

“You aren’t aware of who your biological parents might have been, you mean.” 

Well. At least she wasn’t going to have to explain that. “No. I’m sorry I can’t be of any more help.” 

Alex looked up at her with a smile and placed the chart aside dismissively. “No trouble at all. We’ll get some blood work on you and get more in-depth another time. We need to deal with this cold, for now.” 

“I was hoping that we could. We’ll be at Camp David in a few days for a cabinet meeting.” 

“And it’s going to be freezing. Yeah, we need to get you fixed up, for sure.” 

Lena quickly discovered that Kara witnessing the sneezing fit that Alex taking a nasal swab resulting in was, quite possibly, her least favorite thing. Especially when she caught the usually deadpan agent smiling softly from the corner of her eye. 

“Alright, you two hang tight. I’ll be back.” 

Lena thanked Alex and sighed as they were left alone. They hadn’t really been in this position yet. Alone. Awkwardly silent. Everything had just been so fast, lately. Lena was always busy. On the phone, in a meeting, and a million other things that her sick-muddled brain couldn’t even wrap around, right now. 

Then, another ill-timed fit of sneezes hit her, and Kara rushed in an almost comical fashion to bring her the box of tissues on the table near the door. 

“It’s not that serious, you know.” Lena chided quietly. She took the tissues, though - and dabbed at her already reddened nose as Kara sat the box next to her and looked her over. 

“It’s serious to me, ma’am.” Kara countered easily. 

“I wish you would call me Lena when we’re alone like this if I’m being entirely honest. I don’t know if I’ll even respond to it, anymore, at this point...it feels like I haven’t heard it in years.” 

Kara looked away, seemingly rolling that request around in her mind for a while. The sound of Lena patting the table next to herself drew her attention back, however. Kara took the seat being offered to her almost awkwardly. 

“Why do I get the feeling this isn’t you?” Lena finally asked after another rather long stretch of silence. “Like the times you laugh or the little jokes you crack sometimes that you don’t think I’m paying attention to are what’s really underneath all this?” 

Kara’s eyes were caught in Lena’s for a moment as she shook her head faintly. “It’s important to me to be good at my job. My job is protecting you. I can’t let anything distract me from that. I’m…” Kara sighed and rolled one of her shoulders. She was almost always tense these days. Truth be told, this was one of the most important things she’d ever been assigned to. And it was a 24/7 job. Not that she was feeling sorry for herself or anything. It was the same thing for Lena, only Lena actually _needed_ the sleep she’d been deprived of lately. 

“Relax. I’m not going to force you to be friends with me, Kara. It’s just that I spend more time with you than anyone else. I just want things to be a little easier, that’s all. And I have very little control over the rest of my life. At least if things weren’t quite so tense in this area - that would be one box checked among a hundred other boxes that likely won't ever be.”

Kara looked down at her palms and, for once, reigned everything in. Her hearing, too. She closed in on this room. On this moment, and nodded faintly. She was present. For once, she was present. And she found the deepness of Lena’s questioning gaze almost startling. “You wouldn't be forcing me, Lena. You're...you're just an incredible woman.”

“That's...thank you.” Kara had said her name. She'd actually said her name. And it hadn't felt foreign at all. In fact, it had been strangely comforting. “But I'm just a woman.”

“Just?” Kara asked with a lift of one of her brows. “You’re so important and you have no idea. You've given so many people hope.”

“I couldn't do any of that without you, could I?” Lena presses further. Maybe it was the fever she didn't know she was running. Maybe it was the exhaustion. The words had just...come out. 

“It's my job.”

“It takes a special person to do that job. It takes a special person to put themselves in the way of the most possible harm anyone is likely to encounter. You're telling me you never even had any second thoughts? That you never looked over the reports of death threats before I was even elected and wished your first Presidential assignment had been at least somewhat more mundane?”

“No.” Kara's response came without much thought. She didn't have to think, really. Then again, she knew a lot of things Lena didn't. She knew those risks were really only minor inconveniences to her. Bullets, physical attacks...none of them were a real threat. And that's why she was here. But she'd never asked herself if she'd still be here if that weren't the case. And she would. She would absolutely be right here, waiting to find out that she'd been right - that this wasn't just a simple cold she shouldn't worry herself over.

As if on cue, Alex opened the door with a grim look on her face. “Tail end of the flu.” She explained quickly after shutting the door. She passed Lena a small paper bag and frowned slightly as Kara got up from where she'd been sitting immediately and returned to her place by the door. 

She shot a look in Kara's direction before she continued. “Those should knock out at least most of the symptoms by the time you go. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to advise you to stay away from anything involving people for at least the next two days. Wouldn't want the entire White House out, right? And Kara is fine. She never gets sick, so don't worry about her. Although, it might be entertaining to see her get knocked on her ass by something like the rest of us for once…”

“Alex!” 

Lena’s eyes darted in Kara’s direction in time to catch her cheeks flushing when she hissed her sister’s name sharply. 

“Ah, so that’s what it takes to get her out of her shell. Threats of being knocked on her ass.” Lena made the remark so casually and dryly that Alex erupted into a fit of laughter and Kara’s blushed became unmanageable. 

“Maybe we should see how you fare with an épée.”

Alex looked appropriately confused for a moment until Kara picked up on it and came to the rescue. 

“It’s like a foil. You know, in fencing? Only it’s slightly heavier and used in a type of fencing where the entire body is a valid target.” 

Lena was stunned. But she allowed Kara her moment of glory. 

“Ah. Well. No fencing until Madam President is on the mend. Is that clear?” She’d been speaking to Kara, but Lena answered for her. 

“Of course, Doctor. Wouldn’t dream of not having enough of an edge to...knock her on her ass, as you put it?” 

“Yes. Yes, that’s exactly how I put it.” Alex confirmed without missing a beat. She offered Lena a hand to help her down off the table and saw them out the door.

Lena was quiet for much of the walk back to the office she spent most of her days in, now. Finally, though, she looked over at Kara who was, as usual, beside and slightly behind her. Sometimes Lena wondered why that was. Perhaps to be able to grab her quickly enough if need be. Perhaps to be able to get in front of her, or behind her in the event of...no. Lena couldn’t consider that. Even as little as they really knew each other - the thought of Kara sacrificing anything at all for her was unspeakable. 

“You googled fencing.” Lena finally accused, albeit gently. 

“I might have,” Kara responded as she adjusted her suit jacket as though that would somehow save her some face. “It seems like something that’s important to you. And I want to understand the things that are important to you. Is...is that bad?” 

The cautionary glance Kara cast in her direction caused Lena to fall back half a step so that Kara had no choice but to be beside her. “It was important to me, once upon a time. Now - it’s just something I might dabble in here or there. I prefer it to the traditional workout. And I certainly am not the golfing type, but we’ve already established that. And no, it’s not bad. I’m...flattered if I’m being entirely honest. I know how hard you work. How much you have to do. The fact that you’d go out of your way to learn about a sport you’ve never participated in is rather sweet, actually.” 

They were met halfway back to the office by one of the waitstaff wheeling a cart in the same direction they were heading, and Lena groaned as the young man made his way past them so that her breakfast would be waiting for her before she even made it to her desk in the morning. “I’ve eaten more in the past month than I ever have in my entire life. Isn’t there some sort of unsubscribe button for this whole three square meals a day nonsense?” 

“No. Definitely not.” Kara laughed quietly under her breath and held the door open for Lena once they made it there. Lena didn’t really notice the way Kara scanned the rooms they entered anymore. The way her hand hovered just at the belt of her dress pants - ready to reach past her jacket at a moment’s notice. No, thankfully that was one thing Lena had gotten used to. Or she’d be even more on edge than she already was. 

“But I’ll definitely help you eat it if you’re not feeling up to the usual four-course breakfast they serve you.” 

Lena’s eyes lit up at the prospect. Both at the possibility of not having to be concerned about sending a half-eaten meal back to the chef and at doing something - anything at all - for Kara. “I’d like that, actually. It might even feel like a normal meal, for once. Should I get into the habit of bribing you with food? That might be a kinder way of getting something out of you than poking you with the end of a sharp object…” 

“Maybe. I like food a lot more than I like getting stabbed.” 

Lena eyed Kara for a beat before responding. “Been stabbed a lot? I've been meaning to ask about that scar near your eyebrow. It really adds to the whole ‘tough guy’ demeanor.”

“Oh, this?” Kara asked as she took a chair near the table Lena’s breakfast had been laid out on. It was quite the spread. “I got this defending a litter of helpless kittens from a wild bear attack.”

The gaze Lena leveled on her had them both laughing over the toast they were now sharing. Lena thought idly that it was nice to laugh like this. With someone who didn’t feel compelled to find her humorous.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

“You have to move with me. I promise how I move won’t change. You just have to learn the steps, okay?”

Lena nodded as she took a moment to catch her breath. She’d gone from being shaken at seeing Kara in sweats instead of a suit to absolutely hating her apparent abundance of stamina. 

Kara, for the first time that afternoon, was apparently in a merciful mood. “Get some water. You still haven’t shaken the last of that flu. Sorry.” 

Another thing that had left Lena rather shaken. The way Kara was acting - the way she was speaking to her. There were no more ‘ma’ams’ or awkward fumbles of her actual name. No, it seemed Kara’s top priority right now was teaching her how to...be less of a target than she was. 

Only Kara was infuriatingly un-sweaty and un-breathless. Lena, on the other hand, had her hair up in a damp, messy bun and was on her third bottle of water. 

“One more time.” Kara finally said as she walked back to the center of the training mat. 

“Okay, but how am I supposed to be able to tell which direction the attack is coming from, again?” Lena asked with a slight divot of confusion between her brows. 

“You aren’t. That’s my job, and I’ll always know. Alright?” 

Lena exhaled deeply as she nodded and fell into step just in front of Kara when the other woman began walking. 

The sharp, simulated noise came from a different direction this time. Again. Like every time. 

Yet, before she could even find it within herself to be startled, Kara had shifted her position and pressed herself to her back. At the same time - she quickened their pace. 

For the first time, they made it to the doorway of the room without Lena tripping her. For that much, at least, Lena was thankful. She couldn’t imagine how many bruises Kara had from turning them while they fell to avoid hurting Lena. She didn’t need to know that there _were_ no bruises. She didn’t need to know that, at all. 

“Perfect. That was perfect.” 

When Kara finally let her go and Lena turned around to look at her, she couldn’t help but return the grin Kara was wearing. She couldn’t help the warmth in her chest that resulted from the _real_ confident. Because Kara wasn’t a yes-man. Not right now, anyway. Lena could be absolutely sure of that. It was nice to hear that she’d done a good job at something and _know_ she’d done a good job. 

Kara didn’t realize, in her excitement, that she was still touching Lena’s arm. Neither had Lena, apparently, because she glanced down when kara pulled her hand back abruptly. 

“One more exercise.” Kara recovered quickly enough. At least, she thought she had. In any event, she was already walking back into the workout room. 

Lena nodded, once again focusing in on Kara completely. She wasn’t a fan of wasting anyone’s time. And she definitely wasn’t a fan of making mistakes. 

“In this one, there will be a close-quarters physical attack. Get your knee pads on. You’ll be knocked over, and I’ll grapple with the assailant to buy you time. It’s your job to recover quickly enough to escape to the nearest agent. Okay?” 

Lena froze for a moment, glancing over at the alarmingly large man that had been overseeing her exercises. 

“I...don’t want you to get hurt…” Lena began apprehensively. 

Kara frowned softly and cut her eyes at the other agent in the room. She knew they were both thinking the same thing. 

“Lena...you have to understand that if it comes down to it-”

“Can...I’m sorry. Can we move on with the exercise, actually?” Lena asked, nearly wincing when she heard how poor a job she’d done at hiding the urgency in her voice. 

Kara cleared her throat. “Of course.” 

A moment later, they were walking across the mat again. 

Nothing could have prepared Lena for the sight and the sound of the second agent barreling at them. And the knowledge that this man was inevitably going to make contact with Kara. That Kara was _between_ them.

And Kara hadn’t really prepared herself for the possibility of Lena freezing. With a grit of her teeth, Kara took the full force of the blow - leaning her shoulder down into the man’s stomach and flattening him onto the mat once they were done tumbling. 

Lena’s eyes went wide as the man laid there, gasping for the breath that had been knocked from his lungs - and Kara stood up to help him back to his feet. 

“I…” Lena jogged over to them both quickly, but her attention was on Kara. Who shouldn’t have been able to take a hit that hard. Right? But she seemed fine. She seemed alarmingly fine. Much better than the behemoth of an man who was chuckling now that he had his breath back. “I didn’t mean to freeze up like that. I’m so sorry. Both of you...I…” 

“No need for apologies, ma’am. I’m used to ass-kickings courtesy of Danvers. Keeps me on my toes.” He rolled his shoulders and turned around to go back to his starting position as Lena turned her attention to Kara, who was only smiling at her reassuringly. 

“It’s okay. We don’t expect you to be perfect every time. That was good. It’s important we get to know these things now. Okay?” 

Lena sighed and lifted a hand to the back of her own neck in frustration as she rocked on one of the heels of her bare feet. “Yeah. Yeah, but are you alright?”

“Totally fine. Promise.” Kara feigned an easy smile. Quelled the protectiveness she felt roiling in her gut. But it was always there. And it just seemed to be getting worse. She just...wasn’t used to it bleeding into this. Into the furrow in Lena’s brow and how...disappointed she looked in herself. “Let’s go again?” 

And they did. At Lena’s urging, even. Until she got it right. Until she stopped making mistakes. Until she was drenched in as much sweat as the other agent that had been working with them. 

She was so exhausted, she could scarcely put her thoughts together as Kara escorted her to her rooms for a shower she remembered mumbling about while Kara had toweled off. 

Kara recognized this as a good opportunity to say some things that desperately needed to be said. 

“Can I ask you for a promise, Lena?” 

The name still felt strange on her tongue. The familiarity still felt strange in ways she couldn’t quite wrap her head around. 

“Mm. What’s that?” 

“Stop worrying about me. Stop worrying about me now, before we know each other for any longer than we already have. Promise me that if it goes to shit, you’ll let me do my job.” 

Lena’s pace slowed as she considered the implications of that question. “And how do you suggest I do that? You know that I’m not the type of person to...to...” 

“I’m not asking you to change who you are. Who you are is why you’re where you’re at, right now. Who you are got you where you need to be. All I’m asking for is that you don’t think with the heart on that sleeve of yours if something happens. Think with your head. It could get me hurt if you don’t.” 

“Kara, it could get you killed if you do.” 

“You’re telling me something I already know,” Kara replied evenly. There was no hint of hesitation in her tone. Not even close. “I signed up for that. But my goal is to get you to safety. To be with you until the threat is far enough away or neutralized entirely. And if you hesitate or think of any repercussions, that’s a lot less likely to happen.” 

Kara stopped walking as Lena’s mouth worked like she was trying to speak, despite no words coming out. Kara looked down at the floor between them for a moment before looking back up at her. 

“I understand. Trust me.” Lena finally said. “I…” She turned her head away and looked almost helplessly conflicted for a moment. “I promise. I promise I wouldn’t do anything to make things harder on you than they already are.” 

Kara listened carefully to that response. Took note of the fact that she hadn’t mentioned herself or her own safety. Alright. If it had to be about her, so be it. 

“I’m sorry. I know that wasn’t comfortable for you.” Kara’s voice was strangely quiet as she reached past Lena to open a door for her that Lena hadn’t even realized they’d arrived at. 

“Thank you,” Lena said quickly before Kara could take the few steps away that she was allowed to take. Steps that would allow Lena what little privacy could be afforded to her. 

“For what?” Kara asked with a tilt of her head. 

“Being patient with me earlier. I know I probably wasn’t the easiest student.”

“Are you kidding?” Kara asked with a broad, genuine grin. “We had you slotted for at least four more hours today. Must be all that fencing.” A grin that was followed with a wink that, surprisingly, didn’t come off at all ridiculous. It was...charming. 

Lena felt relief flood her as she turned to make her way into her rooms. Kara looked so...different like this. Not the sweatsuit or the ponytail or the lack of sunglasses, though. 

The smile. It was the smile that was so different. 

It was the way it made her feel. 

Like she had a friend.


	3. Camp David

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the slow update on this one! Hopefully, they'll be a little more frequent in the future.

“You’re sure you’re up to this?” Kara asked as she tightened the cinch on the saddle belonging to the horse Lena would be riding on the trail that day. Hers was already saddled, but she’d be handling Lena’s tack for her. It was her responsibility to keep her safe, after all - and it wouldn’t do to have the President breaking anything on a rather easy trail. 

“I’m completely fine. Your sister said as much before we departed, yes?” Lena countered as she observed Kara over the saddle she was currently settling in place. 

“Mm.” The corner of Kara’s lips quirked slightly in amusement at the sudden, easy logic that Lena had laid down. Then again, she should have been used to that by now. They’d been at Camp David for three days, now, and things were going as good as could have been expected. This ride was a good escape for Lena, who hadn’t slept much. Who had been through quite a few frustrations regarding things that were far above Kara’s pay-grade. Yet, they were still things Kara was still happy to have Lena lean on her for. 

Kara had even stayed up with Lena a night or two as she reviewed who she’d be entertaining the following day. Yet, even with all this time they were spending together, there was never truly any _time_. Not until now. Now, it would just be the two of them - enjoying an hour-long trail ride on a brisk morning. 

Lena was almost nervous. It had been so long since she’d actually spent time one-on-one with anyone at all, much less Kara - who she’d started viewing as a friend. 

“All set.” Kara finally announced - offering Lena an inviting smile as she moved towards the stirrup Lena was approaching, standing still for her easily as her shoulder was used as a bit of a hand-rail for a moment. 

Lena was still getting herself situated when Kara moved to her own horse and swung herself up into the saddle with an irritating amount of ease.

“Is there anything you don't excel at?” Lena asked slyly as she nudged her horse to catch up with Kara’s.

“Well...you haven't asked me to fence with you, yet,” Kara responded with a little chuckle that was so much warmer than the chill of the air outside the stables that were now behind them. 

“Well, we’ll have to set a date when we get back to D.C.” 

“Oh?” Kara asked, sounding like she was both hopeful and accepting of her fate all at once. “Do you miss it?”

“The White House?” Lena scoffed with a look of disbelief thrown in Kara’s direction. “I don't tend to miss places.”

“What about people?” Kara countered. “Or are you immune to that, too?”

“I don't have many people to miss,” Lena said, sounding oddly at peace with this reality. 

Kara was quiet for a while before she started up again. “You know...I know you were uncomfortable when Alex brought up your parents while I was in the room. I didn't know how to tell you this, or even if it would help - but I'm adopted, too.” 

Lena was caught off-guard for a moment, and all she could do was fiddle with the reins she was holding in her hands until she finally managed to look at Kara, who had inched her horse just a touch closer to Lena’s.

“Thank you for sharing that with me. Since you're feeling so open today, are you in the mood to tell me about that scar, yet?”

“Oh, this one?” Kara asked as her rather serious expression shifted when she pointed at her own face and smiled in a way that was almost silly. “Second floor of a burning building caved in on me while I was saving a newborn lamb.”

“Oh, no! What was the lamb doing in the burning building?” Lena’s eyes were wide, and her expression was both feigned and mischievous.

“Oh, I don't recall, now. It's been so long, you know?” 

Lena laughed. A long, wheezing, much-needed laugh that had Kara smiling from ear-to-ear. 

Lena was so serious so often. And stressed even more frequently than that. No one knew that better than Kara. That was one of the reasons she'd reminded Lena about this trail and the tradition behind riding it. Well, one of them. The other nagging thoughts that Kara kept just below the surface of her consciousness would have to wait. 

“It feels a little strange to be doing this when there are so many other things that need my attention,” Lena admitted once they turned down the first leg of the trail and were blanketed by the privacy of forest. 

“It’s not really leisure time.” Kara countered easily. “Just another thing that’s expected of you, so view it as another thing you have to get out of the way instead of something to feel guilty for.” 

“It doesn’t feel like something to get out of the way.” Lena glanced in Kara’s direction as she admitted this, perhaps to both of them. “It’s nice to be out here with you with no stacks of papers in the way.” 

“Try to let yourself enjoy it then, at least,” Kara said - though her voice was strangely quiet. 

When Lena turned to look at her - she saw the agent’s attention was focused not on her, but the forest around them. Lena hadn’t even noticed the sound of branches cracking that Kara had heard, but she thought it best to stay quiet while Kara listened until she seemed satisfied that it wasn’t anything that needed further investigation. 

“Sorry,” Kara continued with an apologetic smile. “I still have a job to do.” 

“Don’t apologize. Rabbits are fearsome creatures, I hear.” Lena jabbed playfully, and Kara chuckled under her breath. 

For a while, they rode together in comfortable silence. Lena quite enjoyed the quiet. She also enjoyed the warmth and safety of having Kara at her side. She was one of her only constants now, after all. One of the few things she could count on - day in, and day out. 

That’s why she had absolutely no chance of reacting in time when one of those ‘fearsome’ rabbits sped across the trail almost directly beneath her horse’s hooves. 

The horse was rearing within seconds - balking at Lena’s tenuous hold on its reins. 

Just as Lena was preparing herself for what was likely to be a rather uncomfortable fall, like a flash in front of her eyes - Kara had one hand wrapped around the alarmed horse’s reins and the other on the front of her coat. She’d never even left her own saddle. 

Lena was shocked for a moment as the horse whinnied a few times after his hooves were firmly back on the ground, and Kara was still holding him strongly against her own horse’s shoulder. She was so focused on calming the animal down, she didn’t even realize how tightly she was holding onto Lena’s coat until every finally relaxed and Lena placed a hand over her own. 

Only then did Kara let go, and rather quickly, as she looked Lena over with wide eyes for any possible sign of injury. “I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?” Kara finally asked as Lena shook her head. 

“No. No, not at all. Is your shoulder still intact?” 

Kara let out a nervous laugh - half relief, half dismissal. “Of course, it is. I’ve handled worse things than scared horses.” 

“Like burning buildings with lambs in them,” Lena suggested, finally fixing her coat where Kara had unintentionally bunched it up. 

“Something like that.” Kara reached out and gave Lena’s horse a reassuring pat on his neck and got them walking again soon thereafter. “You’re absolutely hilarious, by the way.” 

“That’s a lot coming from someone who I didn’t know could laugh until fairly recently.” Lena quipped, finally managing to get the faint tremor out of her voice. But everything was fine, now. Between the steady, low sound of hooves on the padding of pine needles and all the pleasant scents mingling together, she was starting to relax. “I didn’t mean for that to be an insult if it came across as one. I know you can rarely afford to let your guard down.” 

“It didn’t,” Kara reassured her. “Not at all. I know how I can be. I also appreciate being a little more...myself with you.” 

“So do I,” Lena admitted, glancing down at the water bottle Kara was offering her. “Thank you. Um...and thank you for earlier, too. I don’t know how I’d live down being the first President in history to get taken out by a rabbit.”

“Oh, don’t worry.” Kara took the bottle back from Lena once she’d taken a few sips and hooked it back where it had been. “I wouldn’t let you go out like that.”

“How would you let me go out, then?” Lena asked, clearly amused.

“I wouldn’t let you go out, period.” Kara sounded almost insulted, and Lena looked over quickly to make sure that she didn’t look as wounded as she sounded. 

Lena snorted quietly when she realized Kara was smirking and returning her look from the corner of her eye. 

‘Cute’ came to mind. She didn’t give voice to the observation, of course...but she couldn’t do much about her thoughts. They were just thoughts, after all. 

Kara was dealing with a few of her own. She wasn’t new to protecting people. She wasn’t new to dangerous situations. Not by a long shot. What she was _extremely_ new to, was just how hard her heart was still hammering just from the prospect of Lena being in real danger. Real, present danger - as benign as it had been, in the end.

Not that that was a bad thing. It was never a bad thing to have a genuine desire to do a job well. It was just...this felt like some sort of weird mixture of a job and something else. Something that was easy enough to look past once they got back to the compound and back into the swing of things. When Kara was once again a silent presence, and not someone who very much wanted to keep making Lena laugh - because Lena needed to laugh, sometimes. Lena _deserved_ to laugh sometimes. 

Well, if you asked Kara, she’d say ‘all’ the time. But that just wasn’t a reality. For the last few days of this trip, Lena was buried in formalities and things that just weren’t Kara’s area of expertise. 

It wasn’t until they were finally on a plane and heading home late one night that they were alone together, again. And Lena was trying everything in her power not to pass out. 

“You should rest.” Kara urged quietly for what had to be the dozenth time as Lena’s eyelids drooped while she scrolled over a few e-mails she hadn’t gotten around to reading, yet. 

The lights in the plane were dimmed. There hadn’t been any turbulence. It was the perfect storm. Yet, Lena shot Kara an almost pleading look. 

“I’m so behind.” 

“No, you aren’t. You’re doing just fine. But if you don’t rest, you’re just going to get sick again. And then, you’re going to work right through being sick, and I’m probably going to wind up dying of a heart attack or something, eventually.” 

Lena glanced in Kara’s direction to find her already pulling a pillow and blanket out of the overhead storage that lined the ceiling above where she’d been lounging. 

“I take it I don’t have a choice?” Lena asked as Kara approached her. Despite her attempt at arguing, she lifted her head so Kara could place the pillow beneath it. 

“You’re the President. Of course, you have a choice.” Kara responded easily as she took her time placing the blanket over Lena, then reached over her head to turn off the reading lamp she had on. 

“This doesn’t feel like a choice if I’m being entirely honest.” Lena countered with a slight frown. 

Kara sighed quietly and reached for Lena’s tablet - removing it from her hands in a surprisingly gentle manner as she knelt down beside the sofa-like seat Lena was stretched out over. 

“Alright. Let’s try this, then.” Kara dimmed the screen of the tablet and placed it aside as Lena finally settled her full attention on her. “Will you please rest until we get there? I would consider it a personal favor.” 

Lena was more than a little caught off-guard by this soft, unfamiliar side of Kara. She found herself very much wanting to ease her concerns. 

“That’s not very fair, actually,” Lena complained quietly as Kara smiled - just a soft curl of the corners of her lips - then wrapped the blanket around her even more, managing to trap her arm beneath it, this time. 

“I know. Are you going to fire me?” Kara asked with a quiet laugh. 

“No. No, I don’t think so.” Lena had even pretending to consider it for a moment before answering. That had only served to broaden Kara’s smile into something that even Lena’s tired eyes had a hard time looking away from.

Because she knew it was real, mostly. She knew that these moments were real. 

“Alright. Alright, I’ll sleep. Are you happy?” 

“I’ll be happy when you start snoring,” Kara said when she finally stood and moved to her own side of the plane to watch over her. 

“I don’t snore,” Lena responded, looking utterly taken-aback.

Kara lifted one of her brows and snorted quietly. “I have some bad news for you, Madam President.” 

“Don’t tell me, then,” Lena said as she turned on her side under her blanket to get more comfortable. “Leave me with at least some dignity.” 

“Alright.” Kara conceded, propping her head in her hand and breathing a small sigh of relief when Lena’s eyes finally shut. “You are nothing but graceful. Even in your sleep. I’m sure you’ve never snored in your life.”

“That’s better.” Lena murmured. 

“Shh…”

“You can’t shush me.”

“Shh-shh-shh…” Kara insisted, somehow managing not to laugh through it. 

Lena might have had a comeback ready, were she not finally drifting off. 

Kara realized after a while that she’d been watching Lena sleep for far too long, and instead reached for a book she’d set aside for herself. Reading was always a good distraction from her thoughts. Well, usually. 

But she couldn’t help glancing up now and then to make sure Lena hadn’t stirred. To make sure she didn’t need anything. 

And maybe just to look at her. Even if she wouldn’t admit that to herself.


	4. Late Nights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back off hiatus with this one! Sorry about the wait :).

“How are you not even sweating?” Lena demanded as she removed her mask and leaned over with one of her hands on her knee as she attempted to begin to catch her breath. 

Kara shot her an apologetic smile in response as she offered her a towel. 

“Because you’re in that disgustingly good kind of shape where you aren’t the least bit bothered by a solid half-hour of swordplay…” 

Lena lifted a hand to stop Kara making any excuses for her and laughed, still sounding more than a little breathless. “If you’re going to apologize, don’t.” Lena continued, taking the towel from Kara’s hands and pressing her face into it. “That was fun. I needed that.” 

Kara believed her, too. The past few weeks had been hell on Earth for her, and Kara had been there for it all. From the moment they’d arrived back from Camp David, Lena had been bombarded with what seemed like a neverending stream of crisis. 

But then that never really changed. 

What had changed, however, was...well. Too much. For Kara, anyway. 

Lena had discovered it was nearly always Kara that stood watch outside her door at night, and that Kara was more than happy to listen to whatever it was that Lena was working on far too late into the evening.

It had been gradual. And Kara had been so careful about keeping their relationship professional with a side of friendship because Lena needed that. She needed a relatively uninvolved confidant that she could trust. And Kara could be that for her. 

Even if, slowly but surely, Lena had grown on her in a way she had never intended for her to. Even in her white padded outfit with her pulled-back hair sweaty and stuck to her skin in places, she was…

“Kara? Are you alright?” Lena asked as she tossed her towel over her shoulder. 

Kara’s eyes snapped down to the bottle of water Lena was holding out for her. “Yes, ma’am. A little hungry, that’s all.” 

“Ma’am?” Lena asked with a quirk of her brow as she snorted softly in the back of her throat. That was a sound not many people got to hear, and it made Kara smile to hear it now. “I’m better than you at something for once and suddenly I’m back to ma’am, again?” 

“No.” Kara wrinkled her nose in Lena’s direction. “And you’re better than me at plenty of things. That’s why you’re you and I’m me.” 

“That’s not true,” Lena replied simply, heading for the door of the training room they’d taken up residence in without waiting for a response from Kara. She paused, though, with her hand on the door handle. “I don’t have any prior engagements for dinner, if you’re hungry enough to sacrifice the rest of your evening to keep me company.”

“It’s not a sacrifice.” Kara corrected her as she jogged over to the door and opened it so Lena wouldn’t have to. “We’re friends, remember? It’ll be nice to not technically be on duty while we have dinner.”

“It would be even nicer to go to a restaurant without it having to be a photo op.” Lena lamented, and Kara gave her a sad little half-smile. 

She couldn’t imagine living her life under a microscope the way Lena did. Especially considering how private her own was. No one knew her name. No one knew who she was. Just another suit. Another pair of glasses. Lena knew more about her than almost anyone at this point. 

“Potstickers, right?” Lena asked as she turned another corner with Kara at her side as if she could read her mind right now. As if Kara needed a reminder that this woman with the weight of a nation on her shoulders still had the mental stamina left to remember her favorite food. Or maybe she just cared. 

Kara nearly rolled her eyes at herself as Lena made it to the door of her suite, and Kara nodded in the direction of the agent posted outside her door. 

“Clear.” He said without really looking in Kara’s direction. 

“Good.” She responded simply before following Lena inside. 

Things hadn’t just changed for Kara. That ‘good’ certainly didn’t make Lena feel _friendly_ things. But who could blame her? A president couldn’t just wander off in search of all the things her life was currently missing. And she couldn’t exactly help that Kara was all those things. And completely. Utterly. Off-limits. 

Still. It was nice to watch Kara pick up the phone and order Lena’s current favorite from a chef who was endlessly thankful that Lena was easily the least demanding president he had ever served under. A pomegranate and pear salad with goat cheese. 

“Pecans tonight?” Kara asked, clearly having been prompted by the chef. 

“Sounds perfect,” Lena said as she began working at the fastenings of her suit until she was finally in her undershirt and leggings. 

Kara nearly forgot what she was doing for a moment in response, but managed to pull it together enough to finish their dinner order. It was more than a little unusual to see Lena so dressed-down, even for Kara. 

But then it wasn't like she wasn't returning the favor shortly thereafter, albeit not exactly voluntarily. On the contrary, she was almost frozen while Lena began working on the unfamiliar fastenings and tied as soon as she’d placed the phone receiver back down.

It was an oddly tense moment. Kara knew the short, too-sharp exhale Lena must have heard likely didn't help any. 

“You don't have to do that,” Kara said with a tone in her voice Lena had never heard before. 

“Don't be ridiculous,” Lena said dismissively, hoping her smile didn't look too forced as her hands moved to Kara’s sides to unfix the chest pad from the rest of the suit. 

It was more intimate than she'd thought it would be. And for no apparent reason. Lena had helped any number of people with fencing attire...there was no reason this should have been any different, yet it was. 

Especially when Kara’s hands began to follow her own in an attempt to help, though more often than not their fingertips just kept brushing in little awkward collisions until Kara gave up and just went still. She looked straight ahead for the most part, but Lena could have sworn she saw those vivid blue eyes so often hidden behind aviators flash in her direction now and again.

And those looks did little to help the uncomfortable warmth she was suffocating in. 

“So, what’s the scar from?” Lena asked with a weak little laugh once she finally managed to pull the jacket from Kara’s arms, leaving her in just a v-neck and sweats. 

“An eagle attack.” Kara hadn't meant to whisper the response as Lena looked at her, but she couldn't help it. Because Lena was really _looking_ at her. And she was so close Kara could feel the warmth from their fencing session still radiating off of her.

“Of course. An eagle attack.” Lena’s voice was airy as she stepped away, and the moment was finally broken.

At least Kara could breathe, again. 

She regarded Lena a little more rationally as the other woman moved towards a sofa in the middle of her sitting room, snatching up a tablet along the way and finding herself a comfortable spot as she opened a document Kara had seen more than once.

“State of the Union?” Kara asked, making her way over and finding a place in an armchair near the end of the sofa Lena was sitting on. 

“Mm.” Lena murmured absently as she scrolled along the screen she was peering down at.

Kara smiled and tilted her head as she folded her hands in her lap and got comfortable. “ Another long night, then.”

Lena nodded and folded out a keyboard - clicking away for a moment or two before she was scrolling again just as she had been before.

“Mm. It's getting closer.” Lena said once she was finally able to split enough of her attention to speak with some semblance of coherence. 

“I've read it a dozen times.” Kara watched the way Lena worried at one of her cuticles with her teeth with a small frown. “It's good, Lena.”

Hearing her name made Lena glance up at the woman who had spoken it. At the entreaty in her eyes and the encouraging curl of the corners of her lips. “Is it? Or is it just a bunch of bullshit fluff to make it seem as though my efforts aren't being blocked at every turn?”

Kara hadn't ever heard Lena speak like that. She hadn't really realized how much this must have been weighing on her. “Can I sit with you so that we can look together?”

“Of course.” Lena’s response sounded like Kara had asked her the most ridiculous question she could have. And maybe she had, but she stood and moved to claim the cushion next to Lena’s nonetheless. 

“Which part is the bullshit part?” Kara asked as she looked over the words Lena was still scrolling through. 

“This,” Lena responded simply, stopping the document and highlighting a passage with an irritated expression on her face. 

Kara read over it carefully. Even leaned forward and furrowed her brows in concentration. “This is just, in essence, saying that you’ve made progress. What’s untrue about that?” 

“The part about my having made progress,” Lena responded dryly. “This country deserves to know that I haven’t done a fraction of what I intend to do. Every person that’s going to be listening to this deserves to know that I _know_ they want to see results and that I’m going to give them exactly that.” 

“Then tell them,” Kara responded, leaning back into the couch and meeting Lena’s gaze when it was leveled on her. “I’m serious. Tell them. Tell them you’re doing everything in your power, and you’ll never stop. I don’t claim to have some deep understanding of politics. All I know is that we have never been more disenfranchised as a nation, and you are the only thing standing in the way of a loss of hope that would send it all tumbling to the ground. They believed in you enough to put you here. In everything that you’ve said and done so far. Do you really think it would be a bad idea to tell your proofers to take a day off?” 

Lena was a little dumbfounded. It was easy to assume Kara paid little attention. That she drowned a lot out in her little world of shadows and mystery that she lived in. Lena hadn’t ever really considered the possibility that that wasn’t at all the case. 

“No,” Lena said quietly. “No, I don’t think that would be a bad idea, at all.” 

Kara smiled softly in response to that. “Can I tell you a secret?” 

Lena exhaled in a sound that might have been a laugh. “Of course.” 

“I voted for you.” Kara sounded earnest, suddenly. She _looked_ earnest. “I voted for you because I believed in you just like everyone else. And I still do.” 

Lena’s lips parted, but she didn’t manage to form any words. Not at first, anyway. Not with the way Kara was looking at her. Not with the way Kara had reached for her hand to give it a firm squeeze before letting go again. “I...Kara, I...thank you.” 

“Don’t thank me. Just...believe in yourself like we believe in you.” Kara answered as she pushed herself up from the sofa and made her way towards the door just in time to meet the person charged with bringing their dinner to Lena’s rooms. Lena hadn’t even heard a knock…

It wasn’t long before Kara had their dinner set up at a little two-seated table in the corner of the sitting room only to find Lena clicking away at the little keyboard attached to her tablet. 

She didn’t start eating, of course. She just waited until Lena noticed and waved a hand in her direction. “Go ahead.” 

“I’d rather wait for you, actually,” Kara said as she clicked her chopsticks quietly against the edge of her plate a few times. “Don’t rush. I’m fine.” 

Lena sighed and placed her tablet aside, stretching herself out as she stood and ambled over towards Kara. It had been a while since she’d gotten a decent workout in. In fact, the last time she could remember being this sore was the last time she’d trained with Kara. 

But it wasn’t a bad soreness. It was one she didn’t mind. One that meant she would sleep well tonight, and probably a lot earlier than she usually did, too. 

“You are most certainly not fine. You don’t let me in on a lot, but I know if you’re hungry enough to mention it - you’re already knocking on death’s door.” Kara didn’t seem bothered by the observation. If anything, she was amused by the time Lena sat down across from her and began unrolling the cloth wrapped around her silverware. 

A cloth Kara had already unrolled and re-rolled before she got to the table. Because every time they shared a meal like this, Kara checked it over before Lena ever got to touch it. 

It was something Lena was getting used to. It was something she found difficult not to take personal - all the care Kara took with her. It was getting harder every time, really. But that’s what friends did for one another. They cared. 

“How’s your salad? Is something wrong? I can call down…” 

Lena hadn’t even realized she’d been picking, and she offered Kara an apologetic smile as she took her first bite. And of course, there was nothing wrong with the salad. It was as good as it always was. 

“Distracted,” Lena responded quietly, and Kara frowned when she realized Lena was having a difficult time disguising the fatigue in her voice. Because Lena always did that. She hated being worried over, and half the time it drove Kara crazy.

But it was also one of the things Kara respected most about her. There were so many conflicting feelings, now, regarding Lena. The President, she had to remind herself. 

“We’re both distracted tonight,” Kara responded just as softly after she polished off her last potsticker before Lena even had a chance to finish a quarter of her salad. 

Kara faltered for a second. She hadn’t been expecting Lena to dig any further into that remark. Not at all. She hoped, at least, it hadn’t shown on her face. But when she looked up, Lena was eating her salad just like she had been before. 

“The Address. You’re writing the most important thing you’ve written yet, and I’m worried about the same things I’m always worried about any time you’re outside of these rooms.” Kara was pleased with how normal that had sounded. Not that it had been a lie. 

“No one is going to be trying anything at the State of the Union, Kara,” Lena said with a genuinely amused laugh that faded into nothing when she looked up to see the genuine concern on Kara’s face. 

She placed her fork down almost immediately and reached out to rest her hand over Kara’s forearm where it was laying next to her plate on the table. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to minimize what you do, Kara. It’s only you’re so good at it that I know I needn’t worry.” 

Kara’s expression softened as she looked down at Lena’s hand on her arm until it slipped away, and when she looked back up her eyes met Lena’s again. 

“It’s because I trust you.” Lena continued, and Kara felt a strange pang in her chest. 

Lena couldn’t possibly have said anything more welcome in that moment, and Kara nodded her understanding. “Good.” She whispered, before clearing her throat to find her voice again. “Good, because I promise I won’t let anything happen to you.” 

Because it was her job. 

Lena had to remind herself of that, just as Kara had been reminding herself of things all night. 

It was Kara’s job to keep her safe. To make her feel at ease. 

A job. Perhaps a friendship. Nothing more. 

But when Kara carried their plates out her door with her as she left, the parting glance she’d left Lena with didn’t feel like a job. 

It had been a glance with a longing in it to match Lena’s. 

Perhaps it had just been loneliness, Lena thought to herself as she shut the door behind Kara and finally made her way towards a bath for the soak she’d been needing for far too long. Kara was just as wrapped up in this as she was. Just as tethered to it.

The loneliness, Lena could handle. She was used to that. 

But as she sank down into the blissfully hot bath she’d drawn for herself, she found herself wishing her heart would beat a little more normally. Because that was certainly new. And certainly _not_ something that she could unpack right now.


	5. State of the Union

The address went off without a hitch. 

Kara watched it all from the curtains that hid her just off the edge of the stage where Lena delivered each and every word perfectly. Confidently. 

And there wasn’t much she could do about the overwhelming feeling of pride that built within her until she almost couldn’t take it anymore. 

Thankfully, by the time Kara’s emotions were threatening to outweigh her better judgment - everything was over. But it wasn’t long until Kara was escorting Lena through the wings and towards the hallways that would take them back out of the chamber of the House towards more familiar territory. 

Lena had been quiet until now. Kara had no doubt she’d talked herself hoarse up there, and that the cup of tea she was already holding in one hand wasn’t even close to taking the edge off. 

So Kara walked her to her rooms in silence, because that’s what she thought Lena needed. 

The idea that she’d been wrong about that didn’t even occur to her until Lena hesitated in her open doorway and looked down at her tea. 

“Do you need anything for the night?” Kara asked with a little furrow between her brows. 

“Did I do alright?” Lena suddenly asked, lifting her eyes to level a beseeching gaze at Kara. 

And Kara suddenly felt...well. A little stupid. She should’ve said something. Anything. Lena hadn’t had anyone there. No family. No friends. All acquaintances. Nobody to congratulate her afterward. Nobody to be proud of her. Well...that wasn’t entirely true. 

“You did,” Kara responded, offering Lena a soft, apologetic smile. “I...I don’t think I’ve been this proud since Alex got her doctorate. I don’t know if that’s out of line, and if it is - I’m sorry. But you were just…” Kara sighed and shook her head as she lifted a hand to rest on the frame of Lena’s door. “I’m not very good at this.” 

“That was pretty good, actually.” Lena countered with a faintly amused smile playing at the corners of her lips. “But I’m sure I’ll notice a hundred mistakes tomorrow when I watch the playback.” 

“You didn’t make any,” Kara responded maybe a little too quickly, yet she didn’t shy away from Lena’s searching gaze this time. “You were…” 

Kara trailed off, then, and turned her head like she’d heard something. Something that Lena hadn’t heard. 

Before Lena could even blink, Kara had shouldered her into her room rather forcefully lowered her, one-handed, onto the floor on her back as she unholstered her sidearm. It was such a quick, fluid movement that Lena almost wondered how she’d accomplished it... 

She was just too busy trying to listen. Too busy being utterly terrified that Kara was currently standing between her and whatever danger she had perceived. Perhaps not for the reasons she should have been. Her fear had little to do with herself and her own safety and more to do with Kara’s. But she knew what she was supposed to do. She knew she was supposed to stay completely still right where she landed. 

It was just unfortunate that she’d landed in a way that only left her with a partial view of Kara’s back. 

“Agent! What the _hell_ do you think you’re doing?” 

Kara’s voice. Thank _God_, Kara’s voice. 

Lena might’ve collapsed from sheer relief if she hadn’t already been on the floor. 

Kara was a little busy, she gathered, so she managed to get herself up off the floor without any assistance. 

“I’m sorry, ma’am. I was only-”

“What?” Kara demanded as she holstered her gun and straightened her jacket with a sharp, audible snap. “Checking your clip? Yes. I know. I heard you. Mind telling me why you’re doing that on the President’s Wing instead of in the locker room where you’re supposed to? After not calling your location on the comm on top of that?” 

“I just...I...it’s habit. I apologize.” 

Lena took a single step out into the hallway, then, and realized just how young the man who was currently standing in the middle of the corridor was. That didn’t seem to matter much to Kara. 

“I’m not here to listen to your apologies. You’re lucky you’re alive right now. You’re relieved from your post for the evening, agent. Be in my office at shift change in the morning. Lack of experience is no excuse for stupidity. It’s too late in the game for that. Understood?” 

“Yes, ma’am.” 

The man excused himself quickly, and as soon as he was out of sight - Kara was turning to reach for Lena. “Did I hurt you? Are you okay? Lena, I know we didn’t practice that, but there are some situations-”

“Hey, I’m okay. I’m okay.” Lena reached for Kara’s hands to stop them worrying over her, and her gaze fell towards them. “Kara, you’re shaking…” 

Lena wasn’t sure why that came as such a shock to her. Perhaps because Kara had most definitely _not_ been shaking a moment ago when she was an image of protection - and then afterward when she was delivering one of the firmest dressings-down Lena had ever witnessed. 

“Yeah,” Kara whispered, flexing her hands and releasing a breath that trembled on its way out. “Yeah, I am. Don’t worry about me, just go try to unwind. I’ll take his post tonight.” 

“No.” Lena protested quietly, reaching to grip Kara’s upper arms gently through the sleeves of her jacket. “No, come inside and I’ll make you some tea. You can call someone else in.” 

“I don’t usually...I’m usually more…” Kara was stammering as she followed Lena inside. So much so that she didn’t see the hug coming until Lena’s arms were already buried beneath her jacket around her lower back. 

“I’m just glad you’re okay.” Lena’s voice was so soft. With just the slightest hint of rasp to it. Whether that was from emotion or the address, Kara couldn’t be sure. 

But she could wrap her arms around Lena in return and hold her just as tightly as she was being held, if not more. 

She could also let out a soft breath when Lena didn’t pull back quite enough to separate them. When Lena’s cheek brushed her own just before their foreheads came to rest together. 

“I’m glad you’re okay, too,” Kara responded - her voice barely a whisper as her hand slid higher up Lena’s back. 

There was so much heaviness settling over them in that moment. Between the tension and fear and relief and how close they were to each other, it was all almost too much to bear. 

Lena’s hands shifted towards Kara’s sides, and her inner wrist was met with the harsh, cold reality of the gun that was nestled there. She pulled her hands away like she’d been burned, and Kara stepped back just as quickly. 

“The tea,” Lena whispered, lifting her hands to run through her own hair as she turned away quickly. “I’ll put the tea on.” 

Kara could really only nod in response. She didn’t trust herself to say anything right then. Well. She didn’t trust herself to say anything intelligent right then, at least. Anything that wouldn’t turn this into something that it absolutely wasn’t. 

And just like that, the moment had passed. 

The moment passed and changed into something easier to deal with. For both of them. Something familiar. 

A shared pot of tea between them. Poured rather gracefully, all things considered, by Lena. 

“Is it too late for me to save the evening?” Kara asked after a long pause. 

The question jarred Lena out of her thoughts of how visually appealing the sight of Kara sans jacket with her sleeves rolled up her forearms rather handily. 

“How so?” She asked as she lifted her cup to her lips. 

“I was telling you how good your address was,” Kara responded simply. 

“Ah, yes. And that I made no mistakes. If you aren’t careful, I’m going to grow too healthy of an ego.” Lena responded with a quiet little chuckle. The tea felt exquisite on her throat, and it was doing a world of good for her nerves, too. 

“That wouldn’t be a bad thing.” Kara offered, leaning back in her chair as some of the tension she’d been fraught with finally began to fade. “I mean, your more public persona is all confidence and surety, and then I get you alone and...well. I think you could use a healthy dose of knowing you’re a very impressive woman.” 

“I never said I wasn’t impressive,” Lena argued easily, and the corner of her mouth quirked into an almost-smile as she spoke. “I just don’t like to make mistakes. I don’t like to give people a chance to find a crack. It’s gotten me this far.”

Kara could understand that. Rao, could she understand that. Until now, she hadn’t really considered how much they had in common. On the outside of things...not a whole lot. 

But the more layers they seemed to peel back, the more obvious it became. At least to Kara. 

“And I’m sure it’ll get you even farther. But you know, you don’t have to keep it up all the time. Like now. Like the way you were a few minutes ago. How you flipped some sort of switch and started worrying about me when I know you must have been scared out of your mind. Anybody would’ve been scared.” 

“I was scared for you,” Lena responded with a shrug. “I felt helpless. You were alone. I knew I wasn’t allowed to move or I might distract you. It wasn’t my favorite experience. I don’t think I’d ever forgive myself if something happened to you.” 

“Why?” Kara asked - and Lena would have scoffed if that question hadn’t sounded so utterly genuine. If there hadn’t been such a clear look of confused concern on Kara’s face. 

“Because I care about you,” Lena responded incredulously. As if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Because I’m surrounded by dozens and dozens of people every day of my life who only care about Madam President this and ma’am that and the only person I have in my life that wants to know who Lena is is you. Isn’t it a perfectly human, normal response to not want to lose that?” 

Kara couldn’t do much aside from blink in response to that. Blink and rest the sides of her thumbs on the edge of her teacup for a moment. A pretty weak time-buyer, really. And a pretty obvious one, judging by the way Lena was looking at her. 

“It is.” Kara finally acquiesced quietly. “But the other side of that page is that if I let something happen to you, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. Forgiveness would never even be on the table. I don’t know when it happened. I don’t know when it became more than just my job. Not that this is...your average job, I’ll admit. But I care about you, too. And in order to do what I do, I think it’s only natural that you would care about the person you’re assigned to protect more than you care about yourself.”

“But this is your first presidential assignment, not your first security detail. How easy is it to feel that way every single time?” Lena was leaning back in her own chair, now. Mirroring Kara. 

Kara’s eyes flashed up to meet Lena’s before they fell again rather quickly. “I can’t say that I ever have. The sense of duty? Always. But…” She shrugged when words failed her, as they often did. “I don’t tend to make friends, Lena. I didn’t realize just how much I meant it when I said I wanted to be yours. I didn’t realize what it would mean.” 

“We can take a step back.” Lena offered without hesitation, ignoring how much it pained her to even say those words. “I’m more than capable of keeping things professional if that would make things easier for you. If that would make you more comfortable. I don’t want you to feel obligated to do anything more than your job.” 

“I don’t.” Kara countered hurriedly, leaning forward into her seat in her earnestness. “I don’t feel obligated. That’s just it. This is the first time that I _haven’t_. This is the first time I’ve wanted to know more than I already do. More than your file. More than your records. I. I wanted to learn how to fence with you. I wanted to go on that trail ride with you. All the dinners and the talks - I wanted all of that. Even if they were about your work. About your meetings and speeches and proposals and even things I’m not smart enough to understand.”

“Don’t say that,” Lena said simply, ignoring - for a moment- all the rest of it. 

“I’m sorry.” Kara apologized immediately. But… “Wait...don't say what?”

“Don’t sell yourself short, Kara. Because you are _brilliant_. You are more insightful than anyone I have prattling on in my ear on a daily basis. You’re a smart, articulate woman whom I consider myself lucky to know. Whom I would like to know even better than I already do. But I would be lying if I were to say I didn’t feel relieved to know how you feel.”

Kara nodded softly, then. Feeling both thoroughly reproached and...way too many other things. Way, way too many other things. Things that had been easy to ignore until they had been placed into the situation they’d been placed in earlier but were now thoroughly in the forefront of her mind. 

There was something primal about it all, really. About caring for someone, and protecting them. Being responsible for their safety, as she was for Lena’s. And primal situations sometimes woke primal...feelings.

That’s what Kara told herself as Lena took another sip of her tea. That these thoughts about Lena and how it held felt to press her onto the floor and place herself between her and her would-be attacker were just an expected consequence of an unusual situation. 

“You’re quiet,” Lena remarked idly as she stood slowly with her teacup in one hand. She looked, for a moment, like she was going to reach out for Kara before she thought better of it. 

“Long day,” Kara responded with a weak smile, and Lena nodded. 

“Of course. We can move this conversation somewhere more comfortable if you’d like. Plenty of couches around.” 

A million excuses ran rampant through Kara’s mind before she stood and silently followed Lena across the room towards one of the aforementioned couches. She took the center seat next to Lena, surprising even herself when she did it. 

“What are you going to do about that agent you berated in the hallway?” Lena asked curiously as she leaned into the corner of the couch to better see Kara. 

“Reassign him,” Kara responded simply, without a moment’s hesitation. “But I am sorry you were present for that. I would normally have had the entirety of that conversation in my office. I was furious.” 

“I could tell,” Lena responded in a tone so quiet that Kara couldn’t help the worried look she cast in the other woman’s direction. Lena let out a breathy little sound that was almost a laugh, but not quite before she continued. 

“Kara, I don’t deign to tell you how to handle your own detail. I’m not some spring lamb. The way you’ve handled things thus far is one of the things that makes me feel as secure as I do. You drew your weapon prepared to kill someone tonight, if what you’ve told me about firearms still applies in that situation. I don’t think your reaction was unwarranted.” 

Kara let out a breath she hadn’t been aware she’d been holding. “Good. That’s good.” Kara responded. She seemed a little far-away for a moment, and Lena had come to learn that usually meant she was listening to the earpiece she was almost always wearing. 

That was, apparently, still the case this evening. 

“Your detail for the evening is here,” Kara said once her attention shifted back to Lena. “I should probably go.” 

Truth be told, Kara hadn’t slept in the two days leading up to Lena’s address - and after tonight, she was finally starting to feel it. 

“Are you okay?” She continued as Lena reached for the empty cup Kara was still holding. “From earlier, I mean. I’ll have to submit a report as soon as I leave here, and I can send someone to speak with you before that if you’d like.”

“I’m fine, Kara. Really. Having you here was exactly what I needed.” Lena cleared her throat then and excused herself from the couch to put their cups down and retrieve Kara’s jacket, which she helped Kara on with despite the protest Kara had tried to get out beforehand. 

It had been nice. 

It’d felt nice to fix the lapels and straighten the sleeves for her before they said their goodbyes for the evening. 

Well. The goodbyes hadn’t felt nice. 

They’d felt oddly heavy and rehearsed. They’d felt like something they were _supposed_ to say instead of something they _wanted_ to say. 

Or maybe it had been Kara’s imagination.

And maybe Lena was wondering that same thing as she tried to come to terms with everything that had happened that evening. 

No. No, it hadn’t been her imagination. 

It had been everything in her screaming for her to tell Kara that the last thing she wanted was to let her leave. 

It had been everything in her telling her that Kara could never stay.


	6. A Beautiful Mess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note the rating change <3. Tags updated.

It was amazing, really, what a few weeks could do. 

Amazing what that one night had done to bring Kara closer to Lena. 

Was she more protective than ever? Well. Yes. 

Did Lena mind?

...No. 

No, Lena didn’t mind sharing most of her private meals with Kara. Nor did she mind always knowing she was there somewhere. Watching. 

Until she’d been put in a situation that might have presented a real danger, Lena had sometimes thought Kara a little over-concerned. She’d worried Kara put herself under undue stress. 

But now? Now, Lena was just thankful. 

And all these things were flooding her mind as she washed her hands carefully so as not to splash her dress while the sounds of the gala outside filtered through the shut and locked door across the room. 

“Do you hate these things as much as I do?” Lena asked as Kara held a paper towel out to her. 

“As much if not more. There’s so much noise it’s hard to hear what I need to hear.” Kara responded quietly as Lena tried and failed to catch her gaze through the glasses she was wearing. 

Those damn glasses. That damn suit. All of it. 

Lena swallowed thickly as she finished drying her hands and handed the damp towel back to Kara. 

“But you look wonderful.” Kara continued just as softly. “And I’ll make sure you have a real drink tonight when we get you home safe.” 

Lena nodded faintly. “Just a few more hours.” She said more to herself than to Kara as the agent tossed the towel into the nearest bin. 

“Soon.” Kara agreed, biting her lower lip for a moment before she sighed quietly. “I’m sorry if I overstepped just now. I probably shouldn’t have said that.” 

“About the drink?” Lena asked, clearly amused. “If you think for a minute that I’ll turn down a stiff beverage when all this is said and done, you’re wrong.” 

Lena could tell by Kara’s silence and by the unreadable expression on her face that that wasn’t at all what she’d been apologizing for. She wondered if Kara could see the faint flush beneath her foundation through the tint of her glasses. 

“I...no. No, you didn’t overstep. And I like this suit.” Lena reached out rather brazenly towards Kara’s lapel and touched over the identifier pin that was fastened there. The pin that identified Kara as part of Lena’s closest inner circle. “Did you have it tailored for the gala?” 

Kara exhaled softly through her nose as Lena’s knuckles brushed against her chest as a result of the way she was feeling the material. 

_Maybe I had it tailored for you._

“I did. We all tend to try and look our best for these things.” 

“You do,” Lena responded, fixing the lapel she’d shifted off-kilter and glancing down at Kara’s nearest hand before she pulled her own away. “Look your best, I mean.” 

Neither of them moved. Neither of them did what they should have been doing right now, which was going back through that door to face their individual realities for the duration of the evening. But Lena wasn’t in the mood right this instant to continue pretending to be charmed.

And Kara, well...Kara just couldn’t have moved if she wanted to. Especially not when Lena took a step closer. 

“How long have we known each other now, Kara?” 

“A little over a year.” Kara hadn’t meant to whisper.

She hadn’t meant to. 

“Mm.” Lena’s hand grazed Kara’s on its way back down, and the touch, no matter how accidental or intentional it had been, burned like fire however briefly. “I’ve seen a year’s worth of suits and this one is still my favorite.” 

Kara’s finger shifted just enough to catch one of Lena’s before their hands parted. 

“Thank you,” Kara said - her voice barely above a murmur. “I like your dress.” 

Everything in Kara’s head was screaming at her that this wasn’t an appropriate conversation. That nothing about this was appropriate. But Lena was so close to her. And she was so beautiful. 

It was at that moment that Kara’s head turned in the direction of the side her earpiece was always worn on, and Lena took a near-immediate step back. 

“I have to go,” Kara said after remaining silent for a moment. “They need me at coat-check.” 

“Of course, I...Of course.” Lena was nearly stammering as she took a step back and fixed her dress that needed absolutely no fixing. 

“Tonight?” Kara asked as she went for the door to unlock it. “I promised I would make sure you have a drink.” 

“Tonight.” Lena agreed with her best effort at a smile. 

And then Kara was escorting her back to the relative safety of the ballroom before she was gone. 

Lena got no more than a glimpse of her for the rest of the night. She was far too busy rubbing elbows with dignitaries and fellow politicians to seek out a nondescript suit in a sea of suits. Even if Kara’s suit, specifically, was her favorite. 

But Kara had seen her. She’d seen every single searching glance that she knew had been for her. She’d seen every perfectly feigned smile. She’d heard every too-perfect laugh. 

Lena was like a drug. 

Lena had always been like a drug, in some ways. She was just a different kind, now. The kind that threatened to drown out everything around it and swallow Kara whole. 

The kind that was breathtaking in a green ballgown. One that made Kara wish she could show Lena that she could dance with her across the stunning hardwood parquet floors. Because it was a dress that deserved to sweep along its polished surface. And Lena was a woman who deserved to dance with someone who could make her look good.

And Kara was so sure she could. Almost as sure as she was that she shouldn’t be having any of these thoughts at all. 

But she kept her promise.

She was at Lena’s doors for her post that night. Waiting to hold one of them open for her, even. And the glasses were gone. Replaced instead by a soft, sympathetic smile. 

“Scotch neat?” Kara asked as she moved across the room to the beverage cart while Lena finally tugged her heels from her aching feet. 

“That sounds better than sex,” Lena responded with a groan as she melted into the nearest chair still wearing her gown. Kara was, thankfully, too busy pouring some of the amber-colored liquid Lena favored into a glass for Lena to see her blush. 

She’d recovered by the time she was walking towards Lena with the drink in her hand, and Lena offered her a tired, grateful smile when she took it from her. “Thank you, darling.” 

Kara tilted her head in response to that, and Lena glanced up at her. “An old habit.” She said dismissively. 

Kara stood there with one of her legs against the arm of Lena’s chair for a moment with one of her hands resting above her hip against what Lena knew to be her sidearm beneath her jacket. “It’s alright. I liked it.” 

Lena lowered her glass from her lips to her lap and held it there, cradling it thoughtfully in her hands. “Kara?” 

“Mm?”

“What was that, earlier? In the bathroom?” 

They weren’t looking at each other. They were looking anywhere else but. 

“I don’t know,” Kara admitted in a tone that suggested she didn’t want anyone but Lena to hear her - as though that were even possible. 

Lena’s eyes lifted, then. And Kara was trapped in the coolness of their color. Trapped in Lena’s untranslatable expression. 

“You…” Kara trailed off. She looked to be struggling.

She was. 

“I shouldn’t have...when I...this isn’t…” 

Lena reached over towards that leg that had been pressed against the arm of her chair and brushed against it soothingly with the backs of her knuckles. Felt, for the first time, just how hard the muscle of her thigh was. 

And it took everything Kara had in her not to shudder. 

“It’s okay,” Lena whispered, moving her hand then to reach for Kara’s so she could give it a gentle squeeze. One that was returned. “It’s okay.” 

Kara’s hands were softer than Lena had expected. Warmer. 

And when Kara turned her hand so that her palm was faced towards Lena and her fingers were splayed gently, Lena’s brows furrowed as she finally twined their fingers together tightly. 

Fuck. 

Fuck, what was this? 

Fuck, why did it feel so good? 

“I should let you get changed,” Kara whispered, her voice trembling on its way past her suddenly, painfully dry lips. “You’ve been in that dress all night.” 

Lena withdrew her hand as slowly as Kara did, and she nodded as she took another, deeper sip from her glass. 

“I’ll be just outside.” Kara continued. 

“I know,” Lena responded simply. Softly, as she tried to keep her breathing even. 

Kara’s attention was focused acutely on every noise beyond that door after that. She only offered a token greeting to the agent that joined her for night watch. 

She shouldn’t have been doing this. 

It was wrong. 

Lena deserved better than this. 

But there was very little Kara could do about her hearing. Especially when Lena was very obviously getting herself off within the space of a few easy, yet impossible steps away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lena was still half-damp from her shower. A shower that hadn’t done anything for the throbbing ache between her legs.

She was already wet again by the time she made it to her bed. 

Her thoughts were already ablaze with the memory of Kara’s hips a few inches from her face. Burning like wildfire over the thought of those soft, hot hands and how devastatingly strong they were. 

God, the things she knew Kara could do for her. The things she _wanted_ Kara to do for her. All those things were at the forefront of her mind as her hand slipped beneath the sheets and beneath the silk of her panties. She could feel that they were already ruined. 

But at least relief soon followed, as she turned over onto her stomach and pressed her face onto her pillow while she worked her fingertips against her clit. 

Her breathing was heavy and frantic. Her thighs were trembling as they held her hips just far enough off the bed for her to get herself where she needed to be, and her free hand was gripping desperately at the pillow she was gasping against harshly. 

There was little she could do about her thoughts steering her into imagining it was Kara’s hand between her thighs instead of her own. Besides, it was getting her there quicker. 

The sound that came from her when she spilled over the edge was something like a mix between a moan and a sob. Breathless. Desperate. It wasn’t nearly enough. But it would have to do. 

And between the scotch and the much-needed orgasm, she wasn’t awake much longer to worry about it, anyway.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I need a moment,” Kara said tersely to the agent standing on the other side of their post, and he nodded - unaware - as she stepped away quickly and beelined to the nearest bathroom.

A minute later, Kara was hunched over the sink with cold water dripping from her flushed face as her hands gripped the marble countertop so strongly she had to stop herself when she heard it begin to crack. 

She reached for the handkerchief in the breast pocket of her jacket and pressed her face into it as her back hit the nearest wall and she exhaled hard. 

“Shit.” She whispered sharply to herself as her head thudded against the wall and she stared up at the ceiling. “Shit, shit, shit.” 

Little did she know when she’d put her suit on that afternoon that this was going to be the longest night of her life. Because god, was she suffering after she returned to stand outside those doors until shift-change.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Kara!” Lena called out as each breath she was taking burned on its way into her lungs. “Kara, fuck!”

Kara turned around quickly, her feet still pouncing against the paved running trail that wove through the gardens behind the Whitehouse. Her eyes widened when she realized Lena was doubled over with her hands on her knees just trying to breathe. 

She jogged over and reached out to place a hand on Lena’s back worriedly. “Lena? Are you okay?” 

“I’m...fine.” She husked as she slowly stood back up with her hands behind her own back so she could stretch herself out. “I’m just not anywhere near in the shape that you’re in. I didn’t know we were racing.” 

“I didn’t even think, Lena,” Kara responded with a soft frown as she removed her hand and walked with Lena towards a nearby bench. “I’m sorry.” 

“It’s fine.” Lena dismissed as she plopped down and took a few hefty sips from her water bottle. At least that helped a little. She was still bent over with her elbows on her knees. “You’ve been really...you’ve been acting strangely the past few days. I think we should discuss that.” 

Kara stared down at her own shoes with her hands clasped tightly and her jaw clenched in response. “I don’t think I’ve been strange.” 

“You know that you have. I see you every day of my life, and I would know. It’s like your head is somewhere else. Is there something going on? Some sort of threat everyone is trying to keep from me? Because I need to know, if so. I deserve to know.”

“It’s nothing like that,” Kara responded quickly, feeling guilt flood her at the idea that Lena had been worrying over her own safety because of her. “I wish you would’ve told me you were worried about it sooner.” 

Lena was quiet for a while. She felt both chastized and agitated all at once. The cheerfulness of the birds flitting through the trees around them wasn’t helping. 

“Then...is this about what happened the other night?” She finally asked - her voice sounding quiet and resigned in an almost sad way. “I know things got a little tense between us. It was my fault, and I apologize.” 

“It was nobody’s fault,” Kara responded adamantly even as her thoughts were plagued by the reminder of what Lena sounded like when she… “I...neither of us are in a position to...well. Intimacy is something people need. And neither of us really have that right now. So, no. I don’t think it was anyone’s fault.” 

“Then why have you been acting the way you’ve been acting?” Lena asked simply, storing everything else Kara had said in the ‘yeah I know but I absolutely refuse to acknowledge it’ sector of her already over-stuffed mind. 

“Guilt,” Kara said, turning her head so that she was almost looking at Lena. But not quite. 

“Kara…” Lena admonished with a tilt of her head and a furrow of her sharp brows. “What could you possibly have to feel guilty for? You’ve been so kind. You’ve been my _only_ friend for so long. There’s nothing-”

“I heard you, Lena.” Kara cut her off and swallowed thickly as she reached to tighten the tie that was holding her hair back more out of nervousness than anything. “I heard you that night, and...and now I can’t stop thinking about it.”

As shocked as Lena was, she couldn’t help the flood of sympathy that was currently threatening to overwhelm her. Kara looked truly agonized, and it was a terrible thing to witness. 

“How did you hear me?”

No response. 

“Some government secret, I suppose…” Lena mumbled with a weak attempt at a smile. “Only you?”

“Only me,” Kara reassured her quickly - taken aback at her own visceral reaction to the thought of any of the other agents doing...exactly the same thing she’d done. She was suddenly so thankful none of them were like her. “I don’t want you to think that you can’t...do things like that. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable around me But everything is safe with me. With all the agents. Your presidency has, thus far, been comparatively tame to most others. Especially the more private aspects of your life. Still, I would understand if you wanted me to change my post exclusively to events and days. ” 

“I don’t want that,” Lena whispered so fiercely that Kara looked at her in shock. “I don’t know what the hell I want, Kara, but the _last_ thing I want is to have you further away from me.”

“Then things will stay how they are.” Kara offered with a faint shrug. 

If they hadn’t been within eyesight of about a dozen other staff and agents right then, Lena would have reached for Kara’s hand. 

“And how are they?” She asked instead, hoping the concern she was feeling translated through her tone since there was little else she could do. 

“A mess,” Kara responded with a weak laugh and a sputtering exhale. 

Lena had never seen someone look so beautiful in a sweatsuit. But there was something about the way the sun was dancing through the gold in Kara’s hair that brightened the blue in her eyes in that moment that was almost otherworldly. 

Yeah. 

This was a mess, alright. 

“I think I’m done with running for the morning,” Lena said, and Kara nodded. 

“I understand.” She responded, trying her best not to sound too dejected. 

“But I could go for some breakfast if you’re free.” 

The smile on Kara’s face following that offer was worth it. The running. The worry over the past few days. The mess. 

“I’m always free for you. I kind of have to be, y’know. But...I’d really like that.” 

Yeah. 

What a beautiful mess.


	7. Nothing

“You're in tip-top shape for your first vacation. I know you’re ready for it, or at least you will be after the dinner next week.” Alex announced with a smile as she shut Lena’s metal file and latched it before sitting it aside. “How is everything else going? I can't seem to get anything out of Kara, but then - she's kind of always been that way. At least since she became an agent.”

“I am _extremely_ ready for my first vacation, thank you. And things are going well. Really. It's wonderful having her around. We've grown quite close, actually.” Lena said as she regarded Alex passively for a moment with a furrow between her brows. “I actually...if it's not imposing, I actually have a few questions for you. About your sister, I mean. Maybe about agents, in general.”

“Shoot. Though, I'm not sure I know more than Kara. She's probably the expert on the subject.” 

“I highly doubt she would answer me, or appreciate the line of questioning.” Lena responded, sounding rather nonplussed by the fact. 

She could tell by the way Alex chuckled that she was probably right.

“Okay, then. Ask away.” 

“Alright, I think my main concern is the fact that she doesn't ever wear a vest. I don't want to nag her about it, but...why? I guess what I'm saying is, I need to know the best way to approach her about it. She gets terribly defensive with anything even remotely regarding my safety.”

Alex’s expression sobered immediately in a way that Lena didn't like. At all. She'd never really seen the doctor fiddle nervously before, but she certainly was paying rather close attention to uncapping and re-capping her pen.

“Alex…?”

“I take it you haven't noticed that none of your other personal guards wear vests?” Alex finally responded with a rather uncomfortable looking expression on her face. “I'm sure you haven't since Kara is your lead, but...they don't.”

Lena was clearly a rather extreme mixture of confused and concerned. “Why?”

Alex shook her head and thought for a moment. This was something she'd struggled with mentally, herself. Except only one of them had the knowledge that a run of the mill bullet wouldn't do Kara any real damage. 

Alex found herself wishing she'd never opened herself up to this line of questioning.

“Lena, I really think it's best if we change the subject if I'm being entirely honest. This isn't really something you should be adding to your already ridiculously high levels of stress.”

“I'm significantly more stressed right now than I will be once you've answered me, I'm sure.” Lena’s tone was dry and unamused.

Alex drew in a steadying breath and shrugged. “They don't wear vests because they need to be able to move to you quickly.”

“That seems like a half-answer. I'm certain there are vests that wouldn't drastically hamper their maneuverability.”

“It's to reduce the chance of ricocheting,” Alex said suddenly - her tone rushed and slightly off-sounding. “It's so that once a bullet hits an agent, it stays there, and doesn't hit you.” 

Lena was quiet. She'd turned her eyes away from Alex to focus on the door of her office, instead. “I see.” 

Alex wanted to tell her. Desperately. She wanted to tell Lena that Kara was in very little real danger, even if the agents working under her were. But she didn't. She couldn't. 

“Please don't dwell on it, Lena. The odds of something happening are incredibly low. My sister is good at what she does, and what she does is keeping you as far from harm as possible. That means she’s as far from the harm as you are.” 

Lena appreciated the logic. She showed that appreciation with a rather weak attempt at a smile. 

But she wasn’t naive. 

She knew that all that meant was that Kara was _between_ her and the danger. 

And that thought, coupled with this new information, was getting harder to bear the longer this went on. 

Perhaps ‘the more complicated this got’ might have been a more apt description.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The White House Correspondents’ Dinner was always a rather major event.

Under Lena’s presidency, it turned out to be mind-boggling. The list of A-list guests was a mile long. Everyone wanted to see this woman. To be near this woman to hear her speak. 

Kara knew that feeling well.

But this dinner had turned out to be an astronomical pain in her backside. The sheer level of security coordination it had required was exhausting, even to someone who rarely, if ever, felt tired.

But Lena in that gown. 

So different from the emerald one Kara had seen before.

Lena Luthor was devastating in a black dress.

Maddeningly distracting.

And she'd been glancing in Kara’s direction all night. Appreciating yet another tailored suit. Appreciating the fact that Kara wasn't wearing glasses this evening because it meant she could see that Kara was looking right back at her.

It was amazing how Lena could keep those around her enthralled and entertained while sending a smoldering gaze in Kara’s direction halfway across the room.

But Kara wasn't innocent tonight, either. No, Kara’s hands usually didn't rest on the buckle of her belt like that. They were usually clasped in front of her waist. And Lena knew enough about the agent’s signals to know that this wasn't one of them. Not to the other agents, anyway.

Perhaps just to her. 

It was easy for Lena to talk through the flush in her chest. She was drinking wine after all, and her skin was so fair. It was only natural for it to have a little blush to it. 

The celebrities and upper-echelon members of the press in the room didn't have to know that Kara had burned that heat into her skin with her eyes over the course of just a few looks. 

They didn't have to know that Lena was having thoughts. Dangerous, terrible thoughts. Like how much she wanted to drop to her knees in front of those strong thighs and replace Kara’s hands on that belt buckle with her own. They didn't have to know that Lena wanted nothing more than to be utterly defiled by the power and control Kara exuded. 

And Kara’s agents didn't need to know that Kara wanted exactly that. 

It was strange, how their roles were so different - yet so alluring to each other.

Kara loved watching Lena’s eloquent verbal sparring matches against other sharp, sophisticated minds. 

Lena loved watching Kara stand at attention in response to her presence. Lena loved knowing that the slight curve of Kara’s right arm was meant to hide the gun nestled against her side. Lena loved knowing all the terrible things Kara could do, were it required of her. Maybe 'loved' wasn't the correct phrase. Maybe...maybe she was just turned on by the danger of it all. By the fierceness she knew lay just beneath Kara's placid surface. 

Because it spoke to a darkness that was present in both of them. A dark desire for hard and fast and secret things on Lena’s part, and a wall of strength and supposed honor just waiting to crumble at Lena’s word on Kara’s. 

It was so bad. It had all gotten so bad. 

Just to be in this room was to ache. To want, uncontrollably. 

As Kara stood in silence, it was easy to remember the sound of her name on Lena’s breathless lips over the din of the crowded room.

It was easy to remember because she'd heard it again. Even after that first night. And it had sounded so intentional. So wanton. 

Kara was tired of hearing her name through walls.

And Lena was tired of denying herself. Of denying them both.

And maybe that's why she'd chosen this dress tonight. The one that exposed more of her porcelain skin and the occasional freckle that dotted it. The one that showed the elegant line of her shoulders and the blades of them and the very beginning of what Kara could only assume was an exquisite back. 

The dinner couldn’t end fast enough for either of them.

Yet, they were strangely quiet as Kara escorted her back to the room. 

Strangely quiet aside from the sound of Kara making a very slight change to the staggering of the watch-shift on Lena’s doors. 

Yet, there was something deafening in the silence as Kara opened the door for Lena and their eyes met. 

There was something deafening in Lena’s gaze, and in the fact that she stood outside so that Kara would walk in before her. 

In fact, Lena wasn’t entirely sure she’d experienced this much quiet since the beginning of her presidency. Aside from her own shuddering exhale when Kara shut the door behind them both. 

And then Kara was standing in front of her. Reaching up to trace her fingertips along the top of her dress. 

Lena was starving for the warmth of those fingertips against her skin instead, but it never came. Not yet, anyway. 

“You’ve been looking at me all night.” Kara finally whispered as Lena’s lips parted - for what, neither of them was sure. 

“You would only know that if you had been looking back.” Lena countered just as quietly. 

Kara swallowed thickly as she took a step closer. “I’m always looking at you.” 

“I know.” Lena breathed as she finally reached for Kara’s hand with her own and brought it to her face. She pressed into it and breathed deeply against the warmth and noticed that it was trembling, but made no comment. She couldn’t. Not when Kara’s thumb was stroking its way slowly across her lips. Not when it was pulling her lower lip down gently and then releasing it. 

Kara’s head was tilted down at an angle that allowed Lena to feel her breath against her cheek when she spoke. 

“Tell me what you want, Lena. Or tell me to leave and we never have to talk about this again if that’s what you want.” 

“Treat me like I’m nothing,” Lena said suddenly, gripping Kara’s wrist hard and stepping close enough that they were finally pressed together. “Please.” 

“You aren’t 'nothing', Lena, you’re-”

“Just let me be nothing for a while.” Lena continued as she pressed her face against Kara’s chest and then slowly lifted it so that her lips dragged against the front of Kara’s throat. “Fuck me like I’m not the President.”

There it was. Everything that had been building into an undeniable, unforgiving, all-consuming fire between them. And it had snapped so suddenly. It had taken so little for their resolve to crumble.

The perfect dress.

The perfect suit. 

That's all it had really taken for Kara to grip Lena’s upper arm and step her backwards towards the nearest wall.

That's all it took for Kara to turn her around so she was facing it. Pressed _into_ it by the solid strength of Kara’s body so that she had no choice but to turn her head and let her cheek rest against the wallpaper. 

Just in time for her to hear Kara’s shuddering breath against her ear as the warmth of the agent’s fingertips slid down her spine to the zipper of her dress and caught it, dragging it down the rest of her back slowly. 

“I need you to be quiet.” Kara breathed. “Quiet like you are when you say my name almost every night knowing I'm the only one that can hear you. If you can do that for me, I can do this for you.” 

“I can do that.” Lena whispered breathlessly as her dress began to slide down her body towards the floor and she felt a meticulously polished dress shoe nudging at the inside of one of her ankles. 

“Then spread your legs.” Kara responded in a low, warm tone as though Lena wasn’t already doing just that.

There was something so filthy about being pinned the way she was with her dress and her panties around her knees. Something so exquisitely carnal. 

But it was nothing compared to the feeling of Kara pulling one of her hands behind her back and arching her hips into her ass in a slow, firm motion. 

“Say it again.” Kara urged breathlessly against the nape of Lena’s neck as her free hand skirted around the other woman’s hip and down along the front of her thigh. “Tell me what you want me to do to you.”

“Fuck me.” Lena hissed as she pushed her ass back into Kara’s hips incessantly, enjoying the feeling of the polished metal of Kara’s belt buckle digging into her while she did it. “Just fuck me.” 

Kara didn't waste much time, because there wasn't much time to waste. She just tugged Lena’s hips towards herself and pressed her hand between her legs to find her inner thighs slick, and her center even slicker. She pressed the full lengths of two of her fingers into her - into the tight, wet, velvety heat that was aching to be filled.

Lena’s entire body shuddered as she clenched her jaw to muffle a groan she couldn't quite hold back.

Kara’s eyes were focused on her so intently she felt like she might burn up in that gaze. Even only being able to catch it from the corner of her eye it was almost too much. She couldn't remember anyone ever having looked at her like that. She couldn't remember ever having felt so wanted as she felt right now, with Kara’s fingers sliding in and out of her hard and deep. Stretching and stinging until she finally accommodated them only to find the first two joined by a third. 

Her jaw only clenched tighter as her breaths came in rapid puffs through her flared nostrils when Kara let her arm go and her hand flew up to the wall next to Lena’s head in order to brace herself as her arm worked just as hard and just as fast as Lena had long imagined it would.

She had no way of knowing just how much more Kara could give under any other circumstances, but that didn't matter right now. This was enough.

“Touch yourself.”

More than enough.

“Touch yourself like you do at night in that bed over there when you're making a mess of your sheets because you can't make a mess of me instead.”

Lena almost didn't need to. She'd almost come right then and there.

But she felt compelled. So she reached between her legs and spent the first moment or two sliding her fingers down along either side of Kara’s to feel the slickness of them as they thrust into her rapidly. 

“Your clit, Lena.” Kara corrected her in a rather hoarse whisper against her burning cheek. “Touch your clit for me.”

Lena could feel the heat of Kara’s breath against her face. The softness of her lips as they brushed her reddened skin. 

She slid her fingers back up, and her knees nearly gave out after only a stroke or two against her throbbing, aching clit. But Kara caught her - moving her hand from the wall to Lena’s stomach so quickly that Lena almost hadn't seen the movement. 

Between Kara and the wall, both equally as steady, Lena managed to remain upright as she came with a series of rasping, shuddering breaths and a barely audible whimper of Kara’s name. 

It sounded so different like this. 

The tone had Kara lingering against Lena’s back. Trailing the bridge of her nose across Lena’s shoulder and running the side of her thumb across her navel as she kept supporting her until she could support herself.

Until she was turning as best she could with her legs tangled in her dress and her heels hampering her movements. Until she was reaching desperately for the buckle of Kara’s belt only for Kara to quickly grab her hands.

But she was gentle as she held them. And even gentler as she pressed a soft, lingering kiss against Lena’s temple.

“I have to leave this room looking exactly the way I did when I came in.” Kara murmured, knowing there was nothing to be done about the ache between her own legs. 

But she leaned down to help Lena step out of her dress, and she removed her heels carefully and placed them aside before standing upright again.

There was so much longing in Lena’s eyes as she slid her hands beneath Kara’s jacket. Beneath the leather shoulder holster that crisscrossed her back over her dress shirt. 

But that longing was muddled with countless other unspoken words.

And it was a look she saw mirrored back at her in Kara’s gaze. In soft blue eyes darkened by the furrow of her brow. 

“You aren't nothing.” Kara whispered as Lena pressed her fingertips into Kara’s back. 

Lena swallowed thickly past the unavoidable discomfort gathering in the back of her throat. She didn't trust herself to speak, so she reached for her Kara’s hand and did her best to wipe it clean with her own as she dropped her eyes so she wouldn't have to see Kara’s anymore. 

This hadn't helped.

In the moment? It had been wonderful. Everything she'd been needing for months, now.

But not anymore.

Now, she just wanted to know what Kara’s lips would feel like against her own. She wanted to know every inch of skin beneath that suit. She wanted to know what it looked like in the morning sun that always filtered in through her windows to wake her before her alarm.

“Lena?”

Lena’s eyes shot up again. She'd almost forgotten Kara had even spoken. But that didn't change the fact that she didn't know how to respond.

“I'm sorry if that wasn't what you were expecting.” She finally said - her voice quiet and smaller than Kara had ever heard it. “I'm sorry if I wasn't what you were expecting.” 

“I wasn't expecting anything.” Kara countered quickly. Easily. “And if I had all night, that's how long I'd spend giving you whatever it is that you need.”

Lena felt at least some measure of comfort soothe the anxiety that had suddenly darkened her thoughts, and she nodded as she quickly fixed the slightly crooked pin on Kara’s lapel. She was otherwise perfect. Not a hair out of place. Not out of breath. Not even the faintest hint of sweat.

“But we don't have all night.” Lena finished for her, finally pulling away and leaning to retrieve her rather incriminating-looking pile of clothing. 

Kara watched quietly. Those lines were back between her brows. 

“Did it help?” Kara finally asked, looking almost forlorn. Nothing like the monument of a person she usually was outside of this moment.

“Yes.” Lena lied quietly with a soft smile. “I have a breakfast meeting in the morning.”

“7:30.” Kara replied as she finally took a single backward step towards the nearby door. “I'll be there.”

Lena managed to keep up that brave face as she nodded and watched Kara slip away just in time for the next shift of agents to round the corner at the end of the long corridor of the wing that led to the President’s Suite. 

And then she was alone with all her thoughts. With all her questions.

And God, this was worse.

This was immeasurably worse.

She'd wondered what Kara would be like, and now she knew. Now she knew Kara wanted nothing more than to please her and nothing in return.

She almost found herself wishing that it had turned out to be anything other than that. A curiosity to be sated quickly and easily. A fantasy to be put to rest.

But this wasn't a fantasy anymore. 

And she wanted Kara now more than she could have ever prepared herself for.


	8. If

Kara didn’t sleep much to begin with, but she definitely didn’t get any sleep last night. 

And there was no excuse to wear sunglasses in the oval office during a breakfast meeting. 

Two very unfortunate, yet unavoidable truths that she was currently dealing with as she listened to Lena’s surprisingly sharp tone. 

“And you think I care about that particular approval rating?” 

“Ma’am-”

“As though their party has done anything since the beginning of my presidency aside from make my life a constant living hell and make it nearly impossible to accomplish even half of what I know I could?” 

“Ma’am, trust me, we understand but-”

“No.” Lena responded adamantly. “No, I really don’t think you do. I _won’t_ compromise on this. I refuse. If I give an inch on it, they’ll take a mile.” 

“You’re acting as though aliens are your political base when they _aren’t_, Madam President. You’re acting as though there are enough of them out there that it’s worth compromising the entirety of the bill.” 

“I’m not going to allow a bill to pass that’s attempting to slip a mass alien identification registry right under the noses of the American people and that’s that. It doesn’t _matter_ that I personally support every other policy it contains. I don’t support that one. Anyone with any sort of moral compass whatsoever wouldn’t support that one.” 

The aide swallowed thickly and averted his gaze rather quickly. “It’s my job to have these conversations with you, Ma’am.”

“And it’s my job to protect this country from whatever I’m able to protect it from.” 

He took in a slow, steadying breath and finally looked back in Lena’s direction. “Yes, ma’am. And we have reason to believe alien presence here is something this country might need to be protected from. Not right now. Maybe not ever. But if we have this in place…” 

“Bigotry.” Lena responded - her voice much lower than it had been. “Closed-mindedness.” She leaned forward over the table - ignoring her untouched breakfast and passing the report she’d been handed back to the man sitting across from her. “Those are far more real threats than the ones perceived in this report. Our conversation has made that all too apparent. This bill does not have my support and that’s final.” 

Strange, how the aide looked almost relieved. He was just a messenger, after all. Lena would take her official stance later, of course. And she would likely do so publicly. In his opinion, she was making the right call. But everyone needed a devil’s advocate from time to time. Even the president. 

Even still, when he left - Lena was visibly agitated as she remained sitting in front of her rather cold eggs benedict. She could feel Kara’s eyes on her, and she turned slowly in response to find the other woman’s eyes darting away from her quickly. 

“What?” She asked as she stood and ran her hands through her hair. She hadn’t realized just how sharply that was going to come out, and she regretted it instantly. Kara seemed at least outwardly unphased. 

“Nothing.” Kara’s response was quiet in a way that only made Lena feel worse. 

“I think I need a few moments to gather my thoughts.” Lena said as she slumped forward against her desk with her hands on the edge of it. 

Kara’s expression faltered for the first time then, and she slowly made her way past the other woman. She paused for just a moment. Long enough that Lena turned her head to look at her. 

“I’m sorry.” Lena whispered, reaching out almost hesitantly towards Kara, who stood absolutely still in response. 

Lena’s hand faltered and fell, and Kara blinked her way out of the spell of the moment before making her way over to the doors of the office.

“Do you have a shift on my wing tonight?” Lena asked when she heard the knob of the doors turn - but just before the tell-tale ‘click’ of them actually opening. 

“Do you need me to have a shift on your wing tonight?” Kara asked simply, turning only just enough to look at Lena over her own shoulder. 

Lena wasn’t facing the desk anymore. And the expression on her face was less lust or allure than it was...shame? Embarrassment? Kara couldn’t tell. She couldn’t tell much of anything past the way it hurt. 

“I’ll knock twice.” Kara offered quietly. 

Lena nodded. 

“Around midnight. Shift change.” 

Lena nodded again, but this time she lifted her eyes to meet Kara’s. She mulled over her unanswered apology. Lingered over it as she tried to decipher the expression on Kara’s face. 

But Kara was gone before she could. 

So she was left to stew in her own thoughts for the rest of the day. Which was fine. It was normal. Expected. Even the solitary lunch she chose to have was somewhat needed. Yet, every time she told herself she was going to hammer her thoughts into something rational, all she could think about was Kara. 

About the non-reaction to both her snapping at her, and the apology that ensued. And about the previous night. About the way Kara had felt pressed up behind her - all strength and warmth and…

Lena swallowed thickly as she placed her fork down and cleared her throat. 

She decided she wouldn’t be finishing her salad that day. She had other things to work on, anyway. Things that might take up more of her mental capacity. Enough, at least, to keep her mind off Kara. 

It worked. A little. She wasn’t in quite the state she’d expected to be by the time she was finally freshly bathed and lounging in her bed with a tablet in her lap. At least until two knocks came at her door and she was looking over at it trying to make her heart stop pounding. 

Only two knocks. Even when she lingered in bed for a moment, no more came after. 

She placed her tablet aside slowly after dimming the screen, and her eyes never left the door as she approached it and opened it just enough for Kara to sleep inside. And then Kara was standing in front of her, one of her hands covering Lena’s on the knob of the door. 

“Did you still want me to come tonight?” Kara asked in a voice just above a whisper. 

“Yes of course, I...I wanted to apologize for the way that I spoke to you earlier.” Lena glanced at Kara’s hand on her own, and Kara seemed to notice just in time to move it away. 

“You don’t need to apologize to me.” Kara responded without hesitating. “You’re one of the most level-headed people I’ve ever met. I’d be more worried if you didn’t snap a little now and then.” 

Lena offered a little half-smile in return and nodded. “Okay. Alright.” A noise left her then. A quiet huff of breath. She’d reached out for the lapel of Kara’s suit and thought better of it, and Kara watched as Lena’s hand moved into her own hair, instead. 

“Lena, I…” Kara cleared her throat when she felt more than heard her own voice catch. “I can go, you know.”

“I would rather you didn’t.” Lena said a little too quickly. “I mean I understand. I would understand if you did. If I made it seem like I’m requiring you to be here, or...fuck. Fuck, I’m…” 

“I know, Lena.” Kara offered quietly, stepping a little closer and hesitating for a moment before she wrapped her arms carefully around the other woman. 

Lena leaned into the embrace immediately and slid her arms around Kara underneath her jacket. 

“I’m here because I want to be here.” Kara whispered as Lena pressed her face into her shoulder. 

Lena was shocked at just how heavily the feeling of Kara’s hand coming up to stroke through her hair affected her. But it did. God, it did. 

“How long can you stay?” Lena asked in a quiet murmur, and Kara’s hand slowly slid along the line of her jaw to lift her chin in response. 

“Not very.” Kara ran her thumb over Lena’s lower lip then. “I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay.” Lena’s words came out softly against the pad of Kara’s thumb. 

“A little longer than last night.” Kara offered in small consolation, looking almost pensive in the silent moments that stretched between them - seemingly without end. 

There was so much in Kara’s eyes. So much in the way she was looking at Lena. 

And each emotion was mirrored back in a language neither of them could quite seem to understand. 

For the second night in a row, their lips nearly touched. 

But only nearly. 

It was Lena that faltered this time, and Kara saw the conflict flash across her features as she lowered her head and shut her eyes tightly for a moment. Lena released a shuddering sigh as Kara’s fingers threaded back through her hair in response. 

“Will you sit on the edge of the bed for me?” Kara asked in a gentle tone.

When Lena looked up at her, it took every ounce of conviction Kara had not to ask her if she just wanted it to be like last night. If she just wanted it quick and simple and easy.

But she didn't. She just watched quietly as Lena slowly pulled away from her and backed toward the bed until her legs hit it and she sat down slowly with her hands beside her.

Lena’s eyes never left Kara as she took off her jacket and placed it carefully over the back of a nearby armchair.

Everything else, she left. The crisp, pressed shirt. The leather holster that fit so well it pressed that shirt into the hard, toned lines of the body beneath it. 

Lena was wet by the time Kara walked over. 

It didn't get any better when Kara slowly lowered herself onto her knees in the floor in front of her.

“This is what you deserve.” Kara whispered as her hands came to wrap gently around Lena’s ankles before she trailed her fingertips up the back of her calves until she found the hem of the silk sleep shorts Lena was wearing.

She didn't acknowledge the darkened spot of wetness that had formed in the material. She just slowly began guiding them down Lena’s legs. Before they even fell to the floor, Kara was pressing a hot, lingering kiss to Lena’s inner thigh. “This and everything. Anything.” 

And then, Lena found her legs over Kara’s shoulders as her hips were pulled forward.

It was true. In Kara’s opinion, Lena deserved to be utterly worshiped. For hours. Every night.

And Kara knew she couldn't give her that. 

She knew. 

But she could do this. She could spread Lena’s legs further and nuzzle between them in a way that made Lena lean back onto her elbows with a quiet groan. 

“What would you do…” Lena whispered as Kara pressed her lips against the soft mound just above her clit. “If you had more time?” 

Kara’s eyes lifted to find Lena’s focused on her, and she let out a quiet breath in response as she let her lips part to graze already-wet, sensitive flesh. “Everything that I can’t right now.” She responded quietly, her fingertips digging into Lena’s thighs as Lena’s hand came to rest along the back of her neck. 

Lena might have had more questions. She couldn’t remember, now. Not now that Kara’s tongue had begun sliding over her like so much hot, wet velvet. She wanted so many things. She wanted to tug Kara’s hair free from the tight bun she kept it up in. She wanted to peel her out of every inch of clothing she was wearing. 

But there wasn’t time and this would just have to do. 

As it was, the sensation of Kara’s tongue lapping at her clit interspersed with slow, steady sucking was almost too much after so long. Even after last night. 

Perhaps because this was so utterly different. So contrastingly intimate. And Lena was hissing curses under her breath whenever she could manage to get them out, which wasn't really all that often. 

Kara was as good with her mouth as she was with her hands. Lena’s thighs were tensing and her hips were flexing so firmly that Kara had to tighten her hold to keep her close and still enough that she could continue doing what she was doing until Lena’s nails were digging into the nape of her neck so hard that Kara was glad she didn't need to worry about her leaving marks.

“Keep going.” Lena gasped as the first orgasm was still washing over her at the behest of Kara’s tongue. “Don't s...fuck...Kara…”

Kara’s eyes were riveted to Lena’s face as she suddenly pushed herself from the floor. Lena’s head hit the pillows a moment later and Kara had two of her fingers buried in her, the tips of them curling upward as her tongue worked a little softer now that Lena was still trying to overcome the sensitivity that had come with her first orgasm.

And then she was coming again. Hard enough that, when she finally went limp against the bed, her entire body was trembling as she tugged at the collar of Kara’s shirt to get her to stop. 

Lena couldn't have spoken if she'd wanted to right then. She was far too busy trying to breathe as Kara slowly moved up her body and slid her hands beneath Lena’s shirt along the way.

Lena distinctly remembered that Kara hadn't been out of breath the night before. But she seemed to be now. Lena could feel the rapid puffs of air against her shoulder as Kara’s hands stopped moving higher and went still. 

“Kara?” Lena’s voice was barely audible as Kara slowly ran the bridge of her nose along the other woman’s jawline.

“Mm?”

“How long?”

“There’ll be someone rounding the corner in fifteen minutes.”

“Let me touch you.”

There was a pause from Kara as Lena’s hands found Kara’s tense stomach through the starched material of her dress shirt. 

“Lena, you don't-”

“I want to make you come.” 

Kara felt like the breath had been physically knocked out of her.

She hadn't thought…

“Please. I can't stand the thought of you being uncomfortable all night because of me.” Lena’s hands were already working at the polished buckle of her belt. They were already unfastening the zipper by the time Kara nodded.

Lena hadn't expected Kara to be as wet as she was. She hadn't expected to feel Kara’s weight against her or the breathy groan that fell from her lips when she slid her hand past the pants and beneath the waistband of the briefs Kara was wearing. 

But she didn't mind it. She didn't mind hearing Kara pant and moan into the pillow next to her ear as her hips worked against Lena’s hand.

“Faster.” Kara whispered as she gathered a little of Lena’s comforter in each of her fists to force herself back up onto her forearms. 

Lena obliged. She worked until she found a rhythm that had Kara twitching and tensing above her until she came as quietly as she could manage. Each moan was choked and silenced before it could make itself fully known.

Lena could've sworn she'd even heard the faintest hint of a whimper in there. 

Even before Kara could recover, Lena had fixed her pants for her and begun to sit up. 

Kara moved to do the same - leaning forward with her arms on her legs as Lena’s hand stroked slowly over her back while she still panted for each and every breath. It wasn't that she'd expended any real energy. 

It was just...she couldn't remember the last time she'd been touched like that.

And it had been Lena.

It had been _Lena_.

Time felt so cruel right then.

So unbearably cruel. 

So much so that Lena could feel her eyes burning when Kara glanced at her watch and ran her hands over her own face. 

“If we had more time I…” Kara trailed off and Lena could only just make out the way her jaw clenched in the dim light of the bedside lamp. 

“What?” She asked quietly, reaching quickly for Kara’s hand before she could lose her nerve so that she could give it a firm, lingering squeeze. 

“I don't know.” Kara admitted with a laugh that didn't sound at all like a laugh. “I guess it doesn't really matter.”

“It does.” Lena said as she moved a little closer on the edge of the bed. 

“If we had more time I would ask you why I don't want to leave.” Kara replied in a muffled, quiet tone. 

“I don't want you to leave either.” Lena felt a little sick when those words left her. She wished she could take them back and find a better place to hide them.

“You're very brave for doing what you're doing.” Kara said after a brief pause. “With the bill they're trying to pass, I mean.” 

“It's the right thing to do.” Lena responded simply. She might have pulled her hand away if it weren't for the fact that Kara had twined their fingers together at some point. And now that was the last thing she wanted to do. “It's my responsibility to do what's right.” 

Kara nodded faintly. Her secrets had never felt so heavy.

“What if things were different?” Kara finally asked as she turned her head to seek out Lena’s eyes. 

“In what regard?” Lena asked, half out of fear - half out of willful ignorance. 

Kara’s face fell in a way that made Lena regret those words.

“I shouldn't have said that.” Kara said as she released Lena’s hand and pushed herself up off the bed. Before Lena could even think, Kara had gotten her jacket back on and moved across the room to fix herself in front of a floor-length mirror.

She’d only just finished re-tucking her shirt when she looked back up and saw Lena reflected back at her over her shoulder, and she allowed Lena to turn her with a hand on her shoulder until they were facing each other.

“If things were different, you would tell me where you really got that scar between your eyebrows.” Lena said as she finished fixing Kara’s clothes for her.

“I would tell you that I don't know where I got it.” Kara responded without hesitation. “That I was too young to remember, and by the time I was old enough to care my parents weren't around anymore for me to ask.” 

“And what would you do, if things were different?” Kara continued before she noticed Lena’s eyes were glistening in the light reflected back at them from the mirror.

“I would tell you that I know how that feels and that I'm so sorry.” She whispered, resting one of her hands against Kara’s chest. “And that it isn't fair that you have to keep people so far away when you've had to survive the loneliness and lostness of losing them.” Lena looked away. Towards a wall on the far side of the room. Towards anything that wasn't Kara and the intensity of her eyes right now. “And I would probably want to fix you or something equally contrived and cliché.” 

“I don't think I'm broken. Maybe a little bruised.” Kara admitted. “And it wouldn't be your job to fix me if you could.” 

Lena slowly looked back at her. Just as Kara lifted a hand to rest along the side of her face. 

“But if things were different, I would let you try.” Kara continued as Lena pressed closer to her. 

_“Agent Danvers? All clear on four. En route to relieve you.”_

In the silence of the room, Lena had heard the faintest trace of sound from Kara’s earpiece even if she hadn't been able to make out the words.

Things _weren't_ different. 

They were just as they had always been. Lena was almost glad for the reminder. She was coming dangerously close to putting...well. _Something_ in jeopardy, she was sure. She just couldn't figure out what, right now.

She was too busy tilting her head as Kara’s lips pressed against her temple in a quick kiss just before she pulled away and slipped out the door. 

She was too busy holding it together long enough for said door to shut so that she could quickly wipe at her eyes and make her way toward the bathroom in an attempt to wash away all the unavoidable, unattainable things that were still clinging to her skin. 

Like the softness of Kara’s lips and the gentleness of her hands and the hardness of her body beneath her clothes. 

And how much she wanted all those things to belong to her when she knew with everything in her that they couldn't.


	9. Family Ties

The flight had felt so long. All of this had felt so long, really. 

Such was the train of Lena’s thoughts that morning as she got ready to do...absolutely nothing. To go have breakfast on the balcony of her cabin. A cabin where she hadn’t invited anyone, save a scant security team. 

And Kara. 

Kara, who had been the one to help her into her bedroom the night before when she’d been almost too tired to take the necessary steps, herself. 

Kara, to whom she would have nearly unlimited access for the duration of the weekend. 

The thought of that made her stomach ache in a way that was strangely not entirely unpleasant, and it was a thought that also had her making sure her high ponytail was in place and that her sweater hung nicely against her body before she finally made her way out of her bedroom towards the stairs and, inevitably, the kitchen. 

There would be a chef here for lunch and every meal after that, but she’d specifically requested to make this one, herself. 

She didn’t want to forget how to cook. There were a few little strands of regular humanity she was clinging to and that was one that felt like it was slipping terribly. 

And besides, she was fairly certain she would rather enjoy having breakfast overlooking the mountains while the sun rose. 

Lena was smiling as she rounded the corner. 

She was smiling as she headed, first, for the well-stocked fridge. 

Until she wasn’t. 

Until-

“I didn’t allow you to fund your campaign with our family’s money so that you could bankrupt me you know, sis.” 

Her jaw clenched immediately. 

She spun on her heels and saw Lex sitting in the breakfast nook in the pre-dawn shadows looking more than a little irritated with her. 

And a chill ran up her spine and caused the hairs to rise along her arms as she crossed them in front of her chest. 

“How did you get past...You’re not supposed to…” 

“Get in the way?” Lex asked with a lift of his brow. “Please just say it, Lena. Please tell me you don’t need me anymore so that I can tell the world that you’re trying to pass a bill that would cause me to scrap a billion-dollar project that _you_ consulted on.” 

Lena went visibly pale in a way that she hated. In a way that gave everything away all at once despite the steel in her eyes and the strong set of her jaw. “I had no idea what you were working on, Lex. And I have no intention of allowing you to control an untold number of people.” 

“It has nothing to do with control,” Lex responded, trying and failing to hide his agitation. “It’s simply an inhibitor. Listen, sis, your platform is really...inspirational and all. Really. Or else you wouldn’t be where you are. But we need to be realistic, here. You can change that wording so easily. I know you can. It’s not as if it’s a registry or some totalitarian ideal. It’s an inhibitor for _dangerous_ aliens. And you are about to put an end to my biggest government contract.” 

“It isn’t right, Lex. It doesn’t matter what the logic behind it is, anymore.” Lena responded adamantly, a slight flush of emotion rising in her cheeks. “It’s not going to happen. I don’t care about your threats. I’m not scared of you. Not scared enough to pretend the rights and freedoms of this country only apply to certain people.” 

Lena drew in a sharp breath to steady herself and continued on while Lex sat in stony silence. 

“And I know you won’t go public. I know you wouldn’t do that. You’re nothing but empty threats, and you have more than a steady enough stream of revenue outside of that contract to come out on top.” 

“You have no idea what I would do, sis,” Lex responded in a low, almost inaudible tone as he began to stand and adjust his jacket. 

Neither of them saw Kara approaching. In fact, Lena’s eyes only just fleshed up to her as she stepped behind Lex. “No, she doesn’t,” Kara said quietly. “But we do.” 

“Agent Danvers, I presume?” Lex said the name like it tasted rancid in his mouth. 

“Lift your hands,” Kara responded simply, and Lex complied. Slowly. All while Lena watched what was happening like a train wreck that she couldn’t tear her eyes from. 

“You know, you’ve given me a lot of trouble over the past year, Danvers,” Lex said as his piercing gaze stayed glued to Lena’s. “I have to say you run an annoyingly tight ship.” 

“Kara…” Lena began as she reached out as though there was anything she could do to stop this as she heard the tell-tale clinking of cuffs being pulled from the belt of the jeans Kara was wearing this morning. “Kara, wait.” 

Kara was already clicking the first cuff around Lex’s wrist. 

Lex was smirking as the wheels began turning. 

Kara cast a questioning gaze in Lena’s direction. 

“Kara, he’s my brother.” 

“I know.” 

“Don’t do this. _Please._” 

Lena stopped just before the first latch of the second cuff caught. “What do you mean, Lena?” 

“Please let him go. He’s my brother.” Lena responded with a barely audibly tremor in her voice. 

“You heard me say we know who he is, Lena. I can’t do that. He’s been trying to poke holes for months and there’s a reason he’s not on your list. There are a plethora of reasons.” 

“I’ll add him retroactively,” Lena responded, clearly quite panicked. “On the condition he never attempts a breach, again.” 

There was silence for a while. 

Lex correctly surmised that it was in his best interest to stay quiet for a while. Besides, he was busy mapping every nuance of Lena’s pleading expression as she looked at Kara beseechingly.

Lena was just about to say something else when she heard the click of a lock release. She was surprised by the sight of Lex calmly rubbing at his own wrists and adjusting his jacket again. 

“Out the way you came without alerting anyone,” Kara said as she slipped her cuffs back into the back pocket they’d been tucked in. “Don’t try it again.” 

Kara stayed in that room for a beat longer than Lena expected with a level of pain and conflict in her eyes that tore Lena apart. As soon as Lex was out of sight, so was Kara. 

Breakfast was all but forgotten, then. Lena was alone in the kitchen with the sun rising slowly against her back through the windows. Lex was gone. Kara was...somewhere. 

No doubt incredibly angry with her...or worse. 

And so, Lena retreated to her bedroom. At least for a while. She sat on the edge of the bed with her head in her hands and her thoughts clouded and dark. 

But she couldn’t hide from her problems forever, after all. The chef would be here, soon. Lunch would be served. 

A lunch that it would be strange for Kara to be absent from, all things considered. Yet somehow, Kara found a reason not to be. 

Lena found the perfectly decent meal almost inedible, yet she liked the chef so much she forced her way through at least half of it before excusing herself, making up some excuse about needing to take something for a headache. Something mundane. Something believable. 

The last thing she expected to see was Kara sitting on a chair in her bedroom looking out the window. 

Lena hadn’t had a chance to really look at her earlier. She hadn’t had a chance to appreciate the way the arms of the sweatshirt she was wearing were pushed up to her elbows or the cut of her jeans and the way they hung over her brown leather boots. 

She hadn’t got a chance to appreciate how strangely soft she looked with only half her hair pulled back and the rest hanging in waves against her shoulders. 

“Can we talk?” Lena asked as she pushed the door shut behind herself. 

“That’s why I’m here.” Kara responded without looking over. 

“I see.” Lena cleared her throat and stood there for a moment, unsure what to say now that her request had been granted. 

“You’re really quiet considering you asked to talk,” Kara observed, looking in Lena’s direction without really looking at her. She didn’t need to focus on her to see the wince her remark brought about. 

Lena sighed and shook her head as she finally moved in Kara’s direction, taking a last glance towards the door to be sure she’d shut it soundly before she sat down in the chair across from Kara. 

“I’m sorry to have put you in that position.” She finally said quietly. “I really am.” 

“I put myself in that position,” Kara responded simply, leaning back in the chair she was sitting in and looking down at her own hands in her lap. “This is getting...complicated. I should have arrested him. I should have had him questioned. That’s protocol.” 

“I didn’t know you had such in-depth knowledge of him if I’m being entirely honest. And I certainly didn’t know he’d been trying to see me. When I transferred holdings to him I made it perfectly clear that I wanted no further contact. I just want you to know that.” 

“I do know that.” Kara adjusted herself in her seat and finally looked at Lena. “And we all know that separating yourself from him was the only way to go about this. He’s…”

“I know.” Lena’s brow furrowed and she swallowed thickly. Her throat hurt suddenly. But that was nothing compared to the tightness in her chest. “But I don’t feel the way that he does. I’m still incredibly sorry that I made you make that decision back there. It’s just...he was all I had for so long. Since before I was old enough to not need anyone. Since before I was old enough to realize how wrong he was about his ideals. But I’m not like him. I swear I’m not.”

“And you don’t need anyone now?” Kara asked quietly. Her brows furrowed in a way that accentuated the little scar between them. In a way that made Lena’s thoughts turn to the fact that she still remembered Kara finally opening up about it. About the night they’d shared that had led to it.

Kara waited for an answer that didn’t seem to be coming and when it never did, she got up from her chair and bit her lower lip in thought before running a hand through her hair in frustration. 

“I understand, Lena. And I promise I won’t let him ruin you. You have my word.” 

She’d already turned after leaving Lena with those parting words to head for the door when Lena stood quickly and grabbed her wrist. 

It was so sudden and unexpected, Kara couldn’t seem to move at first. Not until Lena slid her hand up her arm and gave it a gentle tug. 

The sigh Kara let out as she turned to face the other woman shook a little on its way out, and her arms slipped around Lena instinctively. 

Lena’s head fell against her shoulder and Kara’s arms only tightened that much more around her as Lena bathed in the solidness and the warmth she was met with. 

“I need you.” Lena finally admitted, her voice muffled against Kara’s sweatshirt. It smelled good. It smelled like her. “And it scares me.”

“How?” Kara asked, turning her head so her lips brushed Lena’s ear as she spoke. “How do you need me?”

“Kara, I’m not any good at this,” Lena whispered as she dug her fingers into the material of Kara’s shirt against her back to keep her close. 

“You don’t say…” Kara mused as Lena’s lips found the side of her neck and pressed a single, gentle kiss there. A kiss that had Kara tilting her head for more, yet more didn’t come. 

Instead, Lena was slowly sliding her hands around to Kara’s sides and up her chest to cradle her face. Their eyes locked as Lena brushed the sides of her thumbs along Kara’s cheeks. 

“Show me.” Kara finally breathed, lifting one of her own hands to Lena’s face to tuck a stray strand of dark hair back behind the ear it had escaped from.

“How?” Lena asked, though her eyes nearly fluttered shut when Kara’s thumb grazed across her lips. 

“You don’t have to,” Kara responded simply. “Nothing has to change.” 

And yet, in the time in took Kara to try and think of something else to say, Lena had leaned in and brushed her lips against the corner of her mouth almost hesitantly. Enough to get them to part slightly. Enough to have Kara holding her a little closer and sliding her hand around to the back of her head. 

It’d been so long since she’d kissed anyone that Kara felt a flutter of nervousness as the tips of their noses grazed. She had to remind herself it had been just as long for Lena, as she kissed the bow of Lena’s upper lip and then moved to the lower - treating it much the same before Lena finally seemed to be done with her teasing and pressed their lips together harder than Kara had expected. 

But it wasn’t anything she couldn’t handle. She was almost disappointed she couldn’t feel the slight sting of their teeth clashing together behind their lips. But at least she could feel the rush of breath that came with Lena’s sharp inhale through her nose when Kara’s tongue first begged for entrance that was given more than willingly. 

It was so gentle, though.

That's all Lena could think as Kara’s tongue brushed against her own and her hand stayed still in the cradle of the small of her back until Lena had no choice but to pull a little more air into her lungs.

Her lips still tingled faintly, no doubt a little bruised from her own eagerness. Eagerness that Kara had met and mellowed swiftly while only stoking the fire warming Lena’s body.

“This isn't just sex for you,” Kara whispered against Lena’s lips as Lena lifted her sweatshirt and splayed her fingers out against the toned expanse of Kara’s abdomen. “Tell me it isn't.”

“You already know.” Lena countered as Kara backed her towards the bed slowly. “Please tell me you can stay until morning.” 

“Here, I can.” Kara responded in a soft, reassuring tone as Lena’s legs hit the edge of the mattress. Kara pulled her shirt up and off her own body and Lena let her gaze linger on the broad, strong set of her shoulders and the soft cuts of muscles that trailed down past the waistband of her jeans. 

“What is it for you?” Lena finally asked against Kara’s stomach after leaning forward to shower it with attention more akin to worship than anything else.

_It’s everything._

Lena’s eyes lifted as her hands found the buckle of Kara’s belt, but she didn't unfasten it quite yet. The expression on Kara’s face stopped her. The lack of answer made her question more than she felt like questioning right then. 

“More than it should be,” Kara responded with a faint tremor in her voice as she knelt over Lena’s lap looking down at her. “I've never felt so helpless in my life and I don't have the strength to fight it.”

“You're the strongest person I know.” Lena said, still unmoving. “You could if you wanted to.”

“But I don't.” Kara’s voice was a whisper. Her hands were warm and soft against the sides of Lena’s neck before they slid down into the loose collar of her sweater and back out again. “I don't want to let this go. I don't want to let you go.”

“Please don't.” Lena sounded so adamant and so strong right then, despite the fact that her plea had felt like anything but strength when it fell from her lips. 

She found herself lifted up along the bed then. Blanketed by Kara's body and drowning in her.

Repeated whispers of ‘I won’t’ and promises Lena had never so much as hoped for were pressed into her skin by silken lips as they undressed each other with as much patience as either of them could muster right then.

Lena thought idly later as she looked over at Kara draped across her bed on her back with the sheets covering just one of her legs that she had never felt closer to god. Especially considering she didn't believe in such things.

But the way the moonlight caught the curves of muscle along Kara’s thighs and stomach that were so hard yet so soft beneath her touch…

“You're staring.” Kara accused in a soft, breathy voice as she reached out to brush her fingertips along the curve of the underside of Lena’s breast. 

“I thought you were sleeping.” Lena admitted from her spot - resting with her back against the headboard and a pillow clutched to her chest.

It was nearly sunrise.

They'd spent hours losing themselves in each other. Over and over until sleep had taken Lena for a while. Only a while, though, before she'd woken to the most breathtaking sight she'd ever been met with. 

“You should be the one sleeping.” Kara’s lips curled into a soft smile as she spoke and stretched out in an almost cat-like fashion before reaching out for Lena. “Come here. Let me hold you the way I've wanted to since that first night.” 

Lena moved into Kara’s arms immediately and found herself perfectly tangled in Kara and the sheets they'd made a mess of.

Perfectly tangled like their lives had become. Like the soft kisses Kara was brushing against her temple. Like the way her gentleness contrasted with how rough she could be when Lena asked.

And she had been. Lena would feel her still in the morning. Just like she'd begged to with Kara on top of her pinning her into the mattress and panting into her ear. 

The same woman who was drawing soft, languid patterns across her bare shoulders and pressing their lips together in shallow kisses as Lena’s eyelids began feeling regrettably heavy. 

Lena had fallen asleep in many beds in her lifetime.

They both had.

But never had two people been warier of the coming morning.

Of the letting go.


	10. Special Agent Casanova

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girls deserve a nice evening.

It was already past midnight but Lena was still perched comfortably on a chair on the balcony overlooking the moonlit mountains in the distance. She was waiting for Kara. Curled up in a thick blanket against the chill of the air thinking about their return trip the following afternoon. It was devastating, really. Two nights together was all they would have for another month at least. 

Lena was battling with the lump in her throat and the burning in her eyes when she heard approaching footsteps so quiet they could only belong to one person.

Her attention turned slowly, and the full moon above caught the slight pooling of unshed tears in her eyes as she looked over at Kara.

She was dressed normally again. Gone were the perfectly crisp suit and tie and impeccably shined shoes. There were just a simple flannel shirt and a pair of jeans in their place. A shirt with sleeves still rolled up despite their temperature. And Kara’s hair was fully down - falling in beautiful golden waves against her shoulders. 

They seemed stuck in that moment. Entranced by each other.

Kara’s hand hadn't left the place where it was resting against the door frame. Only her lips had parted to let out a quiet exhale of breath. 

“You look like a painting.” Kara managed quietly after a while. “One of those profoundly sad, beautiful ones that the critics spend years over-analyzing and picking apart while the truth of it all remains entirely out of their grasp.”

Lena blinked at that, and when she did she had to reach to catch a tear as it slipped down the pale skin of her cheek. She let out a breath of her own that sounded almost like a laugh. “And what is my truth, Kara Danvers?”

One corner of Kara’s lips turned up in a smile that was almost as sad as Lena felt. “That you are one of the loneliest people I've ever met aside from myself. That you have no idea how utterly untouchable and out of reach you must seem to the rest of the world. And that you are so beautiful it hurts like hell to look at you sometimes.”

Lena made another of those breathy noises and Kara finally managed to unglue her feet from the pine boards beneath them long enough to move to the chair where she knelt slowly to reach up and cover the slightly damp trail on Lena’s cheek with the palm of her hand.

“And touching you is as close to touching the sun as anyone will ever get.” Kara finally finished as Lena turned her face to hide it in Kara’s hand. The kiss she pressed to Kara’s palm was as good an excuse to do so as any.

“Do you write much poetry in your spare time?” Lena asked as she leaned down into the arms that were quickly pulling her into a hug that she sorely needed.

“No.” Kara chuckled more at herself than anything else before pressing a kiss to Lena’s dark, velvety hair. It smelled like lavender tonight. “Not at all. But I could write entire books about the way you look at me across a room, I think.” 

“I can't help the way I look at you,” Lena admitted. “I can't help the way I want you.”

“I know the feeling,” Kara slipped her hand beneath Lena’s chin slowly enough that she could graze the strong line of her jaw with a feather-light touch along the way before she lifted it so she could brush their lips together in an equally light kiss. “Why are you crying?”

“Because I'm selfish,” Lena breathed against her lips. “Because I'm not ready to stop pretending this is real.”

“Are we pretending?” Kara asked, only half-knowing the answer. 

Lena leaned her forehead against Kara’s and finally slipped her fingers into Kara’s hair where they'd been aching to be all day. “I wish that we were.” 

Kara kissed her again as though such a meager gesture could chase away the cold reality that was threatening to crush them both with its weight. “I'm sorry.” 

“Don't say that,” Lena said as quietly as she did fiercely. “I can't handle the thought that you regret this right now, even if you do.”

“I don't.” Kara responded as her free hand found Lena’s through the blanket so she could twine their fingers together loosely. “I can't. And besides, how could something so difficult not be real? Isn't that how the world works?”

“I wish you would stop being so right all the time.” Lena said with a sigh as she finally began unfurling herself from her blanket. 

“I arranged the shift rotations and patrols so that I can stay until morning.” 

Lena’s eyes flashed up to meet Kara’s. Her mind ran rampant with thoughts of all the times Kara had slipped away from her. Even that very day before the sun was fully up. 

“What?”

“You aren't the only selfish one, Lena.” Kara said as she helped the other woman to her feet and stroked along the loose sleeves of the sweater covering her arms. “And I want to follow the sunrise across your skin with my hands even if I'm not sure I'll survive the experience.” 

“There she is again.” Lena accused gently as she leaned a little closer and slipped her arms around Kara’s back. “The poet. Special Agent Casanova.” 

“You're one to talk.” Kara was smiling a little when next she spoke. “I saw what you left laying out on the bed. Very subtle.” 

“I wasn't really going for subtle.” Lena countered as Kara stepped them backward and into the relative warmth of Lena’s bedroom. Her attention shifted for a moment to the bed where she'd left the harness she'd snuck on this trip, and her brow furrowed in confusion.

“I was.” Kara whispered against Lena’s temple as she took Lena’s hand and guided it slowly to the leg of her pants where the length of the toy she'd silently strapped to herself in Lena’s bathroom was carefully tucked. 

Lena shuddered so hard that Kara felt it in her bones as her fingertips traced the thick outline of the toy against Kara’s thigh. 

“I didn't know how you would feel about it. I was worried you might find me too presumptuous.” Lena’s admission was quiet against Kara’s neck as she pressed her suddenly flushed face against it and reached for the button of Kara’s pants all at once. 

“Let's take it slow tonight,” Kara suggested, stroking softly over Lena’s hand as she guided it away. “Let me take my time with you. I never get to.” 

“You didn’t take your time last night?” Lena asked with a curious little quirk of her lips. 

“Not slow enough.” Kara argued, albeit gently. And then she was being turned and pushed down onto the edge of the bed. She hadn't been expecting it but she didn't put up any resistance, either. She just watched Lena curiously as she stood between her legs looking down at her.

“You know how you stand with your hands folded in front of your hips?” Lena asked in a quiet voice as her eyes trailed slowly up Kara’s body to the heated, hungry expression on her face. “I swear you'll never understand what that does to me.”

Even as Kara was processing those words, Lena was stroking slowly up the material of her pants over her inner thighs until she felt them tense beneath her hands. When Kara’s breath caught in her throat she looked up at her with one of her brows raised. “Are you okay, Kara?”

“I...yeah. Yeah. I just thought I was the one who was supposed to be taking my time with you.” It was a little difficult to formulate coherent thoughts while Lena was stroking so carefully over the outline of the toy against her thigh. 

“You can. I promise.” Lena responded simply. “Let me indulge myself, first.” 

Kara nodded faintly and then Lena’s hands were working over the buckle of her belt and the fly of her pants deftly. Once the toy was free, Lena’s hand was wrapped around it and her teeth were digging into Kara’s inner thigh just enough for her to feel it. For anyone else, there might have been a sharper sting. For Kara, it didn't matter. It still drove a shiver up her spine and had her gripping the edge of the bed.

“You deserve to be taken care of.” Lena murmured against Kara’s bare hip as she pulled the now loose waistband of her pants down low enough to reveal the warm skin there. “I would take care of you every night if I could. The way you take care of me every day.” 

Kara was torn between the emotional weight of that statement and the heat pooling in her belly as Lena’s hands slowly slid to pull her pants further down. As Lena worked the material down her legs, Kara slid her fingers through Lena’s hair and touched along the underside of her jaw gently to lift her head so she could see her eyes. “Do you really feel that way?”

Kara’s voice was low and a little raspy. A mixture of lust and emotion that tugged af Lena’s heart, amongst other things. 

“Every time I look at you.” Lena whispered those words in such a raw, unguarded way that Kara felt an ache form in the back of her throat.

Kara in turn felt a desperate, sudden urge to say things that would tear this whole thing apart. Ruin it beyond any hope of repair. She wanted to ask if it had to be this way always. If it could ever be more. She wanted to tell Lena she would wait every day of every year of her presidency as long as there was hope for them at the end of it all. 

But she didn't say a word. She just shook her head faintly and guided some of Lena’s loose hair behind her ears. 

“What's on your mind?” Lena’s voice was gently coaxing in a way that told Kara she was trying to curb her arousal for Kara’s sake and that was the last thing she wanted right now.

“Is this what you think about when you see me standing across the room?” Kara responded in a low murmur as her fingertips slowly slid to the back of Lena’s neck. She felt a shiver run through Lena’s body and saw the way the flush in her cheeks got even darker. “Do you imagine yourself kneeling in front of me like this?”

“Yes,” Lena whispered as she tightened her grip on the toy her hand was wrapped around. “I hope that's not...I don't mean to seem-”

“It's so fucking hot, Lena.” Kara said before the other woman had a chance to question her any further. It was so much easier to just slip into this world with just the two of them in it than it was to question it all. 

That remark went a long way in restoring Lena’s confidence. Kara could tell just by the hungry look in her pale eyes. Eyes that were always captivating, but entirely inescapable in that moment. 

“Sometimes I have these thoughts. Wicked thoughts of you fucking my mouth in front of all those people. Of you bending me over the banquet table so that everyone knows how well you fuck me and how utterly and fully my body belongs to you.” 

Lena had worked Kara’s pants all the way off now along with her boots, leaving her in just the harness from the waist down. Kara wasn't the least bit ashamed. On the contrary, she was perfectly on the edge of the bed with her legs spread enough to give Lena ample room to do as she pleased. 

“I can do that for you here.” Kara’s voice was a little dryer now. A little rougher around the edges. Her hand was moving up to gather Lena’s hair in an increasingly strong grip against the back of her head. “And the next time you look at me across the room you can remember what my cock feels like in your throat.” 

Lena’s eyes fluttered shut and the corners of her lips curled up into the slightest, most disarming smile just before she brushed her lips along the side of the toy. The tip was pressing past them a moment later. 

What Kara hadn't expected was for Lena to lower a hand between her legs and find the wetness that had gathered between the straps of the harness.

It was enough that it made Kara blush just before she let out a soft noise and shifted her hips carefully when Lena pressed the length of a single finger into her. 

And Lena could tell Kara was being careful. She just didn't want her to be. 

She only pulled her mouth away from the toy long enough to reassure her of that in a breathy, wanting tone. “Fuck me, darling. I trust you. So much.” 

As though Lena wasn't currently knuckle-deep in Kara curling her finger with firm, sinful purpose. 

So when Lena sank back down onto the now-slick toy she’d been nursing, Kara used her grip on her sleek, dark hair to push her further and lifted her hips in the same moment.

Lena moaned deeply around the toy and Kara’s entire body shuddered and tensed when a second of Lena’s fingers joined the first.

Each movement mirrored that of her mouth. Matching the visual of it all perfectly.

Lena thought idly between managing the girth of the toy testing the boundaries of the back of her throat that she was certain she would never get enough of the way Kara was behaving right now. Somewhere between control and abandon. So close to giving it all up for her. 

And when Lena finally showed Kara that she could very much take the entirety of the toy, the line Kara was treading became thinner. Non-existent, really. She lost enough of her hard-earned composure that her hips were working fervently against Lena’s fingers and, in turn, filling her throat between choked moans and messy, wet sounds that were only driving her towards the edge that much faster. 

Yet even then, Kara looked at her as often as she could manage. In concern, sometimes. Mostly just in awe.

Lena looked so focused with her brows furrowed each time she took the toy to the hilt. Each time she used her chin to force the backing of the harness to push into Kara’s clit. 

She pulled up when Kara’s hips began jerking a little too wildly. A little too strongly.

But she didn't stop.

Instead, she jerked the toy in her hand in quick, hard motions that were as firm as the fingers still sliding in and out of Kara rapidly. 

And now her mouth was against Kara’s stomach. Her lips were parting against the barely evident sheen of sweat across her abdomen. She'd never seen Kara sweat before, and the light tang of salt on her skin was everything in that moment as she murmured hotly and breathlessly against it.

“Come in my mouth, Kara. _Please._”

Kara’s head fell back. Her heels dug fruitlessly against the side of the mattress as Lena swallowed everything that she could get again. Her fingers were moving harder, now, and there were three of them filling and stretching and fucking in a way Kara didn't even know she needed.

She couldn't help but give Lena what she wanted. She couldn't help the way her body shook as she pulled Lena down by her hair and rutted her hips hard against her face. Hard enough that Lena’s nose was pressed into the soft, trimmed trail of hair that just barely showed itself above the upper edge of the harness. 

But Lena took it. She took it with a muffled, choked moan and one final, hard thrust of her fingers before she curved them and flexed them in time with the waves of Kara’s orgasm. 

By the time Kara let go of her hair, the air Lena forced into her own lungs burned on its way in. Not that she minded.

The sight of Kara collapsed back against the bed with her thighs trembling and her chest heaving beneath her bunched-up shirt was well worth it.

She slipped her fingers free carefully as she helped Kara move to lay along the bed. She was just as careful about removing Kara’s shirt and the bra beneath it along with her own clothing. She wasn't in a rush.

It was just that she wanted desperately to feel Kara’s skin against her own as she lay down against her and found herself being clung to with a surprising amount of desperation. She was certain Kara was leaving little crescents in the skin of her back with her nails.

“Lena…” Kara gasped the name against Lena’s face once she was close enough, and Lena turned her head to press her forehead against Kara’s temple.

“Too much?” She asked quietly - her tone an attempt to soothe. She'd never seen Kara like this before. Not even close.

“No,” Kara responded quickly and adamantly. “No, just...just really good.”

“Was that the first time a woman has ever sucked your cock, darling?” Lena asked - following the question with a gentle kiss to Kara’s brow.

Kara gave a half-hearted murmur that affirmed Lena’s suspicions. 

“That's a shame.” Lena murmured as Kara’s eyes finally opened to meet her own. “I'll never forget the way you looked. Utterly breathtaking.” 

Kara exhaled sharply through her nose, seemingly attempting to gather her wits enough to turn them over before Lena shook her head and stopped her with a hand against her stomach. “Relax. I want it just like this. Let me do the work. Please.” 

“I'm not used to this,” Kara said with a furrow between her brows as she lifted her hands to stroke and cradle Lena’s face. “You don't need to do this.” 

“Those are two separate things, entirely.” Lena chided gently, stroking slowly along one of Kara’s sides as she looked down at her. “Do you not like this? Is it the intimacy?”

“Not in the way you think, maybe.” There was the faintest tinge of nerves to Kara’s tone, but it was enough that Lena listened that much more closely. 

“Maybe I'm scared of this because it’s temporary.” Kara continued - her voice coming out thick and grating to her own ears. “Maybe it was easier when...I…” 

And then the words were gone. Replaced, instead, by a vice-grip threatening to squeeze her heart until it stopped beating.

Lena tried to decipher the meaning behind it all. She tried her best to fill in the blanks. To push her own fears aside even as they threatened to cripple her.

She leaned in and pressed the gentlest kiss she could manage against the side of Kara’s mouth to buy herself a moment of time before she whispered her reply. “I don't want it to be.” Lena's entire body went tense when she realized the depth of that admittance. And she powered through it, anyway. “I don't know how I could go back to the way it was before. Maybe I lie to myself every time I convince myself that this is more than sex. Maybe that's why I can never say it. Maybe it's because I don't know. Or because I don't want to know.”

Kara sought out a fuller kiss, then. One that she deepened gently with a part of her lips and a soft flick of her tongue until they were both breathing heavily again and Lena was grinding down hard against the toy that was trapped between them. 

“It's more.” Kara panted breathlessly against Lena’s lips as she felt wetness drip down against her lower abdomen and reached between them to fumble for purchase against the glistening slickness of the toy Lena was seeking out with every move she made. “Sex is nothing like this. Fucking is nothing like this.” 

As if to prove that point for Kara, Lena reached down to help her and slid down onto the toy as her head fell against Kara’s chest and a series of sharp, shocked breaths left her parted lips. 

She'd chosen it herself, but fuck it was big. Then again, how long had it been since she'd done this?

Long enough that Kara felt the need to stroke along her arms to encourage her to lay back down and adjust while the stinging stretch of utter fullness filled her senses. 

“It's not.” Lena finally said as she pulled Kara’s arms from around her to pin her wrists beside her head against the bed. But her fingers were twining with Kara’s the moment she'd successfully pinned her. “You're right. It's never been like this. It's never going to be like this with anyone but you.” 

Kara was all for fair play. 

But not right then.

No, right then she removed her hands from Lena’s grip rather easily and turned them over with more strength and ease than Lena could ever have hoped to match.

And she settled her hips slowly between Lena’s thighs without ever pulling free of her.

She took a moment for both of them. A moment she spent stroking Lena’s cheek with her curled fingers while her arm came to rest beside her and she drew her knees beneath herself slowly for leverage. 

“I'm not a jealous person,” Kara whispered almost beseechingly with a look to match. “But I can't stand the thought of someone else touching you. I kept telling myself if I didn't feel any of this it wouldn't matter. If it _was_ temporary...it wouldn't matter. But I want the sounds you make and the way you look at me. I want all those things for myself. Selfishly. Horribly. And I don't know what to do about it anymore.” 

“You're doing it already.” Lena countered - caught somewhere in the space between amusement and ‘Kara Danvers is about to fuck me and I literally never want her to stop’. “So don't stop. Please. Let me keep pretending I don't have to let you go in the morning. Let me pretend you're actually going to put up with this long enough for it to be the ‘more’ that it deserves to be. Convince me I'm worth waiting for even if I'm not. Please.”

Kara’s expression softened further if that was even possible, and she slid an arm beneath Lena’s back as she rested only some of her weight against her and pulled her hips back unexpectedly before thrusting forward in one deep, fluid motion that was followed by another and accompanied by Kara’s lips and heavy breaths against her neck.

It didn’t take long at all before Lena was whimpering into Kara’s ear and gasping out desperate pleas for her to keep going. Pleas that she needn’t have bothered with, all things considered. Kara was so hyper-focused on her pleasure every time they were together. But tonight, especially. 

There was just something different about tonight. About the way they clung to each other while Kara rocked Lena through her orgasm and hid her face in the crook of her neck. 

“I would wait forever.”

Lena’s eyes snapped open and stared at the ceiling. She tightened her arms around Kara's back so desperately she wasn’t sure how Kara was still moving the way she was.

“What?”

“You are worth everything. _Anything_.” Kara couldn't possibly have been lying. She couldn't possibly have the focus enough to do that, right now. Not with the way her body was rolling so perfectly and her hips were grinding to get herself deeper in all the right ways despite how overstimulated Lena was. “I promise.”

Kara was panting. Gasping. And Lena knew it wasn't because she was over-exerting herself. She'd learned long ago that that would likely never happen. 

There was also dampness against Lena’s neck that she knew wasn't sweat. 

She knew because of the sound that came from somewhere deep in Kara’s chest and caught just short of escaping. Choked back desperately before it could become the heart-wrenching sob that it absolutely had been. 

“Kara...stop…” 

God, that was the last thing Lena had wanted to say. 

But she'd needed to say it.

And she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt Kara would stop immediately, yet she didn't allow her to pull away. She wrapped her legs around Kara’s hips as tightly as she could - and when Kara sat back, Lena went right along with her - sitting against her lap and trying desperately to chase her apologies away with gentle touches and even softer words murmured against her hair. 

“Shh, Kara. It's okay. It's okay. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I'm doing this to you.” Lena breathed those words against Kara’s ear as she stroked across her chest and up along the sides of her neck.

“I'm sorry I left you guessing. I'm so fucking sorry. You needn't guess anymore. It's more. It always has been. And it's always going to be more. Not just tonight. Not just when we're in bed together or locked away together whenever we can manage it. Always. And you don't have to wait. God knows you deserve better than that. But if you decided that's the path you want to take, I would be the luckiest woman alive. And I would make this right every day that you let me once I was able to.” 

Kara needed a moment. For a lot of reasons. She needed a moment to spread her legs out so she wouldn't fall over with Lena on her lap. She needed a moment to lean her head against Lena's chest and listen to the way her heart was beating.

Mostly, she needed a moment to convince herself that all this was really happening. 

It was a few moments, truth be told, before she finally recovered. 

“I'm not usually this emotional. I'm sorry, too.” That was the best she had, right then. But Lena had better.

“You are, Kara. Here.” She rested her hand over Kara’s chest. She willed the warmth of her touch into Kara’s skin. “And it's so beautiful. You haven't the faintest idea how beautiful it is to see it.” 

“You're the only one,” Kara explained quietly when she finally lifted her head and looked up at Lena, who understood all too well exactly what Kara had meant by that. “Please let me wait.” This was one of the few times she'd seen Kara scared. And god, she looked like she was terrified. “Let me wait for you. For us.” 

Lena wanted so terribly to say yes. She wanted so terribly to throw caution into the wind. 

Mostly, she never wanted to be the reason Kara cried, again. 

In that moment, she was sure nothing had ever cut her so deeply. 

In that moment, she realized just how serious all of this was. 

“Yes.” 

Lena’s voice was so quiet Kara found herself thankful for her hearing. 

“Yes?” She asked, sounding more than a little shocked. 

Lena leaned back slowly and made a soft noise that Kara couldn’t quite discern. She still hadn’t let Kara pull out. It was still the last thing she wanted. 

“Yes. I...I have no right to ask you to, but I’m still asking. Because I can’t stand the thought of you touching someone else, Kara. Or someone else touching you. I want to be the only one just like you do."

“That’s an easy promise for me to make, Lena.” Kara said before she let out a shuddering breath. “It would be easy even if I had a life outside of work.” 

Lena laughed a little at that. They both did. And god, it felt good to laugh right then. 

Even if a few tears joined in along the way until they were both slumped together quietly. 

“I’m sorry I ruined your orgasm, by the way.” Kara murmured as she left a warm trail of kisses along Lena’s collarbone. 

“My orgasm was fine, thank you.” Lena teased with a quiet laugh. 

“The second one, then.” 

“Oh, that one…” Lena shifted in Kara’s lap and draped her arms over her shoulders as Kara’s hands moved to find her hips. “There’s no time like the present.” 

Kara had been treated to many new sights that night. 

Not the least of which was the sight of Lena riding out her orgasm in a way that Kara would likely never forget. Lena had been all too ready to remind Kara that she’d been willing to do all the work for once. She’d even pushed Kara gently back against the headboard a time or two - always with a soft smile and a teasing bite to the side of her neck to soften the blow. 

Kara had been left with so much to think about as Lena slept quietly next to her. So many hopes she’d never allowed herself to have before mixed and mingled with heated, vivid memories of the night they’d just shared together. 

But the thing Kara decided she’d likely remember the most vividly was the way the sunrise filtered in through the cabin windows and lightened the darkness of Lena’s hair. The way it caught the paleness of her skin and made her here-and-there freckles stand out a little more than usual. 

Maybe she cried a little again as Lena snuggled a little closer - turning away from the slowly rising sun to hide her face against Kara’s side. 

“Don’t do that.” Lena whispered - clearly still half-asleep.

“Don’t do what?” Kara asked in surprise. She hadn’t even realized Lena was awake. 

“Don’t cry, darling.” Lena murmured - her lips brushing against Kara’s ribs before she pressed a gentle kiss there. 

“I’m not crying,” Kara responded - her tone both quiet and defensive. “It’s just...it’s just everything I imagined it would be. Waking up with you.” 

“Mm, hush.” Lena chided as she reached blindly for Kara’s hand, which found her own in order to save Lena the trouble. “You have to sleep in order to wake up with me. So come here and get some rest for once.” 

“We don’t have time, Lena…” 

“We do as of last night. I updated my itinerary. We’re free until Noon.” 

Kara snorted quietly but quickly realized Lena was dead serious. Which meant Kara had missed a rather important email sometime during the night. 

Not that it mattered much. She’d been right here with her, after all. 

They found a position that was more than comfortable for both of them, and for once - Kara let herself relax. It wasn’t that difficult, really. Not with the way Lena was stroking through her hair and breathing so softly against the nape of her neck. 

Kara had never been the ‘little spoon’ type. And she’d probably never admit to it publicly. 

But...this was nice. 

It was nice having Lena’s arm around her holding her back against her chest. 

And for a few hours, at least, Kara slept better than she had in years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't discuss private things publicly, however, I do appreciate everyone's patience with this fic while I do my best to keep working at it. I hope you're still enjoying it. :)


	11. No Going Back

Kara frowned as she stood in front of Lena where she sat on the examination table. They hadn't even been back from the mountains for a week, and Lena had woken up with a terrible fever. No doubt due at least in part to how hard she'd been working herself since her vacation.

“I still think this is entirely unnecessary, Kara,” Lena complained in a raspy voice that clearly spoke to the necessity of this visit. 

“It's not.” Kara countered firmly as she lifted her hand to stroke some of Lena’s hair away from her face. She'd been too sick this morning to even mess with it, and that was the first unusual occurrence that had raised Kara’s hackles. “You're still burning up.” She continued in a much softer tone, honing in on both Lena’s breathing and her heartbeat when Lena groaned and let her head fall forward against her chest.

“I'll just take the day off and be fine tomorrow,” Lena mumbled against the silk of Kara’s tie. 

“No.” Kara breathed, wrapping her arms around Lena’s shoulders and sighing before she pressed a quick kiss to the top of her head. “Now please let my sister do her job. It's my job to worry her half to death, not yours.” 

“Fine,” Lena grumbled as she pulled away - almost in time for Alex to open the door and walk in without seeing them. Yet something about the way Alex glanced between them made Lena’s eyes narrow. She was still perceptive, even as sick as she was, and that look hadn't seemed at all normal to her.

A quick examination determined that Lena had the full-blown flu and, much to her dismay, would be out of commission for at least the next four days.

“Alex?” 

Alex looked up from where she was writing out a prescription on the pad she was holding and her eyes focused on her sister who was standing on the opposite side of the room as Lena, as per usual.

“Would you mind informing the President about how lack of sleep and too much strain greatly weaken the immune system?” 

Alex stared at her for a while longer before looking back in Lena's direction as she handed Kara the prescription as though she were nothing more than an errand boy. It amused Kara more than anything else.

“I hate to admit this on the rare occasion that it happens, Lena, but Kara is right. You need to be a little kinder to yourself or this job is going to wind up putting you in the ground.” 

Lena stared past Alex, clearly unamused but too weak to feel like arguing. Besides, she knew Alex was right even if she wouldn't admit it. 

“Right. Well, anyway, I saw Jess waiting for you in the hall. I'm pretty sure she thinks you're dying, so I'll let her get you back to bed.” Alex turned back to Lena’s chart and flipped nonchalantly through it as Lena slowly got up from the table she'd been sitting on and made her way towards the door. 

“Not you,” Alex said as Kara moved to follow her.

Kara stopped and focused all her attention on Alex the moment Lena slipped away and left them alone together, and Alex sighed heavily as she turned to look at her.

“You have lipstick on your shirt next to your tie,” Alex said simply, and Kara’s jaw clenched as she looked down. 

“I, uh…”

“Don't bother, Kara.” Alex cut her off as she produced a bottle of alcohol and some cotton balls from a nearby cabinet to begin working the stain off her sister’s shirt.

Kara looked utterly stricken. They'd always been so careful. But Lena was sick, and it had Kara distracted. Clearly a little too distracted. 

She was still standing there silently when Alex tossed the stained cotton into a nearby bin and stashed the alcohol back where it had been. 

“How long?” Alex asked quietly as she pulled herself up to sit on the table Lena had been perched on not long ago. She patted it for Kara to sit next to her, and Kara obliged her - albeit reluctantly. She didn't feel she had much choice in the matter.

“I don’t know what you're talking about, Alex,” Kara responded quietly as she folded her hands in her own lap and looked down at them. 

“Okay, but you do - so let's move past that. How much does she know?” Alex glanced over at Kara knowing it was useless to try and read her facial expressions. They were too schooled when Kara wanted them to be, even for Alex.

“Nothing,” Kara said quickly, a furrow forming between her brows. “I'm not risking everything just because...fuck.” 

Kara sighed heavily, and Alex reached out to rest a hand against her shoulder. “I hate that I have to ask you this, but do you think you're compromised? In regards to your job, I mean?”

“No,” Lena responded simply. “No, I'd have given my life for hers when I was assigned, and I'd give it a million times over, now. What kind of question is that?” Kara’s thoughts flashed, then, to what had happened at the cabin. To when she'd let Lex go simply because Lena had asked her to. 

“Please don't get so defensive,” Alex said quietly, “I have two people to worry about and one of them is the President the other one is my sister. That's a lot to worry about.” 

“Sorry,” Kara breathed. “Listen, don't stress about it, okay? I've got it under control.”

“Can I ask you something?” Alex had paused for a moment before she spoke again, and her voice was low and coaxing in a way that Kara found...concerning.

“What?”

“Would any of that change if whatever is going on between the two of you were to come to an end?”

Kara slid down from the table and fixed her jacket with a sudden snap before she turned to face Alex. “Are you asking me if I would allow something to happen to her, Alex?” Her tone was sharp in a way Alex wasn't used to hearing it.

She sighed and shook her head, feeling more than a little guilty for having asked that question. She knew her sister better than that. “I'm sorry. Look, just go down the hall and pick up her meds. Someone needs to stay with her while her fever is this high, and clearly that ‘someone’ is you.” 

Kara didn't know if she was happier about being back by Lena’s side or being done with the conversation. But just before she turned the handle on the door, Alex spoke up again from behind her.

“Don't walk away mad.” 

The tension in Kara’s shoulders relaxed and she hung her head a little bit. That was their thing. Ever since Kara had started taking on more and more high-risk assignments. She and Alex both knew that, yes, it was nearly impossible to kill her, but...only ‘nearly’. 

“I'm not mad,” Kara said as she turned sideways to look back at her sister. “Promise.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lena sighed heavily as she meandered towards her bed after having gotten back into her pajamas at Jess’s insistence. 

“Stop complaining.” Jess urged gently as she watched with concern the way Lena struggled to get her aching body to cooperate with the high-raised edge of the bed. It took another minute or two on top of that for her to get back under the covers.

Jess finally approached the bed then, carrying a chair along with her so she could sit next to Lena after she placed the tray she'd been holding across her lap.

It took another minute or two for Jess to get enough pillows situated behind Lena in order for her to sit up properly, but the expression on Lena’s face when she looked down at the soup that had been placed in front of her was none too promising.

“Jess, there's no way,” Lena whispered, looking at it for a moment longer and then leaning her head back against the headboard.

“Okay, no soup right now.” Jess agreed when she realized Lena was looking a little queasy. “But you have to at least drink some of this.” She was already opening a bottle of Gatorade, and Lena didn't have the energy to complain anymore.

She just took the bottle weakly in one hand and sipped at it gingerly while Jess sat the tray aside.

“Can I get you anything? Another blanket? Some crackers? A Special Agent in shining armor?” 

Lena, even as out of it as she was, looked at Jess sharply. “Come again?” 

“I mean, I don’t blame you, trust me. I’d stare at her, too, if I were so inclined. Like...I stare at her sometimes even though I’m not, so.” 

Lena relaxed and turned her attention back to her Gatorade as she leaned back into the headboard. “Mm, well. No reason not to look.” Lena said so casually that even she was sure it was convincing. 

“That’s the spirit.” Jess beamed from her chair and reached out to pat Lena on the leg just in time to hear the door in the main sitting area open. Jess leaned back and looked through the room to find Kara hovering near the door holding a small bag, and Lena found the smirk on Jess’s face when she turned back to look at her at least slightly amusing. Which was a small victory, all things considered. 

“Speak of the devil.” Jess quipped as she got up and moved the chair back to where it had been before she dragged it over. 

“Jess, please.” Lena groaned weakly from the bed, and Jess sighed in response. 

“Alright, alright. I’ll stop bothering you. Get some rest for once.” 

“I will.” Lena breathed as she rolled onto her stomach and pressed her face into her pillow. 

She nearly dozed off even before Kara had a chance to let Jess out and make it into her bedroom. 

“What’s up with Jess?” Kara asked idly while she made her way around the bedroom - picking up a few things and sliding the curtains that opened out into the garden shut to block out the sun. “The whole ‘speak of the devil’ thing?” 

Lena hummed into her pillow and shrugged as Kara finished what she was doing and moved to sit on the edge of the bed. 

“I have your medicine.” Kara murmured, and amidst the rustling of the bag being opened - Lena finally turned back onto her back and looked up to find Kara with her jacket off and the sleeves of her dress shirt rolled up. It might have been an attractive sight if Lena had the energy to find anything attractive right then. 

She held out her hand and Kara dropped a dose off something into it, and for the first time, Lena realized Kara’s expression was off. She was used to the warm, confident Kara she got in private, or the impassive, unreadable Kara that existed outside of those moments they shared. 

It made her a little less reluctant to down the medicine. A little less reluctant to bother her, not that she even understood why she was worried about that. The fever must’ve really been getting to her. 

“You seem upset.” Lena finally remarked when Kara reached for her now mostly-empty Gatorade bottle. 

“Worried.” Kara corrected quietly, placing the bottle on the bedside table and following the path Lena’s hand took on the way to wrap around her forearm. 

“It’s just the flu,” Lena murmured, her brow furrowed as she gave Kara’s arm a weak tug to get her attention. “I’ve survived it before, I’m sure I will this time. You and Jess are gonna catch it, too, sticking around here.”

“I’m not going to catch it.” Kara said as she slowly turned her hand over in response to Lena’s coaxing. She watched as Lena traced the lines of her palm with her fingertips. 

“I get that you’re basically something out of a James Bond movie, but can we not pretend that you’re immune to the flu?” Lena’s voice was teasing beneath the slight rasp of it, and Kara smiled - but it wasn’t her usual smile. It was sad, almost. Thoughtful. 

“I don’t get sick,” Kara explained with a faint shrug. She wondered if Lena would take that in the abstract, or in a more literal way a little bit too late to do anything about it. “Make room. Nobody’s going to bother you today except maybe Alex.” 

Lena scooched herself over with a quiet groan, and Kara slipped her holster off her shoulders to lay it on the end table carefully. 

“What are you going to do if Alex comes?” Lena asked, only half-caring about the answer as Kara stretched out along the bed beside her. 

“It doesn’t matter,” Kara admitted, lifting a hand to stroke along Lena’s flushed face. “She knows.” 

Lena’s eyelids fluttered for a moment. Half in shock, half because she was fighting against sleep. “Did you tell her? You should’ve talked to me, first…” 

“She saw your lipstick on my shirt and got it off before I left,” Kara explained in a gentle tone. “She’s not going to tell anyone.” 

“How do you know?” Lena forced her eyes open again as Kara rested her cheek down against the pillow so they were sharing it, now. 

“I just know, Lena. She’s my sister.”

Lena’s eyes finally slipped shut, and Kara leaned in to brush her lips against her forehead. 

“Oh.” Lena breathed, as though it made all the sense in the world. Any other time, it likely wouldn’t have. Her own experience with siblings wasn’t exactly conducive to trust. 

“Get some rest. Give the medicine a chance to work. You know you have that address next week. The faster you get better, the more likely it is that you won’t miss it.” 

“I’m not missing it,” Lena mumbled adamantly. 

Kara let out a breathy, subdued laugh at the fact that Lena had managed to make a mumble sound adamant. 

“Get some rest, then,” Kara chided as Lena rolled onto her side to face her and pressed close to her chest. Luckily, most of her makeup was gone on various tissues by now. 

It took a few days for Lena to be fully functional, but she spent those days fulfilling as many of her duties as she could manage. With Kara’s help, more often than not. 

Alex was in and out, too. It was almost a relief that she knew. Mostly because Kara didn’t have to jerk away from her anymore in her sister’s presence. And they saw a lot of Alex the next few days, so that was a definite positive. 

Something else Lena had to come to terms with was the fact that she very much enjoyed Kara’s presence when sex was off the table. She enjoyed her little jokes. She even enjoyed her nagging. 

By the end of it, when things slowly returned to normal, it felt a lot like that plane ride home from the cabin had. A ‘the honeymoon is over’ type of situation. A situation that had them both thinking a little harder about the promises they’d made to each other. About the waiting. 

Hell, Kara was even starting to entertain thoughts of how she was going to survive when Lena won her second term. Because she didn’t even question that, even if Lena did. Even if Lena questioned herself more often than not. 

They both had other things to focus on, though. Thankfully. 

Maybe that was the bright side of things finally returning to normal following the vacation and the resulting series of “sick” days, most of which Lena had worked through, anyway. 

Lena had a very important speech for a very important address to prepare, and Kara, well. Kara had to spend the next few days losing her mind over the security details and briefings regarding that very same address. 

Because Lena’s pro-alien stance was wildly popular among the majority. Celebrated, even. 

But those weren’t the people Kara needed to worry about. 

Kara needed to worry about the minority. 

At least they had their near-nightly visits to keep them somewhat sane through it all. Those nightly visits weren’t always sex, now. Some nights, they just laid down together. Some nights, Lena just sat in Kara’s lap on the sofa so that Kara could kiss her and stroke through her hair. 

But god, the nights had begun to feel shorter lately. For both of them.


	12. Left Unsaid

Kara almost always felt relieved after a successful detail. Almost always.

She wasn’t sure why this time felt different as she adjusted the lapels of her suit and followed Lena through the heavy maroon curtains towards the back exit of the venue. 

Lena’s words still rang in her mind. Fierce, stalwart words regarding the protection of Alien privacy and rights in the workplace. The bill she’d proposed months ago was a big deal. It had echoed throughout the country and throughout the world. It was groundbreaking.

It was dangerous.

Maybe that’s why Kara was listening even harder than she usually did. Maybe that’s why the hairs on her arms were lifting and catching against her stiff dress shirt beneath her jacket as she moved closer to Lena when they finally hit the back door that led to the blocked-off street and to safety from the throng of people who had, effectively, made this side of town more of a celebration than a functioning city. 

The shouting and commotion had Kara struggling to focus on any one sound. On any one possible threat. That, combined with the rest of her detail in the comm in one of her ears had her opening herself up so much that she feared she might lose her hearing, entirely. 

“All clear for Halcyon. Transport ready.” 

Kara let out a little sigh of relief as she rested a hand against Lena’s back and guided her out from under the awning they’d been waiting in and towards the convoy of blacked-out cars that were waiting. One to carry Lena - three to distract. 

Kara knew just which one they were headed for. 

“Let’s go, Lena,” She urged near Lena’s ear.

They’d made it halfway to the car when a sudden commotion near the guard rails drew Kara’s attention away. 

Her brow furrowed when she saw one of her agents struggling with someone who had broken through and only made it a few feet into their perimeter before being stopped. 

She gave Lena a gentle push to keep her heading for the car as she stood between the would-be approacher and the car Lena was headed for just in case. Another agent took her place at Lena’s side in an easy, practiced move - escorting Lena the rest of the way while Kara continued assuring the situation was being handled. 

That’s when it hit her. A strange, quiet sound. Something soft and indiscernible beneath the raucous atmosphere that had followed the briefing. Continuous. Rhythmic. 

Kara held her breath and lowered her eyes to the ground as she honed in on the noise coming from somewhere very nearby. 

_Very_ nearby. 

A timer. 

“Lena!” 

In her sudden flood of fear, Kara had forgotten any and all code words. Any and all protocol regarding Lena’s name. 

She turned just as the timer ticked one last time, and everything around her seemed to slow to a stop as Lena turned her head sharply in Kara’s direction, her eyes wide and full of fear. 

“Down! Get her-” The other agent didn’t even have time to respond to Kara’s order, and Kara knew it. 

So, when the blast hit, Lena found herself suddenly and inexplicably covered by the weight of Kara’s body pressing her own down into the pavement. Kara, who had been so far away just a moment ago. 

Kara, whose body jerked hard down into her own when the first shockwave washed over them. 

She made the most terrible noise against Lena’s still-ringing ears. 

A strangled scream mixed with a grunt of pain as the air around them filled quickly and utterly with thick, green, acrid smoke. 

Kara was dazed at first. 

She wasn’t used to feeling pain. Oh, she’d trained for it, sure. She’d even been injured a time or two by some clever foes. 

But this. 

Breathing in thick gulps of the only thing that could really hurt her. Feeling it burn into her flesh through the shrapnel that had torn through her suit jacket. 

Kryptonite. 

What else? Kara didn’t know. She only knew that she had to move. 

So she did. She dragged Lena forward underneath herself and used her vision to look through the smoke no one else could see through to find the body of the agent who’d been nearest to Lena.

She didn’t have time to consider him. She only had time to reach into his jacket pocket with a violently trembling hand to pull out a collapsible mask most agents kept inside their jacket. A mask that Kara didn’t need. Usually. 

She pressed it over Lena’s face. “Hold this tight.” 

Lena did exactly as she was told, and with every ounce of strength she still had in her - Kara lifted her from the ground and rushed for the waiting, open door of the car. 

Lena suffered quite a few more bruises when Kara loaded her into the car and landed on top of her with much less purpose than she had before, and as soon as she’d shut the door, she managed to groan into the comm in her ear. 

“Halcyon secure. Move.” 

It had all happened so fast. Yet it seemed to Lena like it had taken an eternity for the car to start moving. For the filtration systems to kick in and the tears in her irritated eyes to begin to clear. 

She was still a little out of it when she finally turned her head towards Kara to find her...utterly still. 

“Kara?” 

Lena’s voice was trembling. The fear that had already gripped her compounded tenfold, then. 

She slid her arms around Kara’s back in an attempt to lift them and gasped sharply when she felt the warm, wet heat of blood seeping through the tattered back of Kara’s jacket. 

“Kara!” 

Lena rolled her off of herself and Kara let out a shuddering groan when her back met the floor of the car. 

“I’m sorry. Oh God, I’m sorry, Kara. Fuck. Fuck.” Lena was almost sobbing as she looked down at her hands to find them covered in angry, bright crimson. 

“What do I do?” Lena asked in an urgent whisper as she touched everywhere she could reach on Kara. 

“What they tell you to do,” Kara managed to whisper, managing to open her eyes just enough to see Lena’s face. Her scuffed cheek. The tears streaking through the dust on her skin. “I’m so sorry.” 

“Kara, don’t say that,” Lena gasped as she reached for Kara’s face and cradled it in her hands. Perhaps for the first time, she noticed faint green, sickly lines where the capillaries ran beneath her skin. “Kara, please.” 

Kara’s eyes slipped shut then and Lena looked around frantically as she pulled Kara’s head into her lap. 

“Help!” Lena’s voice was hoarse as the car just kept speeding along as it had been. No regard for Kara or for the agent probably still lying on the ground at the venue. “Please!” 

Lena was screaming, now. Angrily. Bitterly, as she lifted a hand to bang on the bullet-proof partition between her in the driver. 

No response. 

They were just driving. 

“Fuck you!” Lena shouted at the driver as she began rocking for lack of anything else to do. “_Fuck_ you!”

Lena had shouted and cried herself into a trembling, half-aware mess by the time they were pulling into an underground garage at the White House she’d forgotten the existence of. 

She only loosely recognized a few faces when the door was opened and Kara was pulled away from her. She struggled, then. She fought weakly against those that were trying to take her away.

“Lena, please,” 

Her bleary eyes darted up to land on Alex, then. Alex, who looked about as pale as a sheet. 

“Let me help her.” 

Lena nodded weakly and finally released her grip on Kara’s jacket. 

She watched her for as long as she could while other agents and medical staff led her away. 

Kara looked so small being put on the stretcher they’d brought out. She looked small, at least, until Lena lost consciousness entirely. Until the combination of shock, grief, and what was probably a rather impressive concussion finally got the better of her. 

When she woke, it would be in her own bed with a fresh bandage on the scrape on her face. Superficial, the nurse looking after her reassured her. Wouldn’t even scar. 

Lena didn’t care. God, she didn’t give a fuck about scars right then. 

All she cared about was getting to Kara. 

Yet, when she tried to get up - the nurse placed a gentle hand on her shoulder just when her head began to spin and she urged her back down. 

“You need to rest, Ma’am,” 

“No,” Lena argued as she nudged the offending hand away and moved to the edge of the bed. “No, where is Agent Danvers? I need to see Agent Danvers.” 

“I don’t know, Ma’am. My only concern right now is your well-being,” The nurse explained in a tone that was both gentle and grating all at once. 

“Well then I need you to check for me or I’m going to get out of this bed and look until I pass out and there’s nothing you can do about it. Understand?” Lena had never been harsh with her staff. Ever. She treated them like gold, and she had a wonderful reputation around the White House. Maybe that’s why the nurse looked at her with such understanding and sympathy even after the way she’d just been spoken to. 

“Will you rest if I do that?” She asked with a furrow between her brows as Lena looked at her sharply for a moment before laying back down. 

“Yes,” She lied, rather convincingly.

The nurse sighed and fixed her pillows from where she’d messed them up in her graceless attempt at getting up, and made her way towards the door. 

Lena was out of bed and finding her footing not even a minute after the nurse was out of sight. 

It was night time. That much she knew. So it’d been at least a couple of hours since the attack. Or whatever it’d been. The nurse would’ve known, right? If Kara hadn’t…

No. Kara made it. She had to have made it. 

Even the thought of the alternative had Lena throwing her robe over her shoulders and dashing down the halls quickly, much to the alarm of the various agents posted here and there. Heightened security. 

Lena should’ve known.

Yet, she was a veritable force as she stalked towards the medical wing. Unrelenting. Unapologetic. 

Unfortunately, Lena soon found out what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. 

That immovable object just happened to be Alex - catching her as she swayed on her feet after a rather rough impact that had Lena grunting and Alex sighing heavily. 

“You should be in bed. The entire floor is in a panic trying to figure out how to control this situation, and you aren’t making it any better.” 

Lena almost apologized when she saw the look of exhaustion on Alex’s face. The lines of worry etched by her eyes and in her forehead. 

“Nobody will tell me how Kara is,” She said instead, her voice a whisper - her eyes pleading. “Nobody will tell me what’s going on.” 

Alex looked at Lena closely for a moment as she gripped her upper arms firmly to keep her still and to keep her on her feet. 

“I’m sure someone was going to brief you, Lena. Had you just stayed in bed like I advised the medical team to have you do. I wasn’t looking forward to having to fire someone today on top of everything else, but-”

“Don’t fire anyone, Alex,” Lena breathed as she slowly shrugged out of Alex’s grip. “I tricked her into leaving so I could find out what was going on, myself.” 

“How presidential of you,” Alex spat out, clearly frustrated. Clearly hurting. 

But Lena looked so wounded that Alex regretted what she’d said as soon as it left her lips. 

“I’m sorry,” Alex sighed, and Lena nodded faintly. “I know you’re worried. I know you’re confused. I just...we don’t need to have this conversation in the hallway.” 

Alex glanced over Lena’s shoulder at a swiftly approaching agent, and she held a hand up to stop him. 

“I need to look her over. I’ll bring her back to her rooms when I’m done,” Alex said simply, and he stopped in his tracks. Being the Presidential Doctor had its perks, after all. “Let the rest of the detail know.”

“Sure, Doc. I, uh...I think she might’ve bumped her head a little harder than we thought. You might wanna take a look at it.” 

“I’ll be sure to,” Alex offered with a little half-smile, and the agent meandered for a while longer. 

Alex didn’t offer him any information, despite the fact that she knew everyone who worked under Kara was really having a time. It wasn’t her call. None of this was her call, really. But she couldn’t leave Lena out in the cold for much longer. She didn’t have it in her. 

Lena followed Alex down the hall. Then, down a corridor. That’s when they reached passageways even Lena wasn’t familiar with. And then rooms beyond that that were as out of place in the White House as anything Lena could ever have imagined. 

When yet another automated door slid shut behind them, Alex finally turned to face her, and she looked as lost as she was worried now. 

“Alex...where are we?” 

“That’s not important,” Alex responded quietly, finally letting her mask fall away. The circles under her eyes looked darker under the fluorescent lights that were casting their steady glow down over them. “What’s important is the fact that Kara is in the next room, and that she’s...fighting.” 

“Fighting?” Lena asked as she took a step closer to Alex. She didn’t care about the fact that her voice broke on the word. 

“Yes,” Alex responded with a sigh. “She’s fighting as hard as she can. We’ve managed to flush a great deal of Kryptonite from her system. She’s got every sun lamp we have on her. And she’s fighting.” 

“That’s what was in the bomb?” Lena asked breathlessly, her mind still working a million miles a minute trying to keep up. “Kryptonite?” 

Alex nodded faintly. It was more of a surrender than a nod, all things told. 

“She’s not human,” Lena whispered as her face fell and her eyes widened. The shock washed over her so fast and so hard that it took her breath away for a moment. “She’s Kyryptonian.” 

“Yeah,” Alex whispered as she looked away, too. “That’s why she does what she does. Why she is what she is. Why she’s so good at it.” 

“That explains a lot,” Lena whispered, trying her best to speak coherently past the soreness in her throat. “Please let me see her. Please.” 

“Okay,” Alex agreed more easily than Lena had expected, and Lena shuffled behind her into yet another secret room. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Kara laying there, half-covered beneath a sheet - surrounded by so many lamps it was almost blinding at first. 

But even if those lights had blinded her - even if they’d burned the very skin off her bones - Lena still would’ve jogged to side of her bed and reached quickly for her hand. 

“I don’t know if she can hear you,” Alex explained quietly as she glanced at a few monitors quickly and then looked back down at Kara. “She’s been stable for the past hour or so. That’s a good sign.” 

Lena nodded weakly, and cleared her throat as tears danced in her eyes without falling. 

“She’s trying,” Alex continued, her voice a little softer as she reached across Kara’s bed to give Lena’s shoulder a gentle squeeze. 

“Yeah,” Lena gasped with a weak smile, and Alex nodded. 

“I’ll give you a few, yeah?” 

Lena nodded again. Words were quickly becoming a thing she was no longer capable of. 

The moment she heard the door slide shut behind her, the first sob broke past her throat. Followed by an uncontrollable bout of them as she leaned down against Kara’s chest and buried her face against it for a while. At least hearing her heartbeat was a bit of a comfort. As much of one as she was able to find, right then. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Lena finally asked in a broken whimper. “Why? I trusted you, Kara.”

Kara didn’t respond, of course. She couldn’t. No matter how hard Lena held her hand. No matter how bitterly she cried. 

Until, finally, she cried herself out and slowly pushed herself away from Kara’s chest to find the wet spot her tears had left on her hospital gown. 

After a while, she reached out and cradled Kara’s cheek. It was almost alarmingly warm. 

“I need you,” Lena said - her voice raw and broken. “Please. Please, come back to me. I...I love you.” 

Lena imagined it would be like the movies. That she would confess her love and Kara’s eyes would flutter open and the corners of her lips would turn up in that precious, warm smile of hers. 

But this wasn’t a movie. And the only response she got was the steady beeping of the various monitors surrounding them. 

The door slid open behind her, and she turned to find Alex approaching her slowly. 

“You really should be resting,” Alex said quietly. “I’m not going anywhere until she wakes up, don’t worry. You’ll be the first to know. But you can’t stay down here with us. You know that. You kicked an anthill running from your room earlier.”

“Yeah. And you saved my ass,” Lena finished for her with a quiet sigh. “I’ll go. But Alex, please...I...please fix her.” 

Alex nodded. “I’m trying. We’re trying. Trust me.” 

“I do,” Lena glanced one more time at Kara, and then slowly let go of her hand so she could follow Alex out of the room. It felt like she was leaving everything she had left in her behind. Including what little strength she’d somehow found to make it here. 

Thankfully, the presence of everyone walking past them had her feeling a little steadier. Mostly because she didn’t have a choice. She was still the president. Even if she would’ve thrown it all away without a second thought right now if it meant Kara would just be okay, again. 

So, she returned to bed. She sucked it up and apologized to the nurse who’d been assigned to sit with her. A nurse who got a glare from Alex, but nothing more serious than that. 

“I’m going to give you something to help you relax,” Alex said as she cut her eyes in the direction of the nurse. “Because you need to get some sleep.” 

“Another nurse will be by shortly,” Alex continued as Lena removed her robe and climbed stiffly back into bed. She was really starting to feel all those bruises, now, and Alex noticed her wince despite how she tried to hide it. “She’ll have something for the pain, too.” 

“I’ll make sure she stays put this time,” The attending nurse said as Alex notated a few things on Lena’s chart before slipping her little tablet back into the front pocket of her coat. 

“I sure hope so,” Alex responded before turning her back on both of them and leaving rather quickly. No doubt in a hurry to get back to her sister.

Lena didn’t blame her.

She’d be right there with her if she could be. 

There were just too many things in her way.

Not the least of which were the pounding in her head and the throbbing ache that had her curling into herself in bed and the nurse doing some very undesired worrying over her. 

Lena didn’t want that. She didn’t want the pills that came soon thereafter. She didn’t want sleep to take her the way it did even sooner after that. 

All she wanted was Kara.


	13. Awakening

Lena would’ve been lying if she’d said she was feeling herself. She was still sore. She still had a lingering headache. 

But the aftermath of an assassination attempt was something she most certainly had to deal with. Even if her heart wasn’t in it. Even if her heart was down a few secret corridors where Kara still hadn’t regained consciousness. 

The worst part, maybe, was the fact that nobody knew. Nobody knew how terribly she was suffering. How much she hated every moment of every day that wasn’t spent in that room. Especially today.

Today, when she’d finally had to address the press - an all-day ordeal that left her more exhausted than she could’ve prepared herself for by the time she was back in her rooms. 

But it was important to present a brave face. An unwavering face. She had a country to lead. 

It didn’t matter that her heart was broken in a million different ways. 

She was so exhausted when she got back to her rooms that she almost forgot to thank her security detail. The agent that had trained so closely with her and Kara. Not the one that’d died in the attack, obviously. That was something Lena could scarcely bear to think about. 

She let out a shuddering breath when the doors shut, and she made a beeline for her bathroom. She was so laser-focused on escaping she didn’t notice Alex sitting in one of the armchairs near the door until she’d almost walked past her. 

But god, when she did notice her - a look of anguish fell across her features. 

One that was so clear and so intense, Alex stood quickly and reached for Lena’s hand to give it a quick, reassuring squeeze. 

“Tell me this isn’t...Alex…” 

“No,” Alex responded with a weak, exhausted smile. “No, Lena, it isn’t. She’s awake. She’s been awake since this afternoon. She’s been debriefed and had higher-ups in and out of her room all day. At least, until I finally managed to chase them off. She’s fine, Lena. She’s going to be just fine. But she won’t stop asking for you - so I came to wait for you the minute I got word you’d be on your way back.” 

Lena nearly collapsed. In fact, her knees went weak enough for a moment that Alex had to grip her by the elbows to keep her upright. 

“I have to see her,” Lena murmured urgently, steeling herself against the shakiness threatening to take over her limbs and turning right back around for the door. 

“That’s the plan,” Alex said as she followed Lena quickly. “But I need you not to run. This is just supposed to be me giving you a checkup and taking you down for another scan.” 

Lena paused at the door and drew in as deep a breath as she could manage. Her wits. She needed her wits about her. She couldn’t risk running off, again. The concussion had been a decent enough excuse last time. She wouldn’t have one this time. 

“I understand,” Lena said evenly as Alex came to a stop beside her. “Will you give me a few moments alone with her?” 

“I can give you like an hour, actually. If that works,” Alex responded, reaching out to hold onto the handle of the door when it seemed Lena was about to attempt to open it. “Please don’t be too hard on her. She...she’s under so many restrictions. And she’s still in a bit of pain, though I’m sure she wouldn’t admit to it.” 

“She’s good at not admitting to things,” Lena responded quietly, her eyes trained on Alex’s beseeching expression. 

Alex nodded and slowly released her hold on the doorknob. “I get it. And it wasn’t my place to say anything.”

Lena bit her tongue, then. She held back any of the countless stinging retorts she might’ve had. Alex didn’t deserve them. Alex hadn’t done this. And besides, Lena wasn’t entirely sure exactly how she felt about it all. It was a lot to process. 

“Thank you, Alex. For arranging this. I’m sorry I’ve been so short with you. I know we all have our roles to play. Our secrets to keep. I understand that. I promise.” 

Alex sighed and nodded, and with that - she followed Lena out the door and walked beside her, both of them with one, singular goal in mind. Getting back to Kara. 

For different reasons, sure. Alex just wanted to get Lena to her sister, because that seemed to be what she needed more than anything, right then.

And Lena? Well. Lena wasn’t sure what her goal was. Her emotions were nothing short of roiling in the maelstrom of her mind. 

She did well on the walk. She really did. Yet, something about finally winding up on Kara’s hallway had her shaken to her very core to the point where she had to slide her hands into the pockets of her slacks so Alex wouldn’t notice how they were trembling. 

“An hour?” Lena asked once they were standing outside of Kara’s door. 

“An hour,” Alex reassured her - trying not to sound or look worried.

If she’d failed, Lena didn’t give it away. She just touched along the handle of the door for just a moment - unaware that Kara was staring at her through it. Watching her every move. Listening to her heartbeat, despite the fact that the use of her powers was still nothing short of excruciating. 

But Kara couldn’t do much aside from the looking. The listening. And the worrying. Oh, she’d worried. 

All day long, as she received bad news on top of bad news, she’d worried. Worried that Lena would be done with this. Worried that Lena wasn’t as okay, physically, as Alex had told her she was about a dozen times today - each and every time she’d asked in between unwanted, exhausting visits from fellow agents and higher-ups regarding what’d happened. 

Lena, on the other hand, didn’t look at her right away after she slipped inside and shut the door. Alex had assured Lena she had something else to do. Whether or not that was really the case, Lena didn’t much care. 

She was far too focused on the fact that when she finally looked across the room - her brows furrowed and her breath already catching in her throat - Kara was looking back at her. 

Lena was struck by just how scared she looked. Just how strangely, alarmingly small - swallowed up in a thick sweater and hospital blankets. 

“Lena?” Kara’s voice was hoarse. Quiet. Almost achingly unsure. 

Lena wasn’t frozen in place anymore, then. No, she was moving towards the bed in response to a sight and a sound that felt almost too good to be true. 

“I’m here,” Lena responded softly, her lower lip trembling as she reached for one of Kara’s hands and took it into her own. “I wanted so terribly to be here when you woke up.” 

Lena’s voice was a whisper, and it left her entirely when Kara tried to sit up and leaned back into the bed with a muffled noise that sounded almost like a whimper.

Lena’s eyes darted to the door, and she began to pull away. “I’ll get Alex, just-”

“No, no…” Kara sighed as she tightened her grip on Lena’s hand with what little strength she’d regained. “Stay. The pain stuff doesn’t work on me. I just want you here.” 

Lena was sorry to hear that for more than one reason. She absolutely didn’t want Kara to be in pain. She was also having an incredibly difficult time being here, considering this was all she’d wanted for days. 

Perhaps sensing that, Kara loosened her grip on Lena’s hand to give her a chance to let go. 

“I’m sorry, Lena,” Kara whispered, and it only reminded Lena of Kara’s last apology. An apology that had come when she’d had Kara’s blood slicking her skin and heard each breath the other woman took rattle in her chest. 

“I know you are,” Lena responded quickly, shifting her glassy-eyed gaze away from Kara. “You...I thought I was losing you. I just. I thought I was losing you, and then Alex told me what was going on, and then...and then you wouldn’t wake up. I just wanted you to be okay. And now that you are, I’ve never been more furious. If I’d known - I could’ve done something differently. I could’ve made sure you were more protected.”

“I was doing my job,” Kara explained quickly in an effort to bring this all to a halt. In an effort to stop this getting any worse. Maybe it was selfish. She didn’t care, right now, though. For once - she didn’t care. “In not telling you, and in all the things I did that day to keep you safe. I was doing my job.” 

Lena let Kara’s hand slip from her own, then, and she took a step back as she rolled her shoulders and crossed her arms over her stomach. “I can’t do this again, Kara. I can’t handle the fact that ‘just doing your job’ might entail my losing you because you had to sacrifice yourself for me.” 

Kara was quiet for a while as she ached to reach for Lena’s hand yet stopped herself. 

“What are you saying?” She asked in a whisper, and when Lena looked down at her the worry Kara was feeling was written all over her face. 

“I don’t know,” Lena breathed heavily. “I really don’t know.” 

“You said you loved me,” Kara said suddenly - the words spilling out of her mouth without thought before she could stop them. “When...when I was out. You said you loved me and I...I know it wasn’t a dream. I know it wasn’t. Did you mean it? Do you still?” 

Lena was frozen, then. Shocked for a million different reasons. Shocked that Kara had heard her. Shocked that that’s what Kara had chosen to bring up, right now. 

Mostly, she was shocked at the fact that she couldn’t seem to get her story straight enough in her head to answer her. 

There were so many things she could’ve said. She could’ve told Kara she was just hoping it would pull her out of it. She could’ve told Kara it was just instinctive. 

Yet, she just couldn’t. She didn’t have it in her to lie. Not about this. 

Kara had already started to turn her head away when Lena whispered a quick, breathless ‘yes’ under her breath. 

A yes that trembled slightly on its way out and drew Kara’s attention back to her so fast that Lena couldn’t do much about Kara seeing the tears that had slipped down her cheeks. 

This time, Kara didn’t stop herself from reaching out for Lena. And Lena didn’t pull away. On the contrary, she let Kara pull her in close until she was leaning over her and Kara’s arms were slipping around her back. 

“I won’t leave you,” Kara murmured against Lena’s shoulder. “I can’t leave you.” 

“How do you know that?” Lena asked as her fingers tangled in Kara’s hair so that Kara wouldn’t pull away - as though that were a thought that would’ve even crossed her mind, right then. 

“Because I just know,” Kara said simply, sliding one of her hands from Lena’s back to reach towards the little bandage on her cheek. Lena stopped her from touching it with a gentle grip of her hand and a shake of her head. 

“I’m fine,” Lena reassured quietly. “You nearly died and you’re worried about a little scrape…” 

“S’my job,” Kara murmured as Lena let out a long, shuddering sigh that was muffled where she’d pressed her face against Kara’s neck. “And...I know because we apprehended Lex this morning. He’s still being questioned, but...well. We were already all over him before this.”

Lena gasped and pulled back even while Kara was still explaining, and she looked so shocked and so hurt that Kara instantly regretted telling her. 

“Lena, it’s...I’m...I’m sorry I had to t-”

“Why didn’t I hear about this?” Lena demanded in a whisper that bordered on a hiss. “More secrets? More complete and utter bullshit about how things that _directly_ involve me are being kept from me for my _safety_?” 

“Because the last thing we need is for any of this to make you look bad,” Kara responded with a beseeching furrow between her brows. “We don’t want you implicated. You _had_ to not know.” 

“Did...did you know that this attack was going to occur?” Lena asked, balling her fists tightly without even realizing it. 

“No!” Kara almost shouted as she tried, again, to get up and failed with a breathy groan of discomfort and frustration. “No, of course not. I would never let anything happen to you...I...I mean, I tried. I tried not to let anything happen to you.” 

Lena felt guilt wash over her in a wave so high it threatened to drown her. She’d never heard Kara so upset - and it wasn’t the pain or the near-death experience that did it. It was Lena implying what she’d just implied. 

“I’m sorry,” Lena apologized almost inaudibly and then turned so she could sit on the edge of Kara’s bed. 

Her head was killing her again, and the fatigue hadn’t really gotten any better. 

Kara’s warm hand moving to stroke along her side was more of a comfort than it had any right to be. 

“I’m sorry, too,” Kara responded, and Lena knew they weren’t apologizing for the same things. 

“Okay. So. My brother tried to kill me and the woman I’ve just admitted to being in love with is an alien.” 

“Find out more next week on-”

“Kara, this isn’t funny,” Lena’s voice was chiding and sharp. 

“Then why are you smiling?” Kara asked with a little smile of her own as she moved her hand slowly from Lena’s side to her chest, pressing her palm over Lena’s heart gently. “Will you lay with me?” 

Lena couldn’t think of anything she wanted more right then despite everything, and she only nodded her response as she maneuvered herself onto the slightly cramped bed next to Kara, who did her best to make enough room for her. 

Lena felt a lot better once she was wrapped in the warmth of Kara’s arms. She didn’t much care if Alex walked in, and she trusted that no one else would come. She had no choice, really, but to trust that. 

“We’re going to figure this out,” Kara sounded half-asleep when she spoke. Lena wasn’t used to that. She was used to Kara always being about a dozen times more energized and awake than her. 

“Which part?” Lena asked with a weak, half-hearted laugh. 

“Every part,” Kara responded with a shrug that nudged Lena’s cheek against her shoulder. “The attack. Your brother. ...Us.” 

Lena appreciated Kara’s optimism. She really did. But she just couldn’t force her mind to work in a way that would encompass all of that right then. 

“Just rest,” Lena murmured, her jaw setting hard for a moment as she reached for Kara’s hand and twined their fingers together against the solid expanse of her stomach over the blankets. “We still have some time. Just rest with me.” 

“I just want you to forgive me,” Kara responded, ignoring the fact that Lena hadn’t at all asked her what she wanted. 

Lena’s eyes shut and she turned her face towards Kara’s inner arm to buy herself a little time. Kara might’ve been exhausted, but she was no less intuitive - much to Lena’s chagrin. 

“You don't have to right now. I understand. Just...I just want to know that it’s a possibility someday.” 

Lena hated that Kara felt the need to backtrack the way she had. She was also tired of feeling guilty, as though the guilt of Kara winding up in a coma for her wasn’t enough to last her more than a lifetime or two. 

“Please just rest…” Lena murmured, also hating the way her voice broke when she spoke. “I need a little more time before we have that conversation. But before you ask again, yes. Yes, my goal is to work through this. I don’t think it could be argued that there’s a more suitable partner than someone who would...do what you did. And I have a strong, detestable feeling you’d do it regardless of whether or not it was your job-”

“I would.” 

Lena sighed heavily and rolled her eyes as she reached up to press a hand over Kara’s mouth. “That’s absolutely enough out of you. I’ve never been more serious in my life.” 

“I find that hard to believe,” Kara mumbled against Lena’s hand before she reached up to take it into her own. Lena was just about to think of some stinging retort when Kara pressed a kiss against her palm that felt almost hesitant. 

Lena had almost forgotten in the midst of all of this that kissing Kara was a thing that she could do. But the moment she remembered, she shifted her hand away from Kara’s mouth and turned her head with her fingertips against her jaw so that she could look into her eyes. 

“We’ll work this out?” Lena asked as she brushed her thumb across Kara’s lower lip. 

“I promise,” Kara responded, holding Lena’s gaze as she attempted to kiss the pad of her thumb when it passed by. 

Lena didn’t care that that was a ridiculous promise to make. Not when Kara was looking at her so earnestly. Not when she knew Kara believed what she was saying wholeheartedly. 

When she finally pressed their lips together, Lena meant for it to be shallow and soft. It became clear Kara didn’t share that goal when she wrapped an arm around her in an attempt to pull her closer. 

Lena gave in for a while. Until she finally exhaled sharply and pulled back to press a few light kisses against Kara’s cheek. 

“Easy,” Lena whispered as Kara loosened her grip. “I’m sure the light-duty you’re probably on doesn’t entail hospital bed make-out sessions.” 

Kara murmured something inaudible. It might’ve been an argument, but it was a half-hearted one at best as Lena settled back down against her only to find Kara brushing her nose against her hair. 

“I love you, too, Lena.” 

Lena swallowed thickly at the sudden, unbidden lump that had formed in her throat. She hoped Kara wasn’t expecting an answer beyond a quiet hum of appreciation because that was about all she could manage. 

Kara didn’t seem to mind, though. She was asleep long before Alex ever came back. 

Lena used that blissful span of silence to listen to the slow, steady sound of Kara’s breaths. 

She couldn’t remember ever having been so thankful to hear someone breathe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to get this out today after the news about the show. Take care of yourselves, friends. Imma keep right on writing them. <3


	14. A State Visit

Lena let out a trembling breath just before the cell door slid open. Even as prepared as she'd believed herself to be, seeing her brother in prison garb was jarring enough that she stood across the room from the glass barrier that would separate them long enough for Lex to raise a brow in her direction.

She steeled herself and walked over to take a seat on the chair opposite his own. They were so close now, yet so far apart. 

“Hey, Sis. What's up?” Lex sounded like he always did. It was as infuriating to Lena as it was confounding.

“You tried to kill me and the first thing you can think to say to me is 'what's up’?” She asked incredulously while somehow managing to keep her voice low and even.

Lex rolled his eyes and Lena nearly demanded the barrier be removed.

“Don't be ridiculous, Lena,” he chided with genuine irritation in his voice. “I would never hurt you. Well. Aside from the scraped cheek, which was unintentional.”

“Then I don't understand and I demand an explanation,” Lena responded quietly. The type of quiet that was almost scary. 

“I'm a little disappointed you haven't figured it out yet, honestly,” Lex meandered with a sigh and a shrug. “But all right. Not like it matters now. I'll start from the beginning, yeah?”

“Sure,” Lena offered despite how sick she was currently feeling.

“Great. So, I knew your little girlfriend wasn't human. Or at least I had an inkling. That's the main reason I intruded upon your little vacation, really. Confirmation. Which I got, of course, because your Special Agent is ever so dutiful in her cause of protecting you. You were going to ruin me for the sake of misplaced righteousness, and I was going to show you exactly why the tech contract you ruined for me was necessary. You see, you had one of them next to you every day. Intimately. And you never knew. Do you know how dangerous that could've been? I provided you a service-”

“You nearly killed her,” Lena spat out, no longer willing to let him finish. “To prove a point. You- you ruined your life to prove a point. You threw it all away. _Why?_”

“I haven't thrown anything away, Lena. The last thing you want is for your government goons to pin this on your own brother. Don't tell me I'm wrong, because I'm not.” 

Lena sat there in silence for a moment. Seething. Boiling. Her hands trembled where they were hidden against her lap. 

“You are wrong, Lex,” She responded quietly. “You've never been so wrong in your life.”

For the first time, Lex’s expression faltered as he looked at Lena closer and noticed a nearly invisible earpiece in her ear. 

“Clever,” Lex’s voice dripped with venom. “But I highly doubt you plan on doing anything with this recording. I'm still your brother after all. It’d still look terrible. Not to mention you basically admitted to fucking your-”

“Don't you dare presume to know what I do behind closed doors or who I do it with, Lex,” Lena snapped in a tone so cold and harsh Lex actually leaned back away from the glass. “And I'm not the one recording. The agents outside are.”

Lex looked so genuinely betrayed, then. A look that only someone who had been grievously outplayed would wear. 

He stood and slammed his hands on the table and Lena didn't so much as flinched as she looked up at him, secure in the knowledge that he was utterly powerless.

“For years, you've ridden on the fact that you were the only person who ever showed me kindness, Lex. You've used that tether to your advantage far too many times, and when you saw what was happening you knew you might lose it. Isn't that right? Were you threatened by her? Would her loss have been a happy side-effect of your ridiculous scheming? Put you back in my good graces? Made me _need_ you, again?”

Lex was clenching his jaw so hard as he plopped back down on his seat Lena knew it must have hurt. Good. 

“This is treason, Lex.” Lena’s voice was almost a whisper as her brow furrowed. 

He watched helplessly as she removed the earpiece and flicked her thumb across the top of it to end the transmission, much to the alarm of the agents outside who were already scrambling to get to her.

“And I love her, in case you wanted to know,” she continued quietly as she leaned closer to the glass. “Because she loves me selflessly. Without motive. Without expectation. I don't need anyone, Lex. Not anymore. But I especially don't need you.”

Lena stood just as the cell door slammed open only for the agents piling in to falter when they saw Lena turning to make her way towards the door, s. 

She pressed her earpiece into the nearest one’s hand as she spoke. 

“We’re done here.”

////

Lena wasn't too self-aware by the time she made it back to the White House and got herself settled at her desk in her room. She wasn't too aware of anything, really. Her eyes were still stinging off and on. Her throat ached terribly. But she wouldn't let herself cry. There wasn't time for that. She was reviewing a dozen different scenarios her aides had provided her in regards to how all this would turn out.

She just couldn't focus, right now. Pretty much all she actually was capable of was beating herself up for being unproductive.

She wasn't surprised to hear a knock at her door followed by the sound of it opening. People had been in and out of here all day since Lex’s impromptu confession. 

Her eyes were still glued to the screen of her computer even as she felt the newcomer approaching. Maybe if she didn't make eye contact they would see her.

“Lena...I- I know you're busy. But I heard, and...I needed to be with you. I can go if you want me to.” Kara’s voice was still not quite as steady or strong as Lena was used to hearing it. She sounded almost timid. And when Lena turned to look at her she swallowed thickly at the sight of her in a loose pair of jeans and a sweater instead of her suit with her hair hanging in those painfully beautiful waves against shoulders that didn't look as broad or square as they normally did.

“That's the last thing I want,” Lena responded as she stood from her seat. “Please sit down. You still aren't well. You shouldn't have come,” Lena paused in that thought as she guided Kara towards the sofa nearby and helped her down onto it so she could sit with her. 

She took Kara’s hands in her own and leaned into her with her face against Kara’s shoulder in a way that muffled her next words, though Kara still heard them.

“I'm glad you did.”

“I'm sorry, Lena,” Kara murmured as she reached up to stroke over Lena’s hair despite how difficult the bun that it was pulled up into made that action. “About everything. I'm so sorry.”

“No, I am,” Lena countered quickly. “You nearly…”

She trailed off again. Her voice had broken slightly just before. “And it was my fault.” Those last words were more of a gasp than anything else. 

“No. No, let's not go there, okay? I put you in danger just by being what I am, and I should've been more careful. But there's no use in pointing fingers at ourselves, now. That's not why I'm here.”

“Then why are you here?” Lena asked as she clung to Kara’s hand until the other woman splayed her fingers and twined them with Lena’s. 

“Because you just lost your brother. Because everyone knows about us and it's getting too big to keep it under wraps, anymore.” Kara sounded so calm and accepting that Lena couldn't help but be affected by it.

“I can have you re-assigned,” Lena offered, and she felt her heart shattering at the mere thought.

“I resigned,” Kara said simply as she ran her thumb slowly across Lena’s knuckles.

Lena felt her world come to a screeching halt as a million thoughts and emotions assaulted her all at once. 

She pulled back with tears and confusion in her eyes. “Kara, this is your whole life. I-”

“I thought that, too,” Kara murmured as Lena tried to get over the hurt of Kara going to such lengths to get away from the mess that was Lena Luthor. She didn't fault her for it, but-

“Until I fell for you,” Kara continued after taking a breath. “Until you crept into every emptiness in me and filled it with something that mattered more than anything ever has before. So, I...I really hope you'll consider being with me. If not, I completely understand. Either way, it's too late to rescind my resignation. But I needed to know I could do it before I came to you. You told Lex you didn't need him anymore and that I love you without any ulterior motive, and that's true. And this is...this is me showing you that that's true.”

“I don't know what to say, Kara,” Lena whispered breathlessly as she looked away. “Fuck.”

“This,” Kara continued, and Lena registered a strange sound that she looked towards. A little ring box that had clicked open in Kara’s hand. “This is me showing you. And I'm hoping for a yes. I...fuck. I bought it a while ago. I just knew. I knew like I've never known anything before in my life.”

Lena stared at the ring silently. It was lovely. Understated. A simple white gold band with a single diamond in it. Lena loved it. 

“You don't have to marry me, Lena. But you can wear it. You can let it mean whatever you want it to mean. And I can still be close. I can still keep you safe. Because I don't know how to live in a world that you aren't a part of, anymore, and I don't want to.” 

“Kara, stop talking,” Lena whispered, visibly overwhelmed. Kara hadn't even realized just how badly Lena’s hands were trembling, she'd been so busy rambling. She had to bite back an apology as Lena drew in a slow breath to steady herself.

“I'll wear it. Of course, I'll wear it. But...but I do want to marry you. I'd only thought that was some far-off fantasy I'd been entertaining. I had no idea you felt this way.”

“I've told you how I feel,” Kara argued gently, and Lena sighed in defeat.

“I know you have, darling. But I just have a hard time believing.”

Kara looked into Lena’s eyes for a moment before she pulled the ring from the velvet lining of its box and slipped it gently onto Lena’s ring finger. Lena didn't even bother to try and work out how Kara knew her ring size. 

“Please believe this,” Kara said as she brushed her thumb against the ring now that it was settled into place. 

Lena leaned forward into Kara then to spend a few minutes wrapped in her arms. Arms that held her gladly and without question. Arms that she felt safe in, always. 

“From Special Agent to First Lady…” Lena remarked, sounding both dazed and emotional over the whole thing.

“We don't have to do this during your terms,” Kara offered, and Lena scoffed quietly.

“You really think I won't have the entire country see us dance at the next inaugural ball if I win?” Lena asked incredulously. 

Kara made a soft, amused sound in the back of her throat and pulled back just enough to press a soft kiss to Lena’s lips. 

“I'm not going anywhere,” Kara murmured into the kiss. “Not ever. You have me. All of me. I promise.” 

“I'll try to start feeling like that's something I deserve, then,” Lena said as Kara settled further into the corner of the sofa and Lena shifted right along with her.

Kara smiled when Lena’s head came to rest against her chest. This all felt so inevitable. So much like fate, which she'd never put a whole lot of stake in. 

“I'm patient,” Kara said as she ran her fingertips slowly along Lena’s cheek and down the side of her neck. “You know, there's no way we're going to be left alone much longer.”

“That's fine,” Lena murmured. “You aren't a government employee. You're...well. My fiancé, I guess.”

Kara had been so caught up in it all that she hadn't even noticed Jess walk through the door. She certainly noticed the sound of a stack of papers falling to the floor, though, and she looked up at Jess’s wide eyes and slack jaw with a breathy, amused sound.

“Hey,” Lena said casually from her place against Kara’s chest.

“Uh...hey. Came to see how you're doing.”

“My brother is in prison and they're going to charge him with treason, Kara resigned, and I'm engaged. To Kara, obviously. How are you doing?”

If Jess had had a second stack of papers, she probably would've dropped those, too.

“That's…! That's fine. This is fine. Great. I'm...no, I'm so happy for the two of you. I'm going to need to make a couple of calls and we're going to have to have a couple of meetings. Could the two of you please just...chill for a minute? I'm actually begging,” Jess’s voice was a little frantic as she scrambled to gather the papers she'd simply been trying to deliver to Lena’s desk. 

“We probably aren't going anywhere for the rest of the night, Jess, don't worry,” Lena murmured as she finally pulled away from Kara while Jess left the papers where she'd originally been heading and then made her way back towards the door. She cast a couple more glances in their direction before she left.

“That sounded vaguely suggestive,” Kara observed as she reached over to stroke along Lena’s thigh. “Am I finally going to get lucky tonight?”

“Absolutely not,” Lena responded without missing a beat, removing Kara’s hand from her thigh and kissing her quickly as she stood. “I have work to do and you barely made your way here. I had to help you to the couch if you'll recall.”

Kara sighed and shrugged. “Worth a shot. Maybe next time.”

“You're ridiculous. Would you please go to the bedroom and rest until I catch up on everything I'm behind on?” Lena asked, still lingering beside her chair so she could see Kara’s reaction.

“You want me to stay here?” Kara asked incredulously with that familiar little divot between her eyebrows. 

“Of course I do,” Lena said as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. “In fact, I'd prefer it if you'd just continue your recovery here with me while I wrap my mind around the fact that I agreed to marry you the day my brother admitted to treason.”

Kara’s face fell and she looked down at her hands in her lap for a moment almost forlornly. “I'm sorry. I should've waited. I shouldn't have put this on you today.”

Lena sighed and shook her head as she leaned a hand against her desk and tilted her head. “The timing could've been better, Kara, but I've never felt as alone as I did coming back from his cell. I say I don't need anyone, but I certainly needed you today. It was as though you could feel that. Like some hobbling knight in shining armor. I swear if I believed in soulmates I'd say that's what this was.”

Lena took a deep breath and sighed before she continued.

“The timing doesn't matter in the end. I was always going to say yes.” 

Kara’s eyes flashed up in Lena’s direction, and Lena was surprised to see them glassy with unshed tears. She opened her mouth to speak but shut it again quickly when her lower lip trembled.

Lena couldn't help but walk back over to her and lean down to brush her lips against the corner of Kara’s mouth in a soft kiss. She pulled back and cradled Kara’s face in her hands and the earnestness in her eyes was reflected back at her in Kara’s.

“You are so brave. And so strong, Kara Danvers. And I love you. This is a mess, but it's a mess we are going to figure out. Please go have a nice soak in the bath and get into bed. Rest until I'm done out here. I'll be with you soon enough, and every day after that. No more hiding. No more self-sacrificing from you.”

Kara almost let a ‘yes ma'am’ slip. Instead, she managed to breathe a slightly raspy ‘okay’ before she Lena helped her to her feet so she could retreat to the bedroom.

She didn't get much rest at first. She couldn't help but listen to Lena field a half dozen meetings with aides and advisors over everything. She couldn't help but hear Lena saying she had no intention of covering any of this up. That the American people deserved to know the truth. That they deserved to know their president was human. And that she would stop at nothing to keep them safe. Including having her own brother charged with treason. 

Kara also heard many of the arguments against her demands. Lena entertained none of them.

Eventually, though, sleep took her despite how hard she fought against it. 

It was hours later by the time a quiet groan met her ears and jerked her awake. The room was dark. Lena smelled like soap and the water that still lingered in her damp hair. And she was wearing one of Kara’s undershirts and nothing more as she sat down stiffly on the edge of the bed.

“Lena…? What's wrong?” Kara asked with worry evident in her tone as she sat up quickly and reached out to stroke softly across Lena’s back.

“It's two in the morning and I've been tense for...well. Years. But tonight was particularly brutal. I'm fine. All I want is to go to sleep with you and wake up with you in the morning.”

Kara gave Lena’s shirt a gentle tug, then, and Lena responded by moving to crumple into the bed beside her.

“I'm dissociating. It's official,” Lena whispered into Kara’s chest as she tucked herself into the safety of the strong arms wrapping around her. Kara even managed to get them both covered in the blankets by the time Lena was comfortable.

“I've got you,” Kara murmured as she kissed Lena’s clean, wet hair and committed the smell of her shampoo to memory. “I know it's a lot. I know it's so much. But I've got you.”

Lena felt a little more grounded, at least, as those words washed over her. Enough so that she could adjust herself a little further away from the anchor that was Kara so that she could see her face in the dim lamplight of the room. 

She spent a few moments stroking through Kara’s hair before she finally spoke. “You've been through so much, too. I don't know how you do it.”

Kara was at a loss, suddenly. 

_It's my job._

Her thoughts jumped for those words. Words she could no longer say. It was her turn, suddenly, to feel lost. 

“I've got you, too, you know,” Lena murmured as she ran her thumb along the crease that had formed between Kara’s brows then leaned in for a shallow, lingering kiss that only teased at becoming more without ever delivering. “And we know how we're going to handle all of this. Or at least we have a good starting point. If it loses me my next term, we’ll both be fine. I'm sure you are aware I have more than enough to fall back on. And any agency would be more than happy to take you on.”

“Yeah,” Kara sighed her relief as she finally allowed herself to be the one that was comforted. It was an altogether unfamiliar feeling, yet she melted into it rather effortlessly as Lena reached under the sheets to stroke her fingertips along her stomach like she so often did. 

“Now I need you to focus on getting better so that you can work out some of these frustrations with me,” Lena continued with a little smile as she adjusted the pillow they were sharing. 

“Are you referring to sexual activities, ma'am?” Kara asked as her lips curled into what had to be the most precious smirk Lena had ever seen.

“Maybe. By the way, I think I'd be fine with you keeping 'ma'am’ in your vocabulary. For special occasions, of course,” Lena’s voice was a murmur as she began to lose her fight against sleep. 

“Yes ma'am,” Kara said with a breathy sound that was too sleepy to become a real laugh.


End file.
